


Something Stupid

by whythehellisbucky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Swearing, Violence, m/m/f
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 63,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28086969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whythehellisbucky/pseuds/whythehellisbucky
Summary: He starts with shampoo out of habit and grabs the vanilla scented one that Steve picked out for him. “You smell like cookies, Buck,” Steve had told him, and Bucky swore to never forget it. His brain catapults him out of his daydream as his eyes focus on his wrist. He brings it closer to his face. Scrubs it clean with vanilla scented shampoo just in case he’s gone crazy. But no, clear as day on his wrist, in black ink is a new set of initials. SGR is no longer alone.............Soulmate AU with Steve/Bucky/Female Reader
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 354
Kudos: 395





	1. What if I'm someone I don't want around?

**Author's Note:**

> Another self indulgent fic! I actually started this one back in 2016, worked on it sporadically throughout the years, and now 4 years later I'm convinced I can finish it! I have quite a lot written already but unfortunately it's not in order yet and I usually take ages to proof read so I'm not sure how often I'll be updating. It takes place in the magical time where all the Avengers live in the Tower, are friends and colleagues, and aren't doomed to a Thanos filled future. Again, this is entirely self indulgent and so it's full of cliches and fallacies and illogical and impractical situations. If you don't like it then don't read it! That being said please leave comments and (constructive) criticism.

Flashing lights. Red and blue. Red and blue. Red, red, mostly red as he focuses on the little girl jumping towards him. Pink, he corrects himself. A pink dress, a little red but not anything too damning. The little girl now wrapped up in his arms, squeezes his neck and screams into his ears. Just a little red coming out of her side, just a little.

A woman, the little girl’s mother perhaps, takes the screaming child from his arms and then it’s onto the next one. The next cry for help, the next explosion, the next collapsed building, the next direction from Sam up above.

Next is an old man fallen in the street. A younger woman, his daughter maybe or perhaps even more likely is a complete stranger. The young woman kneels beside the old man, but she isn’t strong enough to get him to his feet. He is. He helps the man up off of the blown up pavement and now the woman with a bright blue scarf around her neck can help him move. Safe. Blue is good and they are safe. At least for now.

After the old man comes an even older woman begging for help, but he can’t figure out what’s wrong. What is wrong? Is she lost? Is he lost? An indeterminable amount of time passes and now he’s just standing in a pile of rubble screaming out in case anyone in that burning mess is alive. No one answers. He keeps going.

His hand burns and his legs ache, but there’s so much area still to cover. So much damage. He hears the whir of helicopters overhead and sees flashing lights of the paramedics. “Help, help me!” voices call out from everywhere.

He rushes into a small building and sees three people trapped under a fallen something or other and one looks to be dead. The two women cry out for help, and he lifts the concrete mass up enough so they can wiggle out. The older woman sobs on the floor, grasping what looks to be like a broken leg. The other immediately checks on the dead man and too begins to sob. He leaves as soon as an EMT arrives to pull the women away and onto stretchers. More lights. More red and more blue.

Before he knows it, he’s lifting an overturned bright yellow school bus so that a herd of school children can squeeze out from under the broken glass and run to safety. If safety exists that is. A bus of children? What day is it? A Tuesday? What time is it?

“Just past seven,” a young man in a dark gray business suit says as he attempts to shake the rubble from his clothes. Had he said that out loud? How long had he been thinking it? Surely those children hadn’t been walking along Wall Street at seven at night? Or was it seven in the morning? Why is the sky so gray? Where is the sun?

Another explosion hits and he dives behind a building, pulling the young man with the time to the ground with him. He repeats his mantra again, unsure if it is in his head or if he is screaming it. “It’s okay, we’re okay, I’m okay.”

The young man has seemingly become a teenage girl with a purple backpack. When did the brick wall turn into siding? “I’m okay too,” the girl answers although she looks terrified. “Thanks,” she adds, “I think you just saved my life.”

He knows he should acknowledge that comment somehow, but he’s lost the ability to do so. Thankfully, but also unfortunately, there’s more than enough going on that he can leave without a word. The girl is in too much shock to probably notice or remember anyway.

It goes on like that for what feels like years. More people, more blood. More fear and more terror. There’s Sam calling out directions in his ear, and he’s seen Natasha once or twice now flitting in between buildings. But in this whole world of color and noise and chaos, he knows that none of those thoughts or feelings matter. It is his duty, his job, his responsibility to help.

And so he does help.

* * *

“Stevie? Steve!?! Steve?”

Bucky can see him but it’s like he’s through a cloud or something. He’s right there but Bucky just can't reach. Maybe if he just stretches his hand out a little further.

“Woah, pal, calm down now. It’s okay. You’re safe. We’ve just finish--oh woah there I’ve got you.” Hands steady him and lead him until he’s sitting down.

“Stevie?” He asks again, unsure of how Steve reached him when he couldn’t do the same. Are his eyes closed? Why can’t he see?

“No. I’m still not Steve, Barnes.”

The voice keeps going on and on. If it’s not Steve then why is the voice so familiar? Where even is he?

“Okay man, you should probably open your eyes now, it’s weirding me out.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah, it’s me. We lost you for a minute there. You dizzy at all? Hit your head again? Steve’ll kill me if you got another concussion.”

“Nah,” Bucky says shaking his head as if he’s got water in his ears. “No concussion, I’m good.” Sam looks doubtful but helps pull him to his feet.

“Gonna take you back anyway. Things are nearly finished up here already.” Sam taps at his watch, probably notifying someone about something. Bucky just looks and looks, trying to figure out his location. “Queens,” Sam responds looking up at him. “Look, your ride’ll be here soon. You just stay put until then. I’m gonna go and try to help some more.”

“Ride?” Bucky says stupidly, his mind still feeling slow and numb.

“Not Cap, he’s still sorting some stuff out. But don’t worry, it’s Nat. She’ll get you back okay.”

* * *

Natasha drops him off at the Tower with no chitchat and no nonsense. Just how he and she both like it. There’s already cameras and media swarming the entrances and Bucky knows they’re all adjusting their zoom lenses to get a good shot of Natasha landing some sort of flying Stark invention on the roof. It’s a far safer model than the original Stark’s creation back in 1943. Bucky knows; he’s personally tested it.

Natasha disappears into some secret hideaway or another before he can thank her for the ride. Again, it’s probably better off this way. He’s covered in blood and gravel and who knows what else and he is clearly in need of a shower. He kicks his shoes off before leaving the hangar. He’s not entirely sure why, it just seems like the right thing to do. His head still doesn’t feel screwed on quite right on most days, especially after disastrous ones like today. However, something about politeness or spreading less filth echoes in the back of his mind as he tries to quickly make his way to his shower.

Bucky undresses slowly, wary of any wounds he hasn’t quite started to feel yet. The adrenaline is still going strong and he knows that he could be badly injured and not even realize it until morning if he’s not careful. However, most of the blood doesn’t appear to be his and so he eagerly starts his shower. The dirt and grime from his day swirl around the drain in shades of brown and gray filth. He watches the water until it runs clear, or mostly clear.

He starts with shampoo out of habit and grabs the vanilla scented one that Steve picked out for him. “You smell like cookies, Buck,” Steve had told him, and Bucky swore to never forget it. His brain catapults him out of his daydream as his eyes focus on his wrist. He brings it closer to his face. Scrubs it clean with vanilla scented shampoo just in case he’s gone crazy. But no, clear as day on his wrist, in black ink is a new set of initials. SGR is no longer alone.

* * *

After staring at his wrist like an idiot for at least 30 seconds and scrubbing for another 30, Bucky figured the new addition was there to stay. As a very practical and water conscious man, Bucky quickly finished up his shower, dried off, and got right into bed. Dressed in Steve’s pajama pants and a T-shirt (also Steve’s), he hid under the blankets. The only thing on Bucky’s mind was how the fuck was he supposed to tell Steve?


	2. I could hold you for a million years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two! This time from Steve's POV. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think in the comments!

Steve is overwhelmed again. He won’t admit it; he won't show it, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is very much overwhelmed. Not so much because of the damage done to New York City (yet again), but because of the crowd in front of him now. He’d rather face another herd of AIM evil robots than the reporters practically begging for a headline. Okay, maybe not. But another round with the Death-Throws or the Serpent Squad instead of this and he’s game.

At least their questions are all the same. The medium news is delivered by has changed in the new millennium, but it still requires the same answers. Who did this? What are you going to do about it? Should we be concerned? What about the damage to the city? Who will pay for repairs?

It’s all the same questions and still a lot of non-answers from Steve. We have reason to believe that HYDRA is behind this attack. We’ve handled the situation to the best of our ability by destroying the Sleeper Mechs from the city. The damage is not as bad as in years past; repairs have already begun and soon the city will be back it itself again. There is no immediate need for concern, the city is safe and once the necessary repairs have been completed people should continue their day to day lives. You need to talk to someone else, maybe Tony, about the cost of repairs, but I can promise that the people will not be left alone to handle the situation.

The questions keep pouring in, but Steve, although overwhelmed, is like a well-oiled machine. How many are injured? How many dead? Are the Avengers going to do anything to prevent these people from attacking again?

At this time we are uncertain of the number of casualties or those who have suffered injuries. We have a great team of health care professionals who are ready to help so if you or a loved one has suffered an injury please seek medical help. I, alongside the Avengers, am working tirelessly to eliminate HYDRA permanently.

The next questions sting a little, but nothing he’s never heard before. How are the Avengers helping the citizens of New York? How are they helping at all? Before he has a chance to respond with a few more well-rehearsed lines, a new question is shouted from the middle of the crowd.

“Do you think it was the right decision to bring the Winter Soldier with you to battle? Is he even on our side?”

The crowd titters nervously at the question; whispering amongst each other, clearly curious about the answer as well as hearing each other’s positions on the matter. Camera crews focus their lenses on Steve’s face. Still covered in grime, dressed in full uniform from steel toed boots to helmet, Steve refuses to flinch. No weaknesses here, just a strong and brave and courageous leader.

“Yes, I think bringing Bucky Barnes was the right call. He helped many people, saved many lives, and made a positive impact on the city.” He’s getting flustered now. Off script and still overwhelmed it’s like he’s trapped on stage again all eyes on him, all laughs at him. “Without the Winter Soldier on our side who knows what could’ve happened. Maybe we wouldn’t have been able to destroy all the Sleeper Mechs. Maybe we would have lost.”

He storms off the stage before anyone else can get another word in. 

* * *

“Not the best, but reworkable,” is Pepper’s comment as Steve marches towards the elevator.

“Took it too far, huh,” is Steve’s simple remark. He stares at his boots which are probably leaving a trail of debris in his wake. Pepper only pushes the elevator button and gestures for him to go first.

Steve sighs and goes in first. It’s not very gentlemanly, but it’s better than arguing with Pepper Potts after a poor performance with the press. “Maybe I took it too far, but Buck’s not just my oldest friend you know.” Pepper waits patiently for him to finish. “He’s mine. He’s my boyfriend and I had to defend him.” He almost stomps the floor childishly with his foot, but instead regroups himself. He stands straight and looks into the eyes of his reflection. “The world has been cruel to him for too long and I will not stand for it continuing to do so.”

“I’m glad you did it,” Pepper responds with a smile. “It’ll make the papers for a week or so about how Captain America endorses criminals now, but things could be worse.” She pauses and waits for Steve to look into her eyes. “You could have said nothing. That would’ve been worse.”

The thought of saying nothing makes Steve feel physically ill. Like maybe he’s twelve again and unable to keep even chicken broth down when he’s got both the flu and pneumonia. His left hand flies to his wrist; pointer finger automatically touching the skin that ties Bucky to him. JBB in bold black lettering, Bucky’s own handwriting, hidden by his uniform sleeves, but otherwise on display. At least he’s just a few rooms away.

* * *

Steve quietly enters their section of Avenger’s tower. Bucky could be high off adrenaline ready to pounce on an invader (or pounce on him, motivated by an entirely different type of purpose). Bucky could be asleep on the couch or snuggled up in bed. Bucky could be trying to drown in the shower.

It’s only two in the afternoon, but it’s been a stressful day to say the least and so he’s happy to find Bucky safe and in bed. The covers are up over the Bucky shaped lump’s head and so, just in case the lump is asleep, Steve washes up in the spare bathroom. He tries to be quick about it; already excited to spend the rest of the day lounging in bed, avoiding the news and any and all responsibility.

Dressed in fresh boxers he crawls onto his bed and his body immediately relaxes. He didn’t have any major injuries but a three hour battle and over four hours of cleanup, not to mention an impromptu press conference have drained him. Bucky hasn’t moved or spoken since Steve plopped on down, but his breathing is too quick for him to be asleep. Steve just lays there and lets Bucky take his time to interact with him. Steve loves a good snuggle after a long day, but these days Bucky is hot and cold when it comes to touch.

* * *

Ever since second grade when Bucky defended him from a playground bully and helped him off the ground they’ve been together. That very first touch of a helping hand branded both of them as special. SGR and JBB on two wrists, two male wrists at that, made them their own kind of special from the start. Not always in a good way, of course, but at least they always had each other.

That was until the war brought a new side of Bucky that Steve had never seen before. Okay, he had seen it before, just not directed towards any other entity but himself. Duty, responsibility and Uncle Sam were calling his name (and maybe some guilt too although Steve didn’t talk about that), and so Bucky answered with his life. His actual life, Steve had believed for years and years. More years than typical of a normal human, but remember, Steve and Bucky, well, they were special.

Reunited after an unusual series of events, Bucky was somewhat back to his old self and Steve was trying his best to connect with his soulmate. Steve’s a needy soulmate though. And just lying in bed with his soulmate after a hard day isn’t cutting it anymore; he needs connection, connection via communication.

“Bucky,” Steve whispers, refraining from poking the Bucky sized lump even though he wants to. “You okay Buck?”

Steve is surprised but pleased to hear Bucky respond. “Mhmmm,” is such said response. Steve is even more surprised and even more pleased when Bucky peels back the covers and reveals his head.

“Can I come in?” Steve asks, perhaps a bit too eagerly. One nod from Bucky is all it takes before Steve is also snuggled up under the covers and weighted blanket. Bucky scoots closer to Steve and Steve responds by snuggling right up to his small spoon.

“Do you wanna talk about it? Steve murmurs as he strokes Bucky’s still damp hair. It smells of baked goods and home. Bucky twists out of Steve’s grasp and sits up. Steve immediately mirrors him.

“What’s up? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” Steve’s a scramble of words, trying to find a connection between his whispered question and his lover’s actions.

“No. I’m fine. Can we talk?” Bucky’s voice is clipped and nervous. Not abnormal after a day like today, but what is abnormal are the words themselves. Offering to talk? Wanting to talk? Even after all of the therapy (and different therapists) Bucky has gone through it usually takes him more time to open up about events like today.

“Of course, Buck. We can talk.” Steve tries to keep his voice calm and he thinks he succeeds when Bucky readjusts his posture. Pulling a knee to his chest and avoiding eye contact, Bucky starts up again shyly.

“Promise you won’t be mad?”

Be mad? Steve’s concerned, but not as much as Bucky appears to be right now. “No honey, I promise I won't be mad no matter what it is.” Bucky lets out a sigh, but instead of words to explain himself, he stretches his hand out to Steve’s face.

Steve’s face is confused. He’s confused at least until the metal arm pulls back the sleeve and Steve realizes what he’s looking at.


	3. Finding reasons to stay where we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I won't lie. I wasn't expecting so many people to be reading and commenting (thank you!), and so I'm getting a bit nervous about the quality of this story and where it's going. It starts off pretty dramatic so I hope you won't find the next few chapters boring.  
> This chapter in particular was a struggle for me which I wasn't expecting to have happen since it's the reader's POV. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please continue to comment! I love reading them! They really make my day! Now without further ado, chapter three!

Hi Matt,

I’m going to need to take some time off work. I’ll be staying in Manhattan for a while. I’m not injured save for a sprained wrist and some scratches. However, the hotel along with my belongings was pretty much destroyed. I’ve already contacted the hotel to handle reimbursement and I’ll send over any information that pertains to you when I receive it. They’ve been kind enough to move me a larger room in a location that’s farther uptown. I’ve also cancelled my return flight since I’m not sure when I’ll be back.

In other news, I actually found my soul mate today. Well, not exactly found, let me know if you know a JBB from New York. I’ve attached the notes from Tuesday’s meeting below. Let me know if you need any clarifications.

Signing your name and sending the message off you shut your laptop and sigh. Half a second later you open it back up and double check that the email properly sent. It’s been a rough 24 hours and the last thing you need is a pissed off boss because your email didn’t get sent. Considering how things are going, it seems like Murphy’s Law is in play.

You’re in desperate need of a nap, but first you’ve got some work to do. At least it’s not work for your job. The conference you’re supposed to be attending right now has been cancelled due to the tragedies of this morning and so you’re free from prepping for your presentation. The work you have is much more life changing anyway.

Everyone has heard of the Soulmate Registry, a Stark designed, government funded and controlled entity, that allows for soulmates to find each other. The fact that the data about soulmates is stored in some database somewhere, has been a concern to the public ever since it was formed. The best cyber security in the world was protecting it, but the bigger question was why did it need to be stored in the first place? However, with the world the way that it was, most things were quickly forgotten as soon as the next big news story broke.

Soulmates had always been rare. However, due to the ease of transportation, the large cities growing larger, urban towns sprawling across land, soulmates were more often than not found later in life. In the days of your great-grandparents, soulmates often met as young as babies or not at all. People all too often lived in the same place their entire life and didn’t come across too many new people.

Of course in modern times, people were meeting all over the place and often weren’t sure how to reconnect after meeting. The soulmate registry allowed for newly connected soulmates to learn a little bit more about each other as well as find a way to properly meet if one wasn’t sure who their soulmate was.

Gossip magazines of course loved soulmate stories with extreme relationships. Soulmates who were forty years apart in age. Soulmates who were both married with children, met, and then left their spouses only for their spouses to fall in love as well. These soulmate meetings had always seemed like far away fairy tales to you, and so you had never really stopped to consider what you would do if you found yours.

No one in your family had been soulmates, and now that you think about it, you don’t actually know anyone personally with a soulmate. As children there had been plenty of classmates who adored daydreaming about finding a soulmate, but to you it felt similar to daydreaming about becoming a princess or the next Iron Man. It just didn’t seem realistic.

At least you’re single. This is not a conversation you’d want to have with your ex. There were some additional pros to this as well. Your family could stop pestering you about when you were going to settle down with a nice boy and maybe have a kid or two. Moving to New York doesn’t sound too terrible either, although your soulmate could easily be from Pakistan or Hawaii.

But there were so many cons as well. What if your soulmate didn’t speak English? What if he was married with five kids? What if your soulmate was a woman? You’d just have to wait and see what happens before you jump to too many scary conclusions.

* * *

The questions in the registry are easy enough. It’s mostly demographic information to verify that you are who you say you are. Nothing too extreme, most if not all of this information is in the hands of your government, employers, etc. just through living your life as an American citizen. All the same, you wish this wasn’t necessary. After all, if one were to meet their soulmate organically and actually have a chance to talk after meeting, then there is no need to register. No one would know anyway.

Next question is your reason for filling out the soulmate registry. There are different options for different situations. “Hoping to find soulmate,” for the crazies willing to give all sorts of personality information in hopes that attending a mass socialization party will allow them to find their soulmate.

As crazy as it sounds, they did occasionally work. Occasionally. As in maybe 10 instances out of millions of handshakes, hugs, and high fives. Some people have reason to believe that soulmates don’t just connect at first touch, but only when the timing is ‘right’. None of that has been proven though either and so masses still swarm to large get togethers to find their person in the crowds.

You select “Reconnect with found soulmate,” from the drop down menu. It sends you to the next page and the following section is a bit trickier. Approximate date of connection. Approximate time of connection. Presumed location of connection starting with continent and moving all the way to a specific address. Date of soulmate mark acknowledgement. Time of soulmate mark acknowledgement.

The next question seems invasive, but also probably important if you want to actually reconnect. Activities of the day, times and locations of said activities. You are free to write as much or as little as you wants. You start typing up your original hotel address, the coffee shop you went to this morning, and then you stop. You delete it all and skip the question entirely.

Soulmates are rare. Therefore you should just be able to type in your damn initials and the initials on your wrist and call it a day. Include a box for your phone number so that they could contact you and you’ve got half a mind to start your own website instead of dealing with all this bureaucracy.

If soulmates are about love, then what business does the government have with your love life? None, or at least they should. Maybe you’ll start commenting on Tony Stark’s Instagram posts about how disgusting he is to take advantage of people to make money. But honestly, probably not. You doubt he handles his own social media anyway.

Sighing, you finish the soulmate registration, keeping your answers as short and impersonal as possible. The last question surprises you, but it does make some sense. You have to take a picture of your wrist and upload it. You wonder how many scammers are out there pretending to have found a soulmate and writing in sharpie three random letters on their arms. You imagine that some kind of software exists that can differentiate between a soulmate mark and pen.

You submit the form and close your laptop again. It’s probably time to eat dinner or maybe even go out to buy some different clothes that aren’t covered in pulverized concrete, but a shower and sleep sound much better. In the shower, you struggle washing the grime out of your hair with one hand, but your wrist is still in pain. You’ll need to call the front desk to ask for some pain killers to sleep tonight.

* * *

As you eat a complimentary meal provided by the hotel along with a bottle of ibuprofen, you can’t stop thinking about your soulmate. Who are they? What are they doing right now? Are they just as skeptical as you are right now? Or are they wholeheartedly convinced that they are automatically in love and set to get married in a month.

You shudder at that. Another hot topic in the magazines were soulmates gone wrong. Too many people would jump into a relationship believing that just because they were soulmates they were automatically compatible. Of course that’s not true. You still need to get to know someone before you marry them, and so soulmates did have a significant divorce rate.

You think back to earlier this morning and wonder if maybe your soulmate was a firefighter. Maybe he had helped pull you up into safety. Or maybe they were a paramedic giving you a bottle of water or a blanket. The paramedic who checked out your arm was pretty cute, but then again he was the one to notice your markings in the first place. If his initials had been JBB he surely would’ve said something about it. But there had been so many other attractive firefighters and doctors around you. You could’ve easily made contact with one of them without realizing they were soulmates.

You smile thinking of that, liking the idea of being soulmates with a hot firefighter. But of course, you tell yourself that considering who the kind of person you are, your soulmate will also be someone regular and normal. Probably just some random who was just caught up in the chaos like you.

You take two ibuprofen for your sprained wrist, turn off the light, and go to bed. Before you drift off you picture a muscular man pulling you into safety. But is it real? Or just what you desire? Doesn’t matter. Either way you have a soulmate now. Whether you believe in them or not.


	4. Common sense falls second place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited meeting of Steve, Bucky and Reader! Again, thank you all for reading and commenting! It is great motivation to know that others are interested in my work. Please enjoy!

It’s only been a few hours since Bucky woke up and saw the message in the Soulmate Registry Portal, but he feels like he’s been awake for years. His mind was racing as he opened the message from his soulmate, and it has yet to stop. The message was simple enough. Just a first name, phone number, and a request to reconnect soon. At first he was a bit disappointed that the message didn’t contain his soulmate’s entire life story or at least a little more information, but perhaps it’s all for the best. Without a last name he can't turn to the internet for answers and that can’t be a good way to get to know his second soulmate.

Steve’s been extremely good natured about the entire situation, but part of Bucky wonders if he’s just bubbling and ready to soon boil over. Nevertheless, he’s got better things to do than sit around and question theoretical circumstances. After fully annoying himself and Steve while picking out clothes to wear, they are both headed uptown to meet his soulmate. Excited doesn’t even begin to describe it.

* * *

“Hey, do you mind if we reschedule slightly?” Bucky’s about to type back “yes,” but before he has a chance to respond to the message, she sends another. “I’m on my way now and I overheard a camera crew talking about a sighting of Captain America at the same café.”

Well fuck. He shows the message to Steve and drops a tip on the table besides his uneaten blueberry muffin. Steve wordlessly stands and the two of them exit said café as discretely as two large, broad, genetically engineered men can. They hop onto their bikes and head away from their previously planned location. Thankfully they don’t see any press outside, so her warning had perfect timing.

“Maybe a café wasn’t the best plan,” Bucky says staring back at his phone. He’s already typed and sent, “No worries, we can meet somewhere else,” but he’s not sure where else to suggest. Her having to avoid another place due to a Captain America sighting couldn’t be excused as simply coincidental.

“Central Park?” Steve offers casually. “Enough people around for her to feel safe meeting a stranger, but quiet enough to avoid attention?”

“Perfect,” Bucky replies and gets back to typing a new message. “How about Central Park? We could meet by the Belvedere Castle,” he reads out loud to Steve who nods in response. “We’ll give her a few minutes and then head over there and give the area a once over.” Steve only nods once to acknowledge Bucky’s words.

Is Steve as nervous as he feels right now? Before he can contemplate it more, his phone buzzes. “Central Park sounds great. Google maps says I’m about 10 minutes away, so I’ll see you soon!”

“Great! Can’t wait to meet you,” seems like a normal response from a normal guy so Bucky sends it back in response. But it doesn’t feel like him, so he adds another message as well. “It’s a beautiful day and I prefer the outdoors anyway.”

She responds right away to his surprise and he is pleased at the response. “Me too! I’m not a fan of crowds and after the events yesterday, I need more nature and less drama in my life!”

“Hmm. No more drama? Think maybe we should leave her be?” Steve jokes weakly after reading over Bucky’s shoulder.

“Privacy, Steve,” Bucky chides and puts his phone away abruptly. They walk absentmindedly around the park for a while, but don’t see anyone or anything suspicious. Despite, this Bucky is getting more and more anxious. He doesn’t want Steve to go but he also really wants Steve to go in case she shows up or is here already.

“Stevie,” Bucky starts, “you’ve got to keep your distance when I meet her, okay?” He feels like a child with parent supervision, but if he doesn’t say it, then Steve will surely tag along. Bucky’s phone buzzes again, distracting him from whatever Steve was wanting to say. “She's wearing a red scarf and a blue coat,” Bucky states, hating how stiff he sounds to his own ears.

“Red and blue huh,” Steve mutters. “think she’s onto us?” His voice is teasing but Bucky still feels tense. They aren’t normal people, Steve and him. And not just because he happens to have more than one soulmate. He and Steve are very abnormal people.

* * *

“JBB?” A girl with a red scarf and blue coat asks him. She’s got a nervous smile on her pretty face. He wonders how nervous he looks to her right now.

“Yes, you can call me Bucky though,” he replies trying his best to smile naturally at her.

“Bucky,” she repeats softly, “so, um I thought maybe we could walk around? It’s super pretty around here.”

Bucky nods and they slowly continue down the path. “So are you from around here?” His voice sounds canned, like he’s filming a commercial or something, but at least it’s steady.

“No, I’m actually just here for business. What about you, are you from here?”

He nods; maybe he can actually do this. “Born and raised in Brooklyn.”

“Wow, I bet there’s a lot of stories about that.” They make eye contact, and she smiles wide. She’s seems a bit nervous still, but perhaps a little more comfortable now as well. He can only hope his body language says the same.

“Yeah, definitely,” he tries to think of a good story to tell her, but nothing comes to mind that can be disguised to be from a childhood that took place in the 1990s.

“Crazy couple of days huh,” she asks, clearly trying to keep the conversation going, albeit a bit awkwardly.

“Yeah, definitely. Between this,” he gestures between them, not helping with dispersing the awkwardness, “and the attack on the city it’s been pretty crazy.”

“Yeah the attack was insane. I’ve never seen anything like it before. Were you alright? Did you manage to see it? Oh no! I’m sorry, I should’ve made sure you weren’t injured or anything before we started walking. I think there’s a place we can sit maybe if you’d like?” As she rambles she looks down at her shoes and Bucky can see a blush starting to form on her cheeks.

“I’m alright, we can keep walking,” he replies simply before remembering to ask her in turn. “How are you? Were you injured at all?” He’s usually pretty good about picking up on those things but in his nervous state he could’ve missed something.

“No real injuries besides this,” she reports proudly pulling back a sleeve to show a wrist brace. He wonders if his initials are printed on that wrist or the other. She seems to be thinking along the same lines as him. “Your initials are under the splint. I can show you if you want, for, um proof. But I have pictures of it too. Didn’t even notice it until an EMT commented on it.”

“Uh, that’s okay I guess,” he mumbles. He’s not really sure what the protocol is on these first meetings but making her take off her splint seems like an asshole move.

“But, um yeah,” she continues, “I was luckily uptown in a meeting when it all happened. My hotel was a pile of rubble, so excuse my appearance. I’ve kind of been stuck without a change of clothes. I mean, I could’ve bought new clothes, but um yeah,” she trails off realizing that he probably doesn’t care.

“I’m sorry,” she continues, her eyes locked with his. “This is just not what I was expecting? Like I don’t really know what to do or expect right now? I’ve only know a few people who found their soulmates and I’m not really sure what to do about it?” 

Bucky’s not really sure what to say except for same. But that doesn’t feel appropriate especially since it’s not all that true. He has been through all of this before. Sure, it was different because he was a child and it was during the Great Depression, but it’s the same emotions bottling up inside him. He should say something; he needs to say something. Steve is around here somewhere. He could just call him up and get this over with now.

“So, um can I see it?”

“See? Oh right, um of course,” Bucky nervously adjusts the sleeve of his jacket. His gloved metal hand adjusts his coat to clearly show the black inked initials on his flesh wrist. Sneakily enough SGR is hidden under a band aid. Steve had looked at him weird when he noticed the covering, but Bucky had anticipated this exact moment and didn’t want this to be how she learned of his other soulmate.

“Wow, yep that really is my handwriting. Super weird. Uh- um I mean not that it’s weird, but I, uh, I think I might know you? You seem familiar.”

“Well we did meet before,” Bucky gestures weakly to the tattoo like marking displayed on his wrist.

“Right,” she answers blushing.

“But I think I might know why else you recognize me.” Bucky’s not sure it’s the right move but he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s not sure how to phrase it right but he attempts, “Like I said before, you can call me Bucky, but my name’s actually James. James Buchanan Barnes.” Her face has an awkward smile like she’s trying really hard to be polite but is unsure of what to do or say.

He’s not sure what to do or say either. Maybe Steve will help. He reaches into his pocket for his phone to call him, but before he can call, he hears familiar footsteps approaching. He’ll have to talk to Steve later about his need for privacy again, but at least his boyfriend hasn’t stopped anticipating his needs, a pro in Bucky’s book.

Sure enough Steve approaches them and stands next to Bucky. She looks very, very confused.

“Um, so this is my boyfriend Steve.” Steve gives a little wave. The awkwardness remains.

“Oh,” is all she says, it’s all she seems capable of saying. Bucky can practically see the wheels turning in her head.

“So yeah,” Bucky continues, peeling off the band aid and pulling his sleeve down a little farther to show the SGR printed right below her initials. “We’re soulmates as well.” She seems to forget how to breathe after hearing that. Steve pulls up his own sleeve to display his own JBB.

She turns around at that and begins to walk away from them and then circle back to pace around them. Bucky’s not sure what else to say to her. There’s not really much more to explain at this point.

“And you’re Steve? SGR?” She looks at Steve again, recognition and awe passing over her face. “Are you actually who I think you are?” Bucky answers her automatically.

“Yeah, he’s Captain America.”

She turns around again and continues to pace around them. Muttering to herself softly, “no way, no way, no way,” she stops and faces them again. Looks Steve right in the eyes and shakes her head. “What the actual fuck is today. I’m dreaming. I’m in a fucking nightmare. I’m in the Matrix and they’re about to pull the plug.”

Steve tries to jump into the conversation, but she doesn’t let him. She shakes her head again, holds up her hand in a gesture to stop Steve’s words, and continues pacing. “Nope, no more information. That’s enough for today. Of course I meet my fucking soulmate during a fucking robot attack. Of course he’s gorgeous and sweet and of course he’s dating fucking Captain America!”

“Gorgeous?” Is all Bucky can say.

“Sweet,” Steve replies and Bucky resents that it too, sounds like a question.

“Okay,” Steve says once the pacing has stopped. “Are we gonna try this or what?”

“Try what?” she responds a bit hysterically. “Try sending me back in time so that I’ll miss my alarm and sleep in yesterday? Try leaving me out for bait for a sneak HYDRA attack? I’ve heard about what that Stark’s done with Pepper Potts!”

“No, no, no!” Steve all but yells.

“Pepper Potts,” Bucky repeats softly, knowing he’ll need to tell Pepper that his new soulmate called her by name but her husband as ‘that Stark’.

“And you,” she turns to Bucky now, “I know who you are too! I saw the news! They say you’re fine now, well he does,” she gestures wildly at Steve, “but who knows! I sure as hell wouldn’t be fine after what they put you through!”

Bucky’s mind starts to spiral, but before he can get too deep, Steve finally jumps in. “Shall we try touching each other?” Steve says directly to her, bringing Bucky’s attention back to the two people in front of him. “We could be soulmates as well. Let’s see if we are or not before we start jumping to conclusions.”

She immediately agrees, spinning around wildly to face them. It’s something Bucky would not have predicted considering her previous rantings, but perhaps she’s just as eager to know as he is. Her dark blue coat gets thrust into Bucky’s arms and her wrist splint soon follows. Bucky’s eyes eagerly search her skin for his initials and sure enough there they are printed clearly on her wrist, identical to the set on Steve’s wrist so familiar to him. She winces a bit once the brace is removed, but she’s determined.

Pausing before she faces Steve, she looks at Bucky who looks rattled and a bit domestic with her coat on his arm and her scarf draped over his shoulder. “I’m sorry about what I said about you. It was a heat of the moment thing. Obviously we’ll need to talk about everything a lot more, but I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot and offend you.”

“Trust me, I’ve heard worse,” Bucky offers with a weak smile, “and typically it’s not after finding out that your soulmate is dating Captain America, so I’ll let it slide.”

She smiles at that and he feels like he’s in a teen romcom with butterflies in his stomach. She starts to move in, perhaps for a hug, but changes her mind and turns around to face Steve. The energy feels more like they’re about to arm wrestle or fight than find out if they are soulmates or not. Bucky figures that maybe it has to do more with personalities rather than the situation at hand.

“A handshake?” She offers to Steve and he nods in response. It’s like a slow motion video as their hands carefully approach each other, clasp, and pump twice. They both jerk back immediately after, as if poisoned, to stare at their skin. Although Bucky realizes that her reaction could easily be due to the fact that she still has a sprained wrist. Bucky sees it in Steve’s posture before he can see either wrist. He didn’t realize Steve would be so disappointed to find out that they would not be a triad.

“Well fuck,” is all she says as she turns to Bucky to put on her splint again. As she moves he sees her wrist; his initials are left alone. His butterflies are gone and replaced with lead. He refuses to make eye contact with Steve right now and instead decides to assist with the straps of the brace.

“I’ve got it Bucky, I can do it,” she mutters as she adjusts the Velcro just right. But as he reaches to help he notices something new. He snatches her left hand eagerly and waves it at Steve. “What are you doing,” she snaps, “I almost got this thing-”

Her voice cuts out as she sees what Bucky sees. Her eyes grow wide as Steve dashes back towards her. “Check the other, check the other,” Bucky eagerly chants. Steve pulls back his left sleeve and sure enough both of his wrists are now inked with different sets of initials. They all pull their sleeves up and look at the unremovable marks. All three of them now stuck together, forever.

“I’m the odd one out,” Bucky mentions softly. “Mine are both on the right, cause well this arm’s not mine I guess.” He meant it to sound more like a joke, something to lighten the mood, but it falls flat, and silence is the only thing to follow.

A strong wind blows in and they all seem to wake up from their daydream. They must look so strange to bystanders. Three adults standing in a circle in the middle of the path, in danger of bicycles, looking down at each other’s arms.

Bucky, still holding the blue coat, gently helps her back into it, one injured wrist with his initials and one uninjured wrist with Steve’s initials at a time. He wonders if that means something. If it’s the universe telling him something.

* * *

“So, um, I think I’m gonna head out,” she says once they’ve walked back to where they had originally met up. “It was, um really nice meeting both of you. You have my phone number, Bucky. I’ll, um, call you tomorrow?” Bucky’s not sure what to say and apparently neither does Steve as they wave goodbye, still awkward.

“I wish she would’ve stayed longer,” he tells Steve as they walk back to their motorcycles.

“Me too,” Steve agrees, taking Bucky’s hand in his.

“Do you think we should’ve done more?” Bucky asks. “Bought her flowers or something? Invited her over for dinner?”

“Honestly, Buck,” Steve says squeezing Bucky’s fingers tightly, “I don’t have a fucking clue. I never bought you flowers and there was no need to invite you over for dinner when we met.” Bucky laughs at that, imagining what it would have been like, two little kids eating dinner together in a candle lit restaurant, a bouquet of flowers on the table.

“I think we did as much as we could. I’m sure she just needs some space right now to process things. It’s been a crazy 24 hours for her for sure. I’m sure her hotel being demolished has made an impact on her psyche as well.”

“That reminds me,” Bucky says with just a hint of whininess in his voice, “you can’t be eavesdropping on my conversations! That’s rude, Stevie!” He interrupts Steve before he can interject, knowing exactly what he wants to say. “And don’t blame your super hearing. I have it too and I still don’t sneak around standing just close enough to hear.”

Steve shakes his head disdainfully, but he’s got a grin a mile wide on his face. “You know me too well by now. And so you should also know that I am very curious by nature and that I just had to know what was going on.”

“Curious,” Bucky mutters sarcastically, “more like nosy.” Steve laughs out loud at that and soon after they ride home, both wondering what their other soulmate was doing right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second location?!? I guess reader doesn't watch John Mulaney's stand up.  
> .....  
> I apologize in advance for chapter 5's update. I've been super busy lately and unfortunately that means writing takes second place. So far I only have an outline for 5 so I'm not sure when it'll be posted. It'll be in Steve's POV and will hopefully fill in some of the gaps between chapters 3 and 4. Thanks again for reading!


	5. I know better than to call you mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone! I knew chapter five was going to take a while. However with the holidays and a few unexpected events, time really slipped away from me. I won’t bore you with excuses so I hope you all had a wonderful start to 2021 and I also hope you enjoy Chapter 5!

When Steve had seen Bucky’s wrist he hadn’t quite understood what he was looking at. He saw the six letters all together, but he didn’t quite comprehend it until he looked into Bucky’s face. Seeing that had made him realize the implications of the situation that they were now in. Implications he was sure Bucky had been thinking about all day.

“So, um, who is it?” Steve had asked, gently pushing Bucky’s arm back down to his side. “Anyone I would know?” His mind had raced thinking of possibilities. But he couldn’t think of anyone he’d ever met who’d bonded with Bucky and also had never touched him. Bucky remained silent. What if it was a woman? What if they didn’t speak English? What if they were 100 years old and should have met in the 40s?

When Bucky had finally spoken to explain that he had no clue who it was or even how they had touched, he couldn’t help but feel relieved. At least for another night, Bucky was his and only his.

* * *

The next morning they had filled out Bucky’s information in the Soulmate Registry online. They had done it together, something Steve wasn’t all too comfortable with, but Bucky had wanted Steve by his side. Bucky had almost immediately received a notification confirming his soulmate had also registered. The notification for a message directly from his soulmate had contained very little information, but Bucky had instantly texted the included phone number.

Steve had immediately left to go on a run. He had felt annoyed with Bucky. Texting the phone number instead of calling felt weak to Steve. It had felt childish and Steve had been upset about it. He would’ve called if it had been him. He had even advised Bucky to just get it over with and call, but Bucky had been so nervous. Thinking back on it, he could’ve been kinder. There was nothing wrong with Bucky’s decision and after all, it was entirely up to him. Steve’s own jealousy had clouded his opinions. He probably would’ve been too scared to call as well.

When Bucky found out his soulmate was a girl Steve hadn’t been sure what to feel. Sure, he liked women. He didn’t want to share Bucky with a woman, but he also didn’t want to have to share him with a man. He himself was attracted to females. He had dated Peggy Carter back in the day, but he hadn’t done anything more than kiss her. Bucky on the other hand loved women.

Back in the before they had kept their soulmate marks hidden. To their neighbors they were nothing more than roommates. Back in the before men who had male soulmates were rejected from society. They were taught to reject the soulmate itself. Luckily, with Steve and Bucky stuck in the same neighborhood and going to the same school, they were simply taught that they had platonic soulmates. They were only best friends connected by souls, nothing more.

Bucky and he had messed around plenty as kids, but as roommates they had to be more careful, leading to Bucky bringing home hordes of women. He had always claimed that it was just for sex, no attachments, and with no real attraction other than physicality. But now with a female soulmate, Steve had been afraid that this had been a long time coming.

Would this woman be who Bucky had been waiting his whole life for? Someone he could raise a family with? Did Bucky want children? Why was this something that they had never discussed before? Steve had been terrified to think of all the ways that he could be removed from Bucky’s life. Images of Bucky with a wife and a few dark haired children while Steve waited on the sidelines, haunted his thoughts. But thankfully, he waited until after their encounter to dwell too much. 

Meeting Y/N had been nice enough. The location switch although minor was enough to get Bucky on edge, but it had worked out well enough. She had seemed like a nice girl as he listened to her and Bucky talk, albeit quite awkwardly. But the entire time all he could think about was whether or not he was also meant to be with her. And then of course he was.

The realization had been like a burst of adrenaline straight to his heart. He was happy and excited and most of all relieved. Bucky would still be his. He would have to share, but at least he wasn’t the odd one out anymore. He was safe from his nightmare of being demoted to second place. But now, at home, with Bucky humming in the kitchen as he cooks two whole chickens for their dinner, Steve can’t help but feel afraid.

To be entirely honest Steve doesn’t actually want another soulmate. Things with Bucky were just starting to make sense. It had only been five years since Steve woke up and realized that he and Bucky were legally and socially allowed to be soulmates in this world. It had only been two years since Steve realized it was actually going to happen. Bucky is still adjusting, and they both need more time, more time with just the two of them.

Besides, he’s not even sure if it is legitimate at this point. When he touched Bucky for the first time he felt like flying. It had felt like the best drug in the world to an eight year old Steve. But with this, he’s not sure. Yes, he felt ecstatic to discover they were soulmates. But the fact that they didn’t realize it until Bucky checked her other arm is just strange. Shouldn’t they have felt it? Shouldn’t they have felt like flying?

He had felt the burst of energy, but not at first touch. Strangely enough he had felt nothing out of the ordinary as he shook her freezing cold hand. The thrill didn’t happen until Bucky had spotted the second set of initials on her skin. The relief didn’t happen until he had spotted the second set of initials on his own. And truly, underneath it all, the emotions were based on his connection to Bucky not being diminished, not so much on a new addition.

And then again with her and Bucky’s original meeting. They don’t even know how they had met. Why didn’t they realize it at first brush of skin? Sure, there was a battle going on and danger around, but also on that note, where had they met? She hadn’t directly mentioned being near any fighting. Surely, she would have had more noticeable injuries, or even just dirtier clothing, if she had been anywhere near Bucky was located. Are they being scammed?

Maybe he’ll get Tony to do some digging around. But that also comes with the price of talking to Tony, asking for help, and well, have Tony dig around for information about his potential soulmate. Plus, he’d have to tell Bucky about it, and by the way Bucky’s been acting since their park meet up, Bucky does feel like flying.

* * *

They both called her up that evening to talk. After all, there was still so much they didn’t know about her and so much they needed to determine in order to move forward. They had facetimed her using Bucky’s StarkPad and she had answered before either of them had figured out what they were going to say.

They started off with casual comments, asking about how each other were doing, if she had plans for dinner, how the sun was starting to set earlier and earlier. There was a knock at her door, and she excused herself to fetch a room service dinner. She apologized needlessly and promised to call back once she had finished eating her meal.

Bucky ended the call and turned to Steve with the biggest smile Steve had seen in a long time. His heart sank further into his stomach. They decided to prepare their own dinner, a quick meal since they wanted to be ready for her call back. Bucky didn’t stop talking the entire time, even between bites of food. At least this way Steve only had to nod or hum in agreement to Bucky’s excitement about how lovely she seemed.

She called back before they had finished eating, but Bucky answered anyway and left his dinner cooling on the kitchen table in order to devote his attention to her. Steve smiled and waved in the background, calling out to Bucky who moved to the couch, that he would clean up a bit and be right over.

Steve took his time in the kitchen. First finishing his own meal, then slowly putting away Bucky’s leftovers for later, he tried his best to ignore the conversation in the room next door. He washed the dishes by hand ignoring the dishwasher, and he was both upset and grateful that Bucky hadn’t seemed to question why he was taking so long.

Steve has woken up in the future. He has fought monsters and aliens from space. He has seen people his own age grow old in nursing homes, and he has visited far too many graves. He has rediscovered his soulmate who had long believed dead. He has rescued said soulmate from his worst enemy, Hydra, and has dealt with the abundant consequences.

Bucky has been a lot to handle these past two years if Steve is being entirely honest. He’s not sure if he can handle any more surprises in his life. At the same time he is interested in learning more about his second soulmate. She really does seem lovely and it is also wonderful to see Bucky light up about something even if it isn’t him. All the same, he feels as though someone is bound to get hurt.

Three people together just doesn’t make logical sense in Steve’s mind. Maybe he really is just old fashioned, but he can’t help but imagine two of them getting along and one being left out. He can’t help but imagine himself being the one left out. In all honesty though, that probably isn’t the most realistic scenario. He and Bucky have lived a lifetime together. A lifetime of trauma that has bound them together by more than their soulmate marks.

She would be the outsider for a long time, possibly forever. It was possible, but Steve doubted she was a mutant. She seemed like an entirely normal, non-superpowered human. Who knew if she would even be interested in being with them once she realized how much their careers affected their life. Near constant missions, early morning training, the PTSD that both he and Bucky carried with them; any one of these on their own could be too much to handle, let alone all of them and all at once.

And then of course she wasn’t even from New York. Did she even want to move? It wasn’t an option for them to leave. Not right now anyway. He and the team were always training new recruits, but most were too young or unprepared to do much in a proper emergency. Maybe if Thor returned to Earth? There were too many factors to consider and Steve didn’t have time to consider them all.

“Stevie?” Bucky calls out from the couch, “are you making dessert in there or what?” Bucky laughs at his own joke; Steve did not bake, not ever. “Get over here!” Steve’s feet slowly march him into the room and next to Bucky who quickly pulls him down to sit next to him.

“Hi!” the woman cheerfully says through Bucky’s device. Steve suddenly forgets how to speak, but thankfully Bucky jumps right back in.

“Steve, I was just telling her about our place in Brooklyn!” They hadn’t discussed this, not any of it, but it made perfect sense. Their home in Brooklyn, where they lived when they could manage to escape from work, was much more private than the tower. They’d have more space as well. “There’s an office that Steve uses sometimes with a day bed in it,” Bucky explains to their soulmate who appears to be curled up in bed.

She’s definitely still in a hotel and a part of Steve’s heart breaks for her. He’s been so self-obsessed with figuring out what he was going to do and understanding his own emotions he had completely forgotten about where her own mind was at. She had just been on a work trip and then her hotel had been demolished by robots. She had to comprehend having two soulmates in just a few hours. He and Bucky had both only gained one and yet their entire life had seemed to change direction. Her life hadn’t just changed direction, it had changed dimensions.

“That sounds lovely,” she tells them after hearing Bucky’s clear offer for her to stay with them. “Unfortunately,” she continues, “I need to go back home at least for a bit and figure some things out first.”

“Of course,” Steve responds calmly, his first real words to her since their meeting at the park a few hours ago. “There’s still a lot that we need to figure out here.” He starts to ramble as his brain quickly comes to a few conclusions. First of all he still has a lot of work to do. Tony’s been sending him messages about new leads on Hydra bases all day, and he knows he still has paperwork to do from the battle. Neither he nor Bucky have filled out official reports yet.

Second, he doesn’t want her in their apartment. They’ve only had it a little over a year and he’s not ready to share everything. “I think for now the Tower would be a better place to get to know each other. Depending on your comfort level you could have your own floor to yourself.”

The figure in the StarkPad appears to let out a breathe in relief. “That sounds good. I really want to take this slow.” She pauses for a bit and looks away from the camera to recompose herself. “I said this to Bucky earlier, but I want to say it again to you, Steve. I’m a bit of a skeptic and I’m not really sure how much I buy into the whole soulmate thing. I’m not trying to dismiss your own relationship with each other, but just looking at the facts, I can’t imagine this relationship at all.”

She seems embarrassed by her candidness or maybe worried about their response as she continues. “I just can’t seem to picture a life with you, both of you, I mean. It’s just, well it’s the last thing I expected and so I’m going to need some time.”

Steve feels more and more relieved as he hears her words. “I agree entirely. We’ll definitely need to take this slow and not rush into anything. Please take your time and do whatever you need to do. We’ll be here if you need anything, a flight home, better hotel, anything, just let us know.” He feels better about this. It’s impersonal, but it’s honest, and right now that’s the best he can do.

“Alright, well I’ll probably get a flight home tomorrow and I’ll keep you updated in the meantime?” She suppresses a yawn and Steve finds himself doing the same.

“Of course,” Bucky tells her. “Have a goodnight.” They say their goodbyes and end the call. Steve lets out a sigh once the call is disconnected and sinks down into the couch cushions.

“What was that for?” Bucky asks sounding tired and bitter.

“What was what for?” Steve counters, immediately regretting his words. He’s known for two years now that he can’t turn Bucky’s emotions against him unless he wants to start a fight, and yet he still falls into the old trap every once in a while.

“That sigh,” Bucky answers harshly, clearly not ready to let this discussion go. “And honestly that whole conversation. You leave me alone for fifteen minutes and I keep saying that you’ll be here any second, but you're not! I didn’t know what to say to her, and then once you do show up you immediately talk about how we should keep our distance and take our time! You make it sound like we don’t even care about her.” Bucky storms out of the living room and into their bedroom.

The topic is new, but their fight is routine. Steve waits thirty seconds before following Bucky who is in bed ignoring Steve and the rest of the world. Steve’s about to start a tête-à-tête about how this is all new for them and that emotions are high because of it, but he doesn’t get the chance.

“What if we never see her again?” Bucky’s voice isn’t much more than a whisper, but Steve hears it loud and clear. He fights against his instinct to proclaim that it might be better that way, and instead sits on the bed and strokes Bucky’s hair. “I don’t know, Buck. It’s up to her for now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m not too sure when the next chapter will be uploaded. Probably not nearly as long as the last chapter's wait, but no promises! Thanks again for reading! I really appreciate it!


	6. Sometimes you will hate me, but that's alright

Instead of a small tattoo-like marking on your inner wrist you feel as if your forehead has been branded with the words ‘I have a soulmate.’ Or maybe worse, a marquee in flashing lights floating above your head with the words, ‘the universe wants me to have a threesome with Captain America and his boyfriend.’

No one was even looking at you anyways, it was all in your mind. Nevertheless, the information that you had two soulmates, famous soulmates at that, could not escape your thoughts. Viewed from the outside with your sleeves pulled nearly over your hands (as much as your wrist brace would allow), you blended right in alongside the product analysts, marketing specialists and car salesmen of the world. Just another person trying to get home before rush hour.

You had been home for two days and getting back into the swing of things proved both difficult and pointless. You’d only be home for a week before heading back to New York City. Back to your soulmates, two of them. You still could barely believe it. The people you had told about it, although few and far between were just as surprised.

Of course you only told them about the one soulmate and naturally you didn’t share their identity. You had stolen Bucky’s idea and taken to covering the SGR imprinted on your left wrist with a band aid. It might have seemed unintuitive since your right wrist was still covered by your brace, but you had told your boss about JBB, and therefore SGR needed to stay hidden.

It was all for the best anyway. You didn’t need or want coworkers getting into your personal life and both Steve and Bucky were relentless with reminding you about the press and various safety concerns. They had been contacting you multiple times a day ever since you had all met in person, and as much as you did like talking to them once the conversation got going, picking up the phone was still nerve wracking.

Nevertheless, you had completed your final day of work in your home state and along with tomorrow came the weekend and time to figure out a lot more stuff. Thankfully your company had a small office in New York and although you’d be taking a small pay cut, you’d be able to keep your job throughout your move. Now you just needed to figure out how to break your lease on your apartment, sell your car, pack everything you want to keep, get rid of everything else, and move all the way to New York City. There was so much to do it was frightening, but the most overwhelming part to you was the after.

After moving there what would you do? Sure you’d have a newish job in a new city and surely you’d be busy with work and unpacking and most importantly getting to know your soulmates, but after that? After you fell into routine? What would be routine? What were your soulmates expectations? You knew they were fine with going slow, but all the same, what were they picturing the future to be?

Were you supposed to be having a dozen babies with superpowers to save the next generation? Were you going to be stuck in a constant state of fear while worrying about them traveling all over the galaxy in rocket ships to save alien populations from going extinct? Or worse, were you going to be stuck on the outside, unable to relate to them at all?

You know it’s pointless to think about all the possibilities, after all they are unbounded and infinite. Yet your mind still wonders what will happen if it doesn’t work out after all. Where you will go if despite being soulmates, you really don’t get along. You’d have to start up again in yet another new city. You certainly couldn’t go back, not after telling so many people about your soulmate, you’d be too embarrassed to explain.

Besides, you already have a life here. Should you really be abandoning it to live with two men who are essentially strangers? So much could go wrong! What you really need is someone to talk this all through. Too bad you don’t have a therapist and most of your friends are far too gossipy.

Plus you had promised the boys, as you had started to call them in your mind, that you wouldn’t tell anyone unless you could swear on your life that they wouldn’t tell another soul. You didn’t know anyone like that, especially not your mother, and so you took to journaling and spending too much time on twitter to avoid your own thoughts. But enough of that, you had plenty to do before flying back and starting the next chapter of your life.

* * *

Moving in went better than expected although you’ll admit that your expectations had been pretty low. You hadn’t brought much anyway, deciding that a storage unit back home was logical at least for a while. Both Steve and Bucky had been thoughtful and sweet all day, even though they weren’t allowed to pick you up at the airport or even drive you to the tower. It had probably been better that way anyways. No one to witness your look of shock as your driver pulled into the private garage of Avengers Tower.

Everything was extravagant in the Tower. The newest fanciest cars (not that you knew cars, but they sure were shiny and sleek), the newest gadgets, décor, the best of everything. Even the light switches seemed to redefine innovation. Greeting you once inside the private portion of the Tower, both boys had taken up your things in their arms, even your carry-on bag from the flight. With your belongings in hand, they had led you to a large glass elevator and up dozens of floors to take you home.

Thankfully Bucky and Steve’s living space resembled a much more ordinary living space. The couches in the living room were new and large and the TV was massive, but all in all it actually looked lived in, a distinct difference from the lower levels of the Tower. Bucky had nervously dashed about the space fetching you water, finding WiFi passwords and all too obviously wondering what you thought of the place.

Your only thought was that you needed space to decompress. Thankfully Steve had either read your mind, or had experienced Bucky’s hovering devotion, and so he had shown you to a guest room down the hall complete with a bathroom and left you to unpack. You didn’t want to actually think about your thoughts or emotions right now, so unpacking it was. A dresser, recently emptied or recently relocated to your new room, became filled with clothes and things, until your three suitcases were empty, and you had nothing to do but think.

Thinking didn’t last long. “Lunch is nearly ready, are you hungry?” Bucky’s voice followed three precise knocks on your door. You stood up hesitantly and opened the door. “Oh, hi,” Bucky said, immediately stepping back a few steps. “We’ve got sandwiches from the deli around the block, but if you want something else Steve’s actually a pretty good cook.”

“Sandwiches sound great, Bucky. Thanks.” You sound either irritated or tired and you desperately hope he’ll think it’s the latter. Sure enough the kitchen table is covered in take out food. Steve’s in the middle of a foot long sub and nearly chokes as he tries to smile around a large bite. He chews, swallows, and nearly finishes a glass of water before he faces you again, his cheeks looking pinker than before.

“So did you manage to unpack alright?” Steve asks shyly, a change from his normally commanding tone. “If there’s not enough space we can find something I’m sure.”

“Plenty of space,” you inform him, trying to sound more pleasant than before, “much more than your typical Manhattan apartment I would think.”

“Tell me about it,” Bucky says smiling, “I still can’t wrap my mind about how much housing costs these days.” The three of you manage to have a normal conversation about the housing market, gentrification, property taxes, and the general state of New York before rounding back around to your actual living situation.

“So, I have to ask,” you venture slowly, “how does this all work? Do you pay Stark rent? Are you required to live here?”

Both men appear unsure of how to answer your question, or possibly where to begin. “We don’t pay Stark rent, although we probably should. Despite it being his building, right now it’s for the Avengers.” Steve pauses to look at Bucky. Bucky doesn’t look willing to interject and so Steve continues. “Any enhanced being, no matter why, when, where or how they became enhanced, are allowed to live here at no cost.”

“Only cost is your labor,” Bucky adds in. “If you live here you are either in training to be an Avenger or you already are an Avenger. Either way you have to train and depending on your standing you have to fight. To avenge I mean.” He appears to almost physically shake off the conversation before taking an exaggerated bite of cookie and exclaiming its excellence. You certainly aren’t an Avenger or an Avenger-in-training but can only assume an exception has been made in your case.

“Long story short,” Steve adds in a subdued tone as Bucky chomps the chocolate chip creation, “we’re here until we get replacements. But even then, well, trouble is always on its way.” You can only nod to that as you chew your own very delicious cookie.

“There’s nothing for you to worry about though,” Bucky chimes in to brighten the mood. “Security is the utmost priority here. Lots of people work here and so there are all sorts of precautions in place to protect civilians.”

“That reminds me,” you tell them as the three of you move to the couches in the living room. “I start work tomorrow.” The boys nod synchronously. “What am I supposed to tell them? They might already know I am moving because of a soulmate match, so how secretive does this need to be?”

They both look uncomfortable and it actually pains you to see how in sync they are, as they communicate without words, fighting over who has to say the following. “No one can know,” Steve finally says. “I know how that sounds, especially since it’s a new relationship, but no one can know it’s us. It’s just too dangerous at this point.”

You kind of saw this coming, but it still hurts to hear it. “We just had a huge battle with HYDRA,” Bucky explains apologetically, “there’s evidence that information from the inside was leaked and so there’s a lot of fear going around right now.”

“So what do I say about you,” you ask plainly. “They might know about me having a soulmate, I’m not sure.”

“You’ll just have to stretch the truth,” Steve explains. “You can say you have a soulmate but explain that you two are taking things slowly. That’s not a lie,” he adds in as if you aren’t already extremely aware of the speed of your relationship. “Don’t even mention that you’ve moved in together. In fact we have a different address for you to use for paperwork. You can’t use the Tower or our place in Brooklyn as your official residence.”

Your face must reveal your thoughts about that. “Look,” Steve adds, “I don’t like it either. It’s deceitful but given the current situation it’s just not safe. The last thing we need is a news leak announcing our new soul mate along with where you work, our apartment address, or even that you exist.” It hurts to know that the world would be better off not knowing of your existence, but you get it. It’s logical and the last thing you want to do is cause problems for your soulmates or any of the Avengers.

Steve goes on to explain the nuances to your lying and Bucky chimes in with all the reasons why it’s for the best and how dangerous HYDRA can be. All the conversation does is make you feel exhausted and wish sandwiches had been dinner rather than lunch so that you could retire for the night.

Steve and Bucky settle into what appears to be typical Sunday afternoon for them in from of the TV and so you head to your room to pretend to reorganize your belongings. Instead you end up reading the entire HYDRA Wikipedia page along with a detailed account of the life of Baron Zemo and his insurrections. The reading material takes over your afternoon and its content leaves you without an appetite. You skip dinner in order to take a long shower and have an early night.

* * *

Work is a disaster to say the least. Office gossip has been your least favorite part of any workplace, but at least at your previous job everyone already knew that. Here everyone is already trying to get a feel for you and your personality which means asking uninterrupted personal questions. Unfortunately, your previous boss had spilled the beans about your new soulmate and so most of the personal questions were directed to this topic.

After seven days of what felt more like 20 years of telling people that having a soulmate didn’t feel that special and that he was more like a new boyfriend, instead of actually getting familiar with your slightly different position, you are heading home again. Home, of course, meaning Avengers Tower. Home unfortunately isn’t that appealing. So unappealing in fact, you decide to go for a late night stroll.

It’s mid-October and dark at 6 PM, but that doesn’t stop you from walking around an unfamiliar city. It isn’t that there is something wrong with Steve or Bucky. It’s just as you had said to your coworkers. They felt more like new boyfriends, and well if you had moved in with a new boyfriend a week after meeting, you would be considered crazy by most. Sure, you were soulmates and therefore they should mean more to you, but you were still so conflicted.

You wanted to like them, and you wanted them to like you. Desperately you wanted their approval. More than you’d ever admit out loud you wanted to have with someone what they so clearly had with each other. They were the perfect example of soulmates, and here you were stepping in the middle of it all.

Worst of all, you couldn’t help but feel fake when you were around them. You held your tongue and didn’t speak your mind. You were oddly formal with them especially when meeting their friends. Sam and Bruce had been friendly, and you had acted like you were an alien who had learned about human interaction from a documentary about the war of 1812. The other Avengers you had met were just as stiff as you, though. During your singular interaction in a common area of the Tower, Wanda could be described as high strung at best and Vision spoke like he was a historian straight out of the previously mentioned BBC documentary.

The most powerful (scary) of the Avengers (other than Wanda of course) you had thankfully not run into yet. Not that you ventured outside of Steve and Bucky’s living space often. Honestly, you barely even ventured out of your room. Breakfast was a quick affair in the mornings, usually you’d just grab something on the way out. The rest of the day was spent avoiding conversations and trying to fit into the new work environment.

You’d always been on the introverted side of things but knowing that you couldn’t tell the whole truth to these people made you feel like you shouldn’t say a word. After a day of work you’d come home to either take out or a home-cooked dinner. Steve and Bucky were often sore or tired from training, but the conversations has been getting better although they could still be cringey. Sometimes you’d retreat to your room and wonder if that had been a blind date with a stranger would you have ended up blocking phone numbers.

Weekends were better, but not by much. You liked spending time with Bucky and Steve, but you always felt like a third wheel, invading their personal space. They were more than welcoming. They were always accommodating your wants and needs, constantly inviting you into conversations, and explaining inside jokes, but every once in a while they’d give each other a look that said things you’d never understand, and your heart fell to your feet.

All of this added up into you deciding to explore the city on your own. Maybe a Tuesday night with no warning wasn’t a good time to do so, but you didn’t care. Steve and Bucky didn’t like going out and you didn’t know who else you could possibly ask to do touristy things with. Anyway, you ended up in Central Park near to where you had first met the both of them. You scanned the path wondering if it was closer to this set of elms or those in which your entire life flipped upside down.

Time had apparently floated away from you along with thoughts about who you had waiting for you at home. It was past 9 and you still needed to find a way out of the park. You pulled out your phone to see if GPS could get you out of this mess, but you only found another mess. You had a dozen missed calls and nearly twice as many text messages. Apparently going for a walk after work without contacting your boyfriends was an Avengers level threat.

Thankfully only two Avengers were out on the search. Steve and Sam, with Bucky at home in case you showed up, were wandering about the city searching for clues. A phone call later, a superhero escort home, and you felt like you were 16 years old staying out past curfew.

“What the hell were you thinking!” Not at all asking a question, Steve had let you have it once Sam had been thanked and sent away. “Do you realize how worried we were about you!” Again, not a question, but you just couldn’t stand there and do nothing.

“I’m sorry!” you shout back, surprising yourself a little with your volume. Steve had been stern but not loud. You had been the opposite, loud and on the edge of hysterical. “You’re right! I didn’t think! How can I think? What if HYDRA reads my mind and finds out who my soulmates are?” You’re ready to say more. You want to say more. But already you’ve hurt feelings and if you keep going then things could go beyond repair.

Bucky looks devastated and Steve looks worn thin. You keep your mouth shut and stay in your room for the rest of the night. Bucky leaves a warmed up portion of dinner outside of your door, but you don’t touch it. You refuse to need him or anyone else. You can get by just on your own, you always have before.

* * *

A scream of anguish wakes you from your sleep. Flipping on your bedside lamp you sit upright in bed until another scream causes you to jump. You’re not sure what the protocol is in this situation. You had read the full binder of Avengers Tower protocols but most of those were signaled with flashing lights or blasting sirens. This didn’t seem like a Hulk situation or a nuclear attack, not that you would be familiar with either. This seems more like a person in pain.

A loud thud makes you open your door and cautiously you leave your room. Another howl of pain is heard but this time you can identify where it comes from. Steve and Bucky’s room. You’ve only been in it once before when you were taken around to all the rooms on a proper tour of the space. You hesitate outside the closed door but once you hear the deep rumble of Steve’s voice soothing, you open the door a crack.

Steve and Bucky are on the ground. Bucky’s mostly hidden in the shadows of Steve’s form, but you can tell that he’s not okay. You creep closer and the sound of the door creaking wider alerts both of them to your presence. Their movement scares you more than you’d like to admit, and Steve’s voice scares you even more than that.

“Get out.” This time the sternness and volume are both there. You’re frozen like a deer in headlights and in your blatant staring you realize that although Bucky’s eyes are wide open, he appears to still be asleep. “Out!” Steve bellows again, this time scaring Bucky as well. Bucky’s body flinches and tries to get away from Steve, but Steve’s hold on Bucky is strong and the last thing you see.

You flee back to your room and stay awake all night. Lights on, sitting up under the covers, you strain your ears until there is no more sound. As the daylight starts streaming in through the windows, you and Bucky both fall back asleep in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


	7. My heart beats so unruly

Bucky dreams of something red and blue. When he wakes up to Steve’s eyes scanning his face, he can’t help but wonder how Steve can occupy so many of his thoughts and maybe now even his dreams. “Again?” He carefully asks Steve who only lets out a sigh in response as he thankfully rolls over to get out of bed. Bucky stretches lazily, wondering if it was bad enough that Steve will let him stay in bed for a few more hours.

“She saw you last night,” Steve mentions casually as if he doesn’t know the weight that those words carry with them. Bucky feels sick instantly. For an instant he had forgotten it wasn’t just Steve and him alone against the world. It wasn’t even Steve and him alone in their home.

“She saw what?” Maybe it hadn’t been bad. Maybe she had seen him afterwards asleep in bed, Steve playing bodyguard. The maybes disappear once he sees Steve’s face.

“Time to get up,” he tosses a shirt at Bucky, “we’ll need to talk to her about this. I think I fucked it up again.” The two of them get dressed as Steve softly explains the situation to Bucky. How he had cried out and how he had fallen off the bed and she had come in to witness it all. How Steve had sent away without explanation.

Steve sounded slightly regretful at that admission, but Bucky knows he would do it again. Bucky has hurt people before in the midst of a nightmare; he’s hurt Steve before. He doesn’t blame Steve for sending her away immediately, but there could’ve been a better middle ground than this. If only they had known in advance and had warned her in time. They should’ve told her. Bucky should have, but let’s face it, no one wants to talk about their heaviest baggage at the start of a new relationship.

Dressed and armed with orange juice and toast they knock on their soulmate’s door. No answer and so they knock again. Steve is insufferably impatient, so Bucky is surprised to see him pause and knock for a third time instead of just barging in. This time they hear movement and then a quiet, “oh fuck.” Steve knocks yet again and this time she opens the door.

“I needed to leave for work about ten minutes ago.” She’s a rush around her room, grabbing a water bottle and laptop off her desk and shoving them into a bag, simultaneously putting on socks. Bucky’s honestly impressed with the speed of her morning routine, but Steve, impatient as always, tells her there’s no point.

“Already called in for you. Told them you caught a cold. Probably just a 24 hour thing so you’ll be good to go tomorrow.” She frowns at hearing that and Bucky nearly laughs at the expression. It’s both so similar to Steve’s disappointment and so very different. Something about the angle of the mouth maybe? Either way Steve is a man on a mission as he takes the tray of food from Bucky’s arms, deposits it on her desk, and tells her to get dressed and to come to the living room so that they can talk.

Bucky wants to tell her not to worry; tell her that it’s not a scary talk as insinuated from Steve’s tone of voice, but he doesn’t get a chance. The pair head down the short hallway and into the living room. Bucky doesn’t know what to say to Steve so they sit in silence and wait for her to come out so they can apologize and explain.

* * *

Steve does most of the talking. It’s a lot of earnest promises, most of which involving some kind of abstract intangible noun. Respect, patience, dedication, compassion, and awareness are just a few. After Steve’s done with the fluff, although Bucky imagines Steve believes it to be of a much higher importance, they get to the real situation.

Steve’s flustered in a way that Bucky knows this isn’t an act. This isn’t a press conference or even one of his pre battle speeches, it’s deeply personal, even if it is somewhat mentally organized in advance. Looking at his other soulmate’s face he can only hope she sees the same.

Steve explains his fear of her getting hurt. Bucky tries not to cringe at that. He hates hearing it even more than Steve hates saying it. “Bucky has some pretty bad nightmares. And well, he’s super powered. I hate the idea of you getting hurt.”

She jumps in to interrupt Steve’s speech, something Steve hasn’t anticipated. Bucky imagines Steve’s brain rearranging his flashcards as she explains that she was hurt. Her feelings are hurt and in the future she’d like some heads up. She had no idea what was going and was worried about him. They all pause on this and Bucky wishes he had his notebook now. There’s some thoughts running through his mind that he’d like to discuss with his therapist later. Her perspective is not one to be forgotten.

“Bucky,” her voice is gentle, making him wonder if he’s lost of track of time again. He glances at the clock on the wall and thankfully only the second hand has moved. “Are you okay?” He’s really not too sure how to answer.

He was triggered by her leaving last night and that’s the last thing he wants to tell her. Although there’s probably some irony in that. She didn’t tell them where she went last night and in return he won’t tell her about how that caused a built up of fear. Fear about her being captured and killed; fear that Steve would somehow hold this against him too. Fear that this guilt would eat him alive while the rest of the world pretended not to see.

As children Bucky had often been too overprotective of Steve and over the past two years Steve has returned the favor. Now Bucky wonders if they will both start acting this way to her. He wonders if it’s the right thing to do; if it has ever been the right thing to do.

When he falls back into reality he sees that more than the second hand has moved. However, she and Steve are still waiting patiently for his answer. “Uh, I’m much better now. But, yeah, I think Steve’s right. Your safety is still of utmost importance. I, I, well I wasn’t very gentle with Steve in the past.” Steve wants to defend Bucky, but Bucky just wants to finish his thought.

“I wasn’t in the right mindset, obviously, but I still fall back into that sometimes,” he tries not to think of those sometimes. “And I would hate to know that I have caused any harm to you.” He makes sure both she and Steve are paying attention. “I hate hearing that we did cause harm to you and I really am sorry for that. Are you okay?”

She is okay and she appreciates Bucky asking or at least she claims to. Steve, eager to get back to his planned out speech and away from all of these emotions, jumps back in to discuss getting her on a training schedule. “Maybe just one on one over the weekend. We can start this Saturday!” His enthusiasm is real, but so is the disappointment on her face.

Steve wants her to be prepared to defend herself, but she declines the offer and Bucky supports her decision. He knows what it’s like having to do something unwillingly and he would never do the same to her. Steve clearly still wants her to do something to learn about self-defense, but thankfully he lets it go for the time being.

They wrap up the conversation by agreeing that she will move into a separate suite at Avengers Tower later today. Steve even has some friendly advice for how she can meet people who are in a similar situation, at least on the recent soulmate connection side of things. He’s got a list of support groups, clubs and activities in the area for her to peruse as well as a list of Steve and Bucky’s favorite activities. Bucky doubts she’ll be interested in their boxing matches with the trainees, but maybe she’d like to cook dinner with Steve? Either way they leave the living room in a friendly mood, all three in need of an afternoon nap.

* * *

The peace had lasted about four days, which is less than what all would have wanted, but probably about what they had all anticipated. The evening had started playful enough, Thai takeout in front of trash TV, but it had turned sour fast. An over the top declaration of love from an “entrepreneur” to a “social media influencer”, had led to a large amount of laughter and sarcasm. At least until it had reminded Bucky of something.

“Don’t laugh, but I swear to God Stevie said something like that to me when we were kids.” It’s hard to take anyone seriously when you’re in the middle of a reality show with much needed sarcastic comments constantly filing in the gaps. It was practically expected when she had responded in order to mock.

“Oh, yeah?” She had countered back, “did he swear he could see stars in your eyes too or was it Mars or maybe all the way to Pluto?”

“No,” Bucky had said, a soft smile on his face with his eyes looking off into the distance, possibly all the way to Mars. “You said you could see the future in my eyes, Stevie. Do you remember that?” Steve had looked shocked at this admission and clearly not ready to confirm or deny such comments without some thought. “Did you mean it?”

Now, Bucky got this way every so often, just like how every so often he would have a rough night. There’s nothing he can do about it, except maybe have the worst possible timing. Because when he gets this way, effectively challenging Steve on how much he is adored and loved, Steve joins him in full force.

“Of course I remember, baby.” Steve had sat beside his decades-long lover on the couch. “And of course I meant it. I want to spend forever with you; you’re my future.”

Y/N, on the other hand had apparently been too wine drunk to understand their blatantly romantic gestures to be honest and true. And so she had easily dismissed them, quite similar to how one does when watching gorgeous people on TV declare love to one another shortly after meeting, which of course they had still been watching.

Her dismissal unfortunately hadn’t been an under the breath comment that Bucky and Steve might miss, but instead heavy, inebriated laughter. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” she had cried out, one hand holding her wine glass the other her stomach. “You two kill me. Please, please try to get your own show! America would love it!”

As imagined, this did not go over well with Steve and Bucky, but mostly Steve. Steve, who had been bullied heavily as a child mostly for his size but also because he had a male soulmate, did not handle people ridiculing his love very well in the 21st century. The next bit had been a bit of a blur for Bucky but before he knew it there had been shouting.

The shouting hadn’t lasted long and both she and Steve apologized a least a dozen times before heading off to bed early. Still lost in daydreams of a skinny Steve promising to love him forever, Bucky remains on the couch alone save for the TV still rattling on. The show ends, and startles Bucky up and out of his reveries. He needs fresh air, and a walk will give him that just fine.

He’s barely into the elevator when a familiar form joins him. “Romanoff,” he acknowledges, and she responds with a thoughtful nod.

“Lovers quarrel?” she questions after it’s clear they will not be joined by others for their ride down. Bucky tries not to groan. Of course they had been overheard. And worst of all, he’s not even terribly sure what the fight had been about.

“I must say I feel pity for that girl,” Natasha starts casually enough, but Bucky knows there lies purpose in her words. “Clearly you three have a connection, and not just the soulmate bond, but really, how can she feel anything other than inferior?”

“She’s just a human,” Bucky responds halfheartedly. He’s been fighting for her since day one, but now it all feels futile. Their souls might belong together, but in this lifetime or another?

“Exactly,” is Natasha’s response. “She doesn’t exactly fit in here.”

“I know,” Bucky all but whines. He’s tired of people pointing out all the ways he and Steve are the same which inevitably are all the ways that she is different. He’s tired of thinking of them up by himself.

“So do something about it,” is all Natasha has to say in response before exiting the elevator. Do something about it? What the hell is Bucky supposed to do? He ponders it on his quick stroll outside. He can’t inject her with super soldier serum. He can’t give her a metal arm. She doesn’t even want to touch a weapon. She doesn’t even- no he needs to stop that. He needs to think of the ways that she does fit in.

She’s smart. She’s clever and funny when she’s not nervous. She’s hardworking and thoughtful. She’s a lot like Natasha actually. Fighting for what she wants, not willing to bow down even if it would work out better that way. She stands up to Steve in order to speak her mind, even when she knows she will lose. She clearly cares about them, both of them.

Steve might not want to admit it, but he’s an all or nothing sort of guy. He loves big once he loves and although he might not be there yet with her, Bucky is sure they will reach that point. He’s already protective of her and his apologies have come easily without complaint nor compromise. Bucky has faith that they’ll work it out.

Sure enough they do. When Bucky returns back to the living room he find it not empty as he had expected but occupied. She and Steve are together on the couch fast asleep with the credits of some movie rolling across the screen.

Steve’s arm is underneath her body, in a way that is sure to cut off blood flow yet Steve’s face homes the smallest smile. Bucky feels something deep in his chest. He’s not the best at navigating his emotions anymore so he sorts through the options systematically. He’s not angry or sad or hungry or tired (at least not enough to impact his mood). He’s not excited or nervous or happy.

He’s not jealous, which makes him add surprise to his current emotional state. He wishes he had the laminated list of emotions his therapist provided him. He often feels like a fake in his own life, like maybe he’s just an actor cast in the role of himself. This isn’t that. It’s a real emotion, something he knows is all him, not pretend. He digs deep inside himself to search for a connection to the past. He’s certainly felt this previously in the before. If he can only determine when maybe he’ll figure it out.

It finally hits him when he remembers the same evening he had recalled earlier. A summer evening, him and Steve picnicking in the park. Steve had squeezed his hand when they reached for their sandwiches at the same time, and he had felt it. Content. He knows what it feels like to snuggle on the couch with Steve. He looks forward to knowing what it’s like with her, and better yet her and Steve together. Knowing that his soulmates can find that feeling with each other, especially since they had been at odds all too recently, leaves him the most satisfied man in the world.

* * *

Sore is a better descriptor for how Bucky feels nearly two weeks after the late night fight and make up. The new trainees had decided to play a prank on Cap in the form of water balloons and in response, Bucky along with the rest of them, had the hardest day they’d had in months. Running laps while their Captain strutted around in tight exercise clothes was incredibly unfair. Especially when all Bucky had done was signal the others when Steve was leaving lunch. It barely counted!

Thankfully Steve preferred to keep his Captain identity separate from Steve and Steve wasn’t nearly as upset with Bucky about his favorite sneakers being soaked. They had had a lovely dinner with Y/N, complete with Bucky showing a slow motion video of an unsuspecting Captain getting nailed in the head with a pink water balloon.

Unable to stop her laughing, she had offered to clear the table while Bucky and Steve could rewind for the evening. Although they had both already showered in the locker rooms downstairs, Bucky truly felt his true age in his joints and wanted a bath. With Y/N distracted with clean up and what not for the evening, he could surely encourage Steve into a hot bath.

It took Steve an embarrassingly short amount of time to be convinced by Bucky that they needed another wash. Bucky had filled the oversized tub in their large bathroom with bubbles and they had been comfortably chatting; Steve’s body relaxing against Bucky’s. The peace and quiet didn’t last long.

“Steve?” a voice called out from outside of their bedroom. “Stark is calling you.”

Steve’s response surprised Bucky only for a second. “Come on in!” Both of them know Steve would never answer Stark’s call on his personal cell after hours. That meant Steve could only be up to mischief. Perhaps this was the real payback for the afternoon?

“Uh, where are you?” Her voice was closer but not quite close enough.

“Bath,” Steve responded simply, “come in.”

She did so very slowly and immediately shielded her eyes once she realized that they were actually in the bath together. She’d been clearly embarrassed, a delightful blush covering her face. “Sorry! I had no idea you were-uh.” She gestured at them then quickly turned around to face the door. She sounded like she’d been struggling to find air much less words to say. Bucky wanted to laugh. Steve had always been such a tease.

“Sweetheart, we told you to come in, it’s okay.” Steve responded as if they had been caught doing crossword puzzles in the kitchen. “What were you saying earlier?”

She closed her eyes to approach them and handed Steve his phone. Stark had already left a voicemail that Steve would probably ignore. She’d still been flustered and pink cheeked as she told them in as few words as possible, “Stark called.” She sneaked a look at them as she left and when she saw Bucky notice her wandering eyes she turned red and slammed the door shut.

Bucky couldn’t stop the giggles as he looked at a proud Steve. “I was hoping she’d get in and join us.” Bucky said half joking, but not really.

“Slow,” Steve reminded Bucky as he had resettled back into Bucky’s chest.

“You’re one to talk,” Bucky laughed at Steve, “you told her to come in here. I didn’t do anything!”

Steve smirked in response then said plainly, “I know you’re turned on, Bucky. You can’t say you didn’t appreciate her coming in here to check us out.” Bucky grinned, thinking about the way she had admired their muscular upper bodies amidst the bubbles.

Then with a low whisper in Steve’s ear, Bucky said, “well, are you gonna help me out with it or what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading and commenting! I apologize again for the long wait! In other news, after 100+ applications and 20+ interviews, your girl finally got a job offer! I don't start for a while, but I'm not entirely sure what will happen to this in the meantime. I do have a decent outline, so hopefully I'll be able to get more written before I start my new job! Thanks again :)


	8. And all I do is hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ridiculously long chapter but I can only blame myself and my over ambitious outline. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> The real plot of this story takes shape in this chapter so hopefully you will still be intrigued! 
> 
> On a side note, I've been imagining reader to be in her early twenties, but it doesn't really impact plot. There is a reference to her age, but it's not specific as of now. It might come up more later on, but I'll try to keep it vague.

Most of November has come and gone and there haven’t been any big fights. Two of them did leave for a week-long mission in Prague, but in all honestly Steve thinks the fact that she’s moved into her own space on the floor below them, has made a larger impact. Sticking with honesty, Steve has to admit that he and Bucky weren’t doing that good before she had showed up. It really wasn’t her fault that adding another element to an already rocky situation would end in an avalanche.

Steve’s just happy the fallout wasn’t worse. In fact, he’d say that they had plateaued back to normal, or at least as normal as they could get. Life was actually a far cry from normal when one is friendly with billionaires. The invitation to a “family style” Thanksgiving with the Avengers had been on their fridge since the first, and here they are less than 24 hours until the get-together and Steve isn’t sure he’s fully comprehended it yet.

The invite is from Pepper and Tony, but really Pepper. It invites the three of them to a brunch and dinner (complete with a turkey, honey roasted ham, and plenty of vegan and vegetarian alternatives). The location is none other than Stark’s cabin. Not the small three bedroom where Tony can escape avengering to live with his five year old and wife, but the gigantic “cabin” Tony purchased once he realized how much he liked getting out of the city.

The mansion wasn’t really a cabin, except for the aesthetics of course. Massive amounts of money spent that could go towards worthy causes aside, the gesture is really sweet. Despite Tony leaving to build his own life, his own family; he’s remained clear on the position that the Avengers are a family as well. His family as well. And if his family of three adores cabin life, well then by god, so will his family that seems to be ever expanding.

Steve can only hope that one day he can do the same. However, right now, he still feels obligations towards Natasha, Sam, and the three dozen recruits they’ve been training. Every day it seems there are new mutants arriving in New York looking for a place to stay, and they aren’t your typical occupants. They need help. Help with controlling newly gained powers, or with the emotional trauma that came from others simply not understanding who they are. Steve can relate.

So he’s not ready to leave New York City for a cabin in the woods yet, not even if everyone else in his life seems to think the opposite. Of course the new addition to his life, his new soulmate, certainly has changed the game, but Steve was still evaluating. He wanted to be sure before he got in too deep. He had never really trusted Rumlow (and other similar SHIELD personal) and he had certainly not had a connection with him (soulmate or otherwise), and yet the betrayal felt so personal. He’s not looking for a repeat.

Thanksgiving has always been a tricky time for him too. Holidays always are. He remembers how he used to spend his Thanksgivings in the way before. His mother would make a pumpkin pie for just the two of them. Normal size of course, and every year they overate until they felt ill. And every year it had been worth it, completely worth it.

Thanksgivings after her death he had spent with Bucky. At first it was spent with the Barnes family and more pies than he could count, although he could never bare to take even one bite. But they were loud and unfamiliar, and Bucky had way too many little cousins and judgmental aunts and uncles and well, Steve was happier when it was just the two of them, even if they didn’t eat turkey or a special meal at all.

Thanksgivings in the after he barely acknowledged. He offered himself up for missions overseas so he could escape the Macy’s Day parade with giant inflatable characters he didn’t recognize. He didn’t like the unfamiliar, but even worse was the familiar. He didn’t want to think of pumpkin pies or Thursdays off work or even families. He missed his mother desperately and as for Bucky, he tried not to think about him unless he was in the shower, an empty building, or in bed at three in the morning.

Then it had all changed and suddenly Thanksgiving could mean something again. It turns out that after all, Steve did have an awful lot to be thankful for. His team had always had his back, and when he had thought he was alone, he was really just building a new family. An unusual, unruly, understanding family.

This year was no exception, in fact his gratitude had only expanded. Y/N’s empathy towards his outbursts was more than he could ever appreciate, and watching Bucky fall in love with someone else wasn’t as scary as he had expected but thrilling and exciting. Okay, maybe falling in love was taking a bit too far, but if Steve saw Bucky make puppy eyes at her one more time he might just go kiss her himself to get it over with.

Kissing a girl hadn’t been something on his mind since he was a kid. Sure, he had loved Peggy Carter, but that was almost in a different way. Maybe it was just the soulmate connection, but with Peggy it had felt more intellectual, more logical. He wasn’t drawn to Peggy in the same way he feels now. Peggy had been gorgeous of course, but with her his concerns fell more along the lines of how will she react when she finds out I have a soulmate, not will she want to kiss me.

Realizing his bisexuality had been altogether a different experience. There were so many terms for things in the 21st century and Steve wanted to know and understand them all. After much deliberation he had determined that he was definitely attracted to both women and men, something he had been entirely grateful for on that fateful fall day in Central Park.

Just over a month and a half later and he’s wondering how much of a hand fate has in today. Despite their extended stay in Avengers Tower, instead of retreating to their place in Brooklyn, Y/N has yet to meet all of the team. He knows that they are a rowdy crew and so he has plans in mind of how to give her space to decompress from the crowd or funny stories he can use to steer the conversation away from personal information. Along with meeting the rest of the “official” team, it’ll be her first time spending a proper amount of time with them.

In just a few hours they will take the quinjet, along with many others, to Tony’s cabin (the big one). On arrival they will have a casual Thanksgiving brunch, as stated in Pepper’s invitation. The rest of the afternoon will be spent lounging, drinking, watching football, and undoubtedly trying to pry information out of his newest soulmate. Dinner will be served at 7 and (more) drinks will inevitably follow.

Pepper’s schedule also practically forced them to stay the night, thanks to a fireworks show starting at midnight (Stark showing off not only his pyrotechnics but a new force field he swore was the new big thing) and continuing until at least one in the morning. At that point, no one would want to travel back to New York, even if it was only a 30 minute journey, and so Pepper had thoughtfully assigned everyone guest rooms.

She had, thankfully, provided Y/N with her own room, although it was attached to his and Bucky’s by a jack and jill style bathroom. That was the least of Steve’s problems though. He was much more considered about Thor staying next door. Why the god of thunder was coming to Thanksgiving dinner and couldn’t be bothered to travel by way of magic hammer back home, was beyond Steve’s understanding of the man.

It’s nearly time to head to the roof to take off and Steve is hiding in the kitchen pretending to add last minute touches on his mashed potatoes. Why both Bucky and Y/N believed that he could be adjusting six full casserole dishes of mashed potatoes should have been concerning, but if he wanted to think about their cooking skills he would just throw himself into another breakdown.

He could do this. It was a fact. He had done this year after year and sure things have changed, but they had changed in the past years too. He had gotten through all of those and so he would do the same today. In 24 hours they would be back in their normal routine and he wouldn’t have to think about Thanksgiving for another 12 months.  
“You okay in here?” Y/N had apparently found his last minute potato adjustment to be lasting longer than expected (although how long should a potato adjustment last?).

“Great!” Steve responds perhaps too quickly. “I was just thinking maybe we should make one of these like extra garlic? What do you think?” It's far too energetic as well.

“Um, isn’t it too late for that? I mean they’re already cooked, and we should be leaving like right now.” She pauses to stare at the mashed potatoes. She must decide that Steve really is going insane and asks again, “Steve are you okay?”

Bucky, having heard Steve’s musings about garlic, joins them in the kitchen. “Well we don’t have any vampires on the team yet, right?” Bucky once again says just the right thing at just the right time. Steve instantly feels better. Bucky wraps his arm around Steve’s waist and kisses the top of his head. Surprisingly enough, he pulls Y/N over and does the same. “Okay let’s pack these up and go?” He’s met with nods and two minutes later with overnight bags and 30 pounds of potato in hand, they head upstairs to their ride.

* * *

Their ride is late. Not really, since the quinjet is here and ready to go, but Pepper has apparently put in place a 30 minute buffer in case of stragglers. Despite annoying Steve to high hell, it was probably a good forethought to have. Barton and his family are late and so the three of them along with Spider-Kid, Spider’s aunt, Sam, Natasha, and Bruce are left to awkwardly converse.

The ever talkative Peter jumps into a story of what could possibly be a field trip or an actual battle. Steve didn’t approve of a high schooler on the team, but Tony had made an exception and Steve really did like the kid, so he joined the team for occasional training and only if absolutely necessary, missions. Bucky, on the other hand, was not a fan of Parker. Something about him just got on Bucky’s nerves and maybe Y/N too, considering the bizarre look on her face.

“So anyway, I started swinging,” Parker says with far too much enthusiasm for an 18 year old at 9AM on a non-school day.

“Sorry,” Y/N interrupted, “swinging?”

Parker’s face made a hilarious oh shit face. How this kid managed to keep his identity secret in the outside world was beyond Steve. Peter was scrambling to recover while his Aunt May looked less than pleased. “Um, yeah, on the playground! Just on a uh, a swing set!”

“At the Washington Monument?” Peter doesn’t know what to say to that and so Steve decides to save the kid.

“It’s fine, kid. She can keep a secret.” After all, she was keeping secrets that were almost just as big. Secrets that he should probably tell Parker and his aunt before things got weirder. “She’s actually our soulmate.”

“Woah! Really? No way, that is so cool!” Peter’s aunt looks just as surprised, but she manages to keep her mouth shut. “You have two soulmates! What are the odds? I mean, super, super tiny. Most people are lucky to find one soulmate! Hey, I wonder if everyone has multiple soulmates and they just never find them.”

He’s about to go into a whole other discussion about soulmates, so Steve just explains to Y/N why he was swinging in Washington D.C. “This here is Spider-Man.” Steve’s not sure what reaction he was expecting but she’s not really surprised. Instead she’s nearly just as excited as Peter is at the prospects of three soulmates bonded together.

“Really? That’s so cool! I’ve heard about you in the news!” Peter blushes a bit but overall looks very pleased. Steve realizes two things very quickly, first is that this kid is definitely checking out his soulmate. Second is that his soulmate and this kid are closer in age to each other than to him. Granted, he’s nearly a century old at this point, but still she is much, much younger than him and he’s not sure why it took him so long to notice.

Clint and his family are supposedly stuck in traffic and they’re technically not behind schedule anyway so after Peter blushingly offers to take Y/N on a tour of the labs, he watches them leave. Steve wonders why he hasn’t taken her on a tour of the labs. Sure, he didn’t know any of the equipment and he might not even be able to get in without some kind of pass, but he’s Captain America! If she wanted to see the labs he could have showed her himself!

Ten minutes later, after some halfhearted comments on the weather, Barton with his family in tow arrive. “Sorry about the delay!” Mrs. Barton apologizes kindly. Steve knows her and her family and so he knows she is not the one who should be apologizing.

“Terrible traffic!” Clint says giving Steve a cheerful hug. “But I guess Pepper knows us too well. Should we hit the sky?” Clint spins around trying to determine who he has missed in his greetings. “Where’s the new soulmate? And the kid?”

“Uh, I’ll go grab them,” Bucky offers and he’s off in a flash. The rest go get seated in the quinjet with Natasha at the helm with baby Nathaniel in her lap. Clint and Steve load up the overnight bags and food into the jet and Clint attempts to catch up.

“Been a while, Cap. How’re things?” Steve’s really not sure what to say except ask Clint the same. Clint gives him a breakdown of life on the farm and the kids before asking him again. “How are you?”

Thankfully the others are distracted with getting the kids settled in the jet and so he and Clint can pause outside to talk. “Okay I guess. Nothing major since the AIM bots in September.” They both know that Avengers missions are not what Clint wants an update on. “It’s tricky,” Steve admits, “balancing all of us. But I think it’ll work. I mean I know it’ll work. Bucky’s been putting in a lot of effort and I know we’ll get there.”

“And you?” Clint asks, both of them pretending to wait for Bucky, Y/N and Peter’s arrival. Steve feigns confusion and Clint rolls his eyes. “Are you putting in effort?”

“Yes!” Steve says but the way he feels after answering makes him feel like he just lied. He’s been trying, but not enough. “I’ve got some more to-” Thankfully Steve doesn’t need to finish his statement which he doesn’t know how to end because the missing triad arrive.

Quick introductions are made and then the five of them board the jet to go to yet another Tony Stark residence.

* * *

The introductions made to the rest of the team, namely Tony Stark don’t go as smoothly. Tony makes innuendo after innuendo about the triad of soulmates, and Steve just hopes that this conversation won’t haunt him for the rest of his life. Y/N takes it as well as one could and thankfully when Pepper and Morgan show up, the jokes get toned down.

The brunch, however, is lovely. It really is. There’s three dozen bagels still warm from the city and plenty of spreads to go with. There’s homemade banana bread, fresh fruit, and Bruce is even making omelets. Steve is grateful for the casual atmosphere and mimosas. It takes much more than a bottle of champagne to get him drunk these days, much less half a glass, but it’s refreshing.

After the interesting introduction to Tony, he can’t imagine how she’s feeling now, but it’s nice to lounge about and talk about nothing serious except the Purina dog show. She and Parker are rooting for dog breeds he’s never even heard of, with Sam sticking with a standard poodle named Siba. Steve doesn't really get the appeal, but it’s a cute enough conversation that he doesn’t want it to end even if he isn’t contributing. The conversation does move from dogs to living in the city to living in the country and more and more people join their little group.

It turns out everyone has opinions on Stark’s giant cabin or mansion depending on who is speaking. Natasha is concerned about security, “a four story 20,000 square foot house doesn’t really make sense in the middle of a forest, does it?” Bruce thinks it’s a great idea, “living in the wilderness can really influence a person’s well-being!” And Tony doesn’t care to hear any of it.

“No satellites to be scared of,” he tells Natasha after pulling up schematics based on Wakandan forcefield and tells Bruce that forest air has been doing “wonders to his skin, nails, and hair.” Steve tries not to laugh at that last one but is secretly glad when Tony changes the conversation from country living to his latest protégée, Mr. Parker and his science projects.

Steve doesn’t need more people telling him it’s time to retire and get his own cabin. He doesn’t want to admit that ever since she showed up, it’s been all he dreams of; she and Bucky and him drinking hot chocolate in front of a massive fire forgetting about the rest of the world.

Parker’s explanation of how he created his webbage is cut short by FRIDAY, Stark’s virtual assistant. “Boss, you’re needed in your office.” Steve is half surprised that Stark has an office here, surely a workshop would be a better name? Tony on the other hand almost appears to have anticipated this exact moment. Maybe Tony really didn’t love these gatherings anymore. It was hard to believe the Tony he had met in 2012 would quit the party scene, but Morgan’s birth had most definitely changed things. Steve can’t help but think of a baby, but not Stark’s. Maybe in a few years?

Thankfully the conversation continues just fine without their host. Pepper, their real host, is busy with Clint trying to get the kids to quit messing with some gadget or other. He’s met Morgan before and there was no doubt she was her father’s daughter and judging by the way Barton’s daughter pitched her apple core into the bin, there’s no need for a paternity test there either. He grabs Bucky’s hand and wraps an arm around his other soulmate and head to one of the many living rooms.

The rest of the childless Avengers either join them in retiring to couches or head to the kitchen. Some are ready for football others for preheating ovens and Steve is thankfully in the first group. His potatoes only need to be warmed up for dinner and he hates being in the kitchen with a bossy Natasha, typically armed with at least one large knife.

A little while later, Tony returns back from his office looking a bit rattled. “What was it?” Pepper asks her husband, looking both concerned and distracted by her daughter’s antics.

“Really weird.” Tony looks even more concerned than Pepper. “FRIDAY informed me that someone or something was attempting to hack into the Soulmate Registry Database.” Now Steve is just plain intrigued. He can’t help but let his curiosity get the best of him.

“Isn’t that out of your jurisdiction anyway?” Steve doesn’t mean for it to come off so judgmental, but it does. Stark takes it in stride, something he’s gotten much better at over the past five years.

“It is.” Stark replies, “which just makes it weirder that they would try to get to it through me. My security is stronger than the federal government. Everyone knows that; everyone should know that.”

“But it’s secure, right?” Steve already knows the answer, so he’s not sure why he’d ask. Security has become Tony’s middle name since the first attack from space.

“Yeah, frankly there’s nothing to hack from my end.” Despite this, Tony is focused on a StarkPad which is displaying schematics that Steve can’t read from his seat on the couch.

“All right,” Pepper says, pointedly looking away from the trio, “then let’s talk about something different.” Steve follows Pepper’s eyeline to his soulmate. Y/N is crossing and uncrossing her legs and her hands are clasped tightly in her lap.

Steve hadn’t quite thought about the implications of their conversation. Y/N is clearly looking uncomfortable. After all, her personal information was in the Soulmate Database. And so was Bucky’s. Maybe this was a bigger issue than even Stark realized. Steve plans to pull Tony aside before dinner to talk in private about the possible ramifications of a data leak, but he never gets the chance.

* * *

The rest of the day is just a blur for Steve. His memory records it just the same as all his other missions. He takes in information on his surroundings, his enemies, his allies, the goal and how to achieve it. He has no memory of how he feels throughout the ordeal, but the reaction he has once he realizes he’s safe will be more than enough to haunt him.

Months later, when he has all the information he can see how all the signs pointed to this moment. But right now, he just tries to survive. There’s been an attack on Stark’s force field and a similar attack on the tower in New York City. A Wakandan force field can handle space weaponry beyond Earth capabilities, but a Stark prototype, not backed up by megatons of vibranium can not.

They had been in the cabin. It had been the afternoon. Natasha and Sam had herded the civilians to the basement where a bunker Stark had anxiously but thankfully installed, waited for them. In the panic she must not have known what to do. Or maybe Steve hadn’t let go of her hand. He’s not sure but she had ended up alongside him and Bucky outside. They had watched Stark’s forcefield break into hexagonal pieces in the sky.

Somehow they had gotten on a quinjet with Stark, now Iron Man, Clint, and Rhodey. The rest of the team, Steve had learned later either remained in the bunker until daybreak or had taken another jet to Avenger’s Tower for damage control. That’s where they were meant to head, but their attackers, still unknown to Steve, had changed course and aimed fire at their aircraft. They had been in the air for maybe fifteen minutes before it was hit.

Again, he doesn’t remember the specifics but he or Bucky must have helped her into a parachute because they had all made it to the ground. Tony had blasted the enemy aircraft, but there were well trained ground forces there to meet them. He had taken offense and sent Bucky away with defense. He vividly remembers repeating the coordinates to Bucky, coordinates Stark had shouted in his earpiece. He hopes he had said other things to Bucky, but if he did, he doesn’t remember.

Barton had teased him for bringing his shield and earpiece on a Thanksgiving vacation, but he surely hadn't been laughing in the forest. These days Steve rarely left home without one or the other. He would be lost without them.

The coordinates from Stark had led to, Steve later learned as he himself traveled to them, the famed homey cabin that had inspired Stark to buy a 15 million dollar property. A cozy cabin where he remained for the next 24 hours, most of which was spent in constant vigil, eyes on live footage of Stark’s security system. They had to make it; they had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also made Barton's kids younger (Age of Ultronish) simply because I wanted Morgan and them to have fun playing together.
> 
> P.S. thank you for all of your congratulations and kind words! It really means a lot to me :)


	9. I want to trust me the way that you trust me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The violence really picks up in this chapter. There is physical harm to characters in this chapter. There is a badly broken bone and your typical battlefield violence. I personally am grossed out at the thought of actually seeing these type of injuries, so I’ve tried to keep it really brief and as not gory as possible. There also is throwing up in this chapter, but it's not really descriptive. 
> 
> Hopefully it won’t keep you from reading, but if you really don’t want to hear about it I completely understand! To be entirely safe, this chapter and the next probably aren’t for you and I’ll give a little summary in the end notes if you just want to just read that. If you want the read the chapter and skip the “gore” just stop reading after the first break. It ends with "Before you know it you are in the sky, finally flying, just not in the way you had dreamt of earlier that morning.”

Thanksgiving was going to be unusual; you knew that going into the event, but if someone were to tell you how your day would end, you’d think they were insane.

Your day had started off well enough. Your family had been mildly annoyed that you weren’t attending Thanksgiving with them, but they knew you had a (singular) soulmate and so they understood. They didn’t realize how very little they understood, but you liked it that way. Explaining that your soulmates (plural) were war heroes from before your parents were born would be too much. Add in the fact that you are living in Avengers Tower and are invited to Thanksgiving by the Pepper Potts and it makes much more sense to keep your family out of the loop.

Your morning had been pretty normal all things considered. You had picked out your clothes the night before and so after snoozing your alarm a few times you had quickly gotten ready and headed up the stairs to Steve and Bucky. Your overnight bag had been sitting in their living room since the night before (let’s face it, you were excited), however, they had been less prepared. Bucky wanted to know your opinions between a few different shirts to wear and Steve was doing something with the potatoes.

After all of that was sorted you had taken the elevator to the roof for your first time. The view was thrilling, and you immediately wished you had some sort of suit or perhaps wings like Sam so that you too could fly off into the mid-morning sky. Sam, Bruce and Natasha had already been on the roof looking over the quinjet and chatting. A teenager and who you had assumed to be his mother were also present.

The young man had turned out to be Spider-Man and the woman his Aunt May. This teenager being the newsworthy Spider-Man should have shocked you more, but not much could shock you at this point in your life. Peter Parker and his aunt had carried the conversation while the group waited for the Bartons, a family of five you had also not yet met.

Then Peter had offered to take you on a tour of the laboratory he worked in as a Stark Industries intern and you would have gone anywhere with the kid to get away from the awkward conversation. Steve could not stop staring at you and Peter (who hadn’t stopped talking since his arrival), and Bucky had been worse, at times glaring at the boy. Maybe going off with Peter hadn’t been the best call, but he was incredibly friendly and charismatic, and you couldn’t take another comment on soulmates in the modern times.

The two of you had almost instantly bonded as Parker had joked about his own first encounter with the one and only Tony Stark. That bond was reinforced as Peter let you try out his webshooters (Steve wouldn’t let you throw his shield; Bucky’s guns you willingly stayed far away from) and you had oddly enough shared things with the kid that you hadn’t really even processed in your own mind until right then.

Bucky had arrived with news that the Bartons had arrived and so you three had joined the others for your first ride in a quinjet. The ride had been fun despite the odd look on Bucky’s face, but the excitement of the trip had been distracting enough. The children’s reactions to the quinjet were more than darling. Thankfully once you had landed in front of a building that no one in their right mind would call a cabin, Bucky had abandoned his staring in favor of sticking to you like glue.

It was a nice thing to have Bucky by your side all morning long, especially when you did meet Tony Stark. Bucky sent Steve off to fetch you a mimosa and bagel and you and Peter had chatted about puppies and the largest homes you had ever seen. After brunch and other introductions (unfortunately no Thor who was apparently always late) were complete you retired to one of the many living rooms to watch TV.

You had been looking forward to observing the Avengers and their interactions among one another, but it had been much more than one can process in a single afternoon. Things had moved fast. The children were adorable, but they constantly wanted more. They wanted up, they wanted down, they wanted chicken fingers, they wanted cheeseburgers. Despite their whines and complaints, they were wonderful. You had watched as Morgan squeal in joy as Tony tossed her in the air. You had stared as baby Nathaniel cried in everyone’s arms and then finally settled down for a nap once reunited with his mother.

There were so many people moving in and out, food and drinks constantly being handed out, and eventually you started to get overwhelmed. You had been about ready to ask Steve if you could maybe move your bags from the hallway and into your room for the night when the conversation had turned.

Stark had reappeared seemingly out of nowhere and was nearly vibrating with anxiety. His anxiety of course gave you anxiety and so you had hung onto his words as if your life depended on it. Steve had then been rattled as well and that just added to your already blooming stress. And then the stress had disappeared and been replaced with pure adrenaline.

A voice in the ceiling had calmly but loudly repeated that something scary was incoming, and everyone had seemed to know exactly what to do. The children stopped their messing around and had dashed to their mothers who along with Sam and Natasha rushed down the main set of stairs. Meanwhile, Steve had his shield in one hand and you in his other. He had grabbed your hand and squeezing too tightly to be comfortable in normal circumstances, he had led you outside with Bucky right behind.

After being half dragged across the lawn and into the quinjet, you weren’t sure what else to do. Steve had somehow changed into his uniform in half a second with Bucky doing the same. There had been lots of information being yelled. Clint providing updates on Wanda and Vision protecting the tower New York. Tony saying I love you’s to Pepper and Morgan all while adjusting twenty things at once. Rhodey passing all information via radio to Sam in the bunker below.

Steve had found his way to the copilot seat where Stark, still in Iron Man armor had apparently taken off without you even knowing you had left the ground. Clint who had transformed into Hawkeye, was searching alongside Bucky for something. Rhodey, who you had said all of three words to earlier was similarly gearing up. You just stood there not sure what the correct level of concern was for an event like this. Was this a normal Thanksgiving day for the Avengers? Should you be finding a place to hide? Should you be begging to go home right now? You’re not sure.

Before you can figure out what the right response to your situation is, Bucky and Clint find what they were looking for. Bucky returns to your side with a heap of clothes and immediately starts giving directions. You yank on a pair of weirdly stiff pants over your own clothes, feeling strangely numb. It’s as if you are outside of your own body watching this all happen.

The pants are too long but Bucky just kneels down to roll them up, fancy Velcro keeping them in place. He smiles up at you and for a second you wonder if this really is a dream and you’re going to wake up in your apartment in the tower and get up and get dressed for Thanksgiving. But no, you’re already dressed in your nicest jeans and a dark green sweater.

Apparently it’s not enough for Clint and Bucky who give you two more layers and a strange coat. You’re not sure what to ask, but Clint provides the answers anyway. “Nat’s things, she won’t mind. And now the shoes?”

Natasha Romanoff’s shoes don’t fit you, which is upsetting to Bucky, but Clint refuses to let this upset him. “Boots might be for fashion, but I think they’ll hold up just fine.” He smiles kindly at you and double knots your shoelace. Bucky’s rummaging through more gear as you wonder you how worried you should be about your footwear.

There’s no time to think about it though. “We’ve been spotted,” Stark shouts out. And a moment later, “incoming!” Or at least that’s what you assume Stark had said, it was kind of hard to hear over Steve barking orders.

“Sit the fuck down!” Steve bellows and Bucky acts on pure instinct, somehow grabbing you, sitting down, and buckling up with you on his lap. You both brace for impact that doesn’t come. Instead, the quinjet rotates and spins until you feel like you are going to be sick. Unfortunately the twisting doesn’t protect the aircraft for long. You feel rather than hear the quinjet being hit.

More orders are being shouted, but at this point you really do feel numb. Clint is trying to arm you with a gun, but your arms are like dead weights and you don’t want the weapon anyway. Bucky has decided to unstrap the both of you in favor of finding parachutes. You stand unsteadily in the quinjet until Steve nearly tackles you. It turns out that your air being knocked out of you is a much better fate than falling through the hole that is now in the belly of the jet.

The air is freezing cold and you immediately want more layers, but there’s no time. Steve holds tightly to you and straps you to Bucky and a parachute. Before you know it you are in the sky, finally flying, just not in the way you had dreamt of earlier that morning.

* * *

I love you. Stupidly those words are all you can think about despite being in the most danger you have ever been in in your entire life. Steve’s off the cuff words were certainly directed at Bucky, but he had looked at you too. His blue eyes had definitely met yours.

The air gets knocked out of you again as Bucky yanks you down to the snowy forest floor. He aims, fires, and you try to keep your eyes glued shut. Bucky doesn’t notice. He just keeps you behind him as he shoots until the coast is clear. You can’t see the quinjet anymore. You can’t see Steve. There’s no Rhodey or Iron Man in the sky, but there’s no bad guys either. Just you and Bucky alone in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Bucky finally lets you sit up and catch a breath. He takes off his gloves and tosses them to you. You immediately argue, “you need hands more than me!” It’s definitely true. You aren’t equipped to handle any of the weaponry Bucky appears to be able to pull out of nowhere.

“It’s fine,” Bucky says still looking through the sight on his rifle. “I’m used to it.” You reluctantly don the gloves which are too large, but very warm. Your frozen fingers are grateful. The wind is strong, and the snow still hasn’t stopped. You’re not sure how long you’ve been out here already but the sun is starting to set.

The blowing wind isn’t the only sound you hear. Sure enough Bucky pushes you back down flat on the ground and you squeeze your eyes shut. A vehicle is definitely approaching, and you have no idea what you could possibly do. You decide to wait for your death, but Bucky has other plans. He bends down and whispers in your ear, “I’ll be right back, don’t move,” and he’s gone in a flash.

A minute passes and you wonder if you’ve actually gone insane. You can’t hear anything except the wind and maybe tires on snow. Was Bucky ever really here? Are you hallucinating? How long does a person need to be in the cold for hypothermia to kick in? Does hypothermia cause hallucinations?

You don’t have to think about how well you can feel your toes for long. A shout is heard and you’re almost positive that Bucky does not sound like that. It only takes you thirty seconds to doubt everything you know about anything. Maybe that’s exactly what Bucky sounds like when he’s being murdered, you wouldn’t know. Again, you don’t have much time to dwell on those thoughts. Footsteps are approaching and your mind switches to blue eyes and three words that may or may not have been meant for you.

A hand finds your shoulder and you still refuse to open your eyes. If you’re gonna die you don’t want the face of your killer to be the last thing you see. The hand pats your shoulder and eventually pulls you up. It’s gentle but hasty. You carefully open your eyes and see Bucky, alive and well. You give him a massive hug and he responds by pulling you to the vehicle you had heard previously.

You try to ignore the bodies of the men lying outside of the vehicle, but the blood is so evident in the white snow you can’t help it. You throw up your bagel in the snow and Bucky helps you into the passenger seat. He’s gone for a while and when he returns you see that he’s collected two coats and another pair of gloves. He removes his own Winter Soldier coat and puts on both enemy coats. You can only hope that they are just as protective as you know his coat to be.

He hands you his own coat and starts hotwiring the car. It’s an all-terrain vehicle but it’s still struggling in the snowdrifts. He turns the heat up and you put his coat on over Natasha’s. You’re silent in the car, but it’s for the best. Nothing you can say right now would be right. Just thinking about what you’ve seen makes your stomach churn.

Bucky is the first to speak after what you assume to be an hour of driving. “So I’ve got the coordinates of the safe house, but there’s not enough gas to make it. We’ll need to walk part of it, but I’ve got this to help us.” He pulls out some kind of device from his pants pocket. It looks like an old fashioned phone. Presumably it is a GPS type device, but you’re not sure you can open your mouth without throwing up again, so you stay quiet.

You drive for another ten minutes and then stop. You, having assumed that the car is out of gas, open the passenger door. It’s a big mistake. It’s an honest mistake, but one you would regret for a long time. Perhaps Bucky is to blame though. After all, he only needed to explain his intentions and maybe the situation would have passed in its entirety.

Bucky had been noticing something odd about their drive for the last fifteen minutes. The car had been easier to steer and yet the snow and wind had not stopped their battling forces. Bucky had a hunch that they weren’t being followed, but that they were doing the following. If only he had told you this before stopping the vehicle in order to gain some distance and find a new path, maybe you would have gone undetected.

Instead, thanks to the door opening and the car beeping in response, you were met with forces other than the wind and snow. There was a car up ahead of them and they had quickly caught up to Bucky despite his best driving tricks. You had knelt down on the carpeted mat wet with snow and had apologized over and over again.

When you crawl back up to your seat you immediately throw up again, this time out the broken passenger seat window. Bucky’s leg is completely destroyed. Bloodied and bone sticking out you try not to look at the entire lower half of him. Or at any of the bodies outside of the vehicle for that matter.

He’s in clear pain but talking calmly. You can’t seem to listen to a word. He eventually has to reach across the gearshift and grab your head. Face to face you finally absorb his words. You exit the vehicle and help drag him to the passenger side. You then drive the vehicle, now with snow pouring in through Bucky’s window, towards hope. Less than five minutes later the tank runs dry and you roll to a stop.

There are tear tracks on Bucky’s face and his armrests are destroyed. You refuse to look at his leg, but instead stare at his face. “What do we do now?” You try to sound mature and calm, but you know that you’re running out of time and hope. The third stolen coat taped up to the broken window isn’t doing much to stop the cold or snow and you’re still miles away from where you should be.

“Shouldn’t have taken the roundabout way I guess,” Bucky remarks. He tries to smile at you, but it just makes you remember his pain. You grimace in response and stare firmly at his eyes. “Well I think it’s pretty clear you have no future in nursing, but I think you can also tell that I won’t be able to walk for a while.” You close your eyes tight and hope that you won’t start to cry.

“Look here,” his voice is trying its best to be soothing and so you force your eyes open again. “You’re gonna have to go by yourself. I’ve got super healing, but you’ll freeze before my leg is done fixing itself.” Tears start to fall at the thought of going out alone.

He squeezes your hand. “You can do this. I know you can. You’ll have this,” he says handing you the GPS device and showing you a few features to orient yourself. “And you’ll have this,” he tries handing you his pistol, but you won’t accept. “It’s just a point and shoot, you can do it.” You shake your head, and he relents.

“Go, go now. Steve’ll be there with the others. Give him that and they’ll come back for me. You’ll be fine. I know you can do this.” Bucky smiles at you and somehow you gather up the courage to leave. If Bucky thinks this is the best option, then you’re just going to have to pull it off. If Bucky believes that you can make it to Steve then you will. You have to.

* * *

You’ve got the GPS and the location memorized but all the same you feel beyond unprepared. The wind blowing all of the snow makes you feel as if your eyes are failing and your feet weigh a thousand pounds. You can’t see a foot in front of you, much less the ground.

You trip on something and fall hard. Fuck fuck fuck. Your eyes water as you try to stand. You can’t put any weight on your leg. You check the GPS device, the last thing that Bucky gave you along with his coat. What the hell have you done, leaving Bucky all alone with that leg. Your stomach lurches again at the thought of it.

Your eyes struggle to see the coordinates of your current location. According to the device you’re just over a mile away. Your fingers, numbing by the second, try to assess the damage done to your ankle. You can’t tell what’s wrong, but it hurts, and you need to get out of the cold fast. You’ll just have to crawl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary for those with very short term memory or those who skipped the chapter due to the gore. 
> 
> Basically reader retells her take on Thanksgiving day. She enjoyed meeting Peter; not so enthusiastic about Stark. Similar to Steve, she also had some thoughts about children. Then disaster strikes and she should’ve gone to the bunker but instead stuck with Steve who definitely was holding her hand (tightly). She and a few others get in the quinjet which isn’t airborne for long. She parachutes down and she and Bucky move far away from the fight after stealing a vehicle. Unfortunately it doesn’t last long and after some scary stuff, Bucky is left with a badly injured leg and they are very far away from the nearest safe house. Bucky can’t walk and it’s very cold so he sends her on her way wearing his coat and carrying a GPS device. She struggles to make her way and trips and hurts her own ankle. “You’ll just have to crawl.”


	10. But the picture that you paint of me looks better in your mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is more of a description of Bucky’s injuries, but it’s not overly detailed and pretty much the same as in the last chapter. However, if this is the type of thing to make you queasy just skip the normal font. In between the breaks in the italics Bucky has some flashbacks. Not medically/physically distressing, but perhaps emotionally distressing lol. After the second section of italics you should be good even though it's pretty much the end anyway.

Bucky stares out at the accumulating snow and looks at himself. Red blood oozing; blue bruises forming. At least the car somewhat blocked the freezing wind. All he could do was hope that she would make it through alright. She had proper shoes and his coat. She had refused to take the knife or gun, but he had faith she'd make it alright. He had to have faith.

His leg really wasn’t as bad as her reaction to it. Yes, it was bloody and yes the bone was visible outside of his skin, but he would survive. Already he could feel his body trying to heal himself. He knew he needed medical attention soon if he wanted his leg to grow back properly but for now, he’d have to deal with it himself.

Bucky places a leather glove he finds in the pocket of his stolen coat into his mouth and grits his teeth. With a solid jerk his leg is straightened out again. Once he sees that that’s been taken care of, he allows himself to pass out.

* * *

_“Come on, you’re not telling me you one hundred percent believe in this soulmate stuff.” She’s visibly upset; her body language screams fight. Bucky wants to choose flight._

_“Yes I do.” Steve towers over here, his body mirroring hers, and yet he still doesn’t have all the power in the room. “I one hundred percent believe that James Buchanan Barnes is my soulmate.” It’s the wrong thing to say and they all know it immediately. Steve goes from ten feet tall to three. He’s just as horrified as Bucky as how this is playing out. It’s not the first time it’s come up, but it’s the first time Steve said what’s been hiding in the back of all of their minds._

_“_ _And me?” Her voice is soft barely a whisper, but it cuts through Bucky’s heart and judging by the look on Steve’s face through his as well._

_Steve is at a loss for words and Bucky doesn’t know how to help him recover. He knows that Steve telling her he believes that she is his soulmate too would be a lie. Well maybe not completely a lie, but one hundred percent? He himself is only somewhere in the ninety percent range and since he is a little more trusting and less suspicious than Steve, he guesses that Steve can’t be higher than seventy percent sure._

_“That’s what I thought.” Her voice is a little louder but it’s still just as fragile sounding. She turns to leave and neither one of them stop her._

* * *

Fuck it’s cold. Bucky hopes that she’s arrived at the safe house by now. He hopes that help is on his way. He doubts he can freeze to death, he’s tried it before, but this can’t be good for him or his leg. The last thing he needs is a matching metal leg. What he needs is to stay alert.

Does he hear his name or is he dreaming? He listens carefully but only hears the wind. He has to stay alert. Maybe if he just focuses on something and stays awake he’ll be fine. His leg is already healing up thanks to his previous actions and maybe in an hour he himself will be able to trek over to the safe house. If only he doesn’t get lost in the blowing snow. He should probably stay put. Y/N was capable of finding her way; someone would be out looking for him soon.

Bucky thinks back on the earlier events of the day. Not the past few hours, those have been horrible, but to a different memory, painful in a different way.

* * *

_“But what the fuck can I do?” She’s in the lab with Peter, looking over what looks to be the kid’s web shooters. Bucky should cough. He should shout out to them. It’s time to go to the Thanksgiving brunch. They don’t know that he’s here, listening._

_She continues, sounding more and more frustrated. Something about her voice made her seem nearly as young as the teenager who she was confessing her thoughts to. “I’m not like you or the others. I don’t have superpowers. I don’t have anything. I’m just a human being. I don’t have much to offer a human let alone two superheroes.” Peter looks stressed and Bucky doesn’t blame him. He’s not sure what to say either._

_“Why am I even here? Because my coworker got sick and I had to fill in for him? Because I got sent as a replacement to a conference in Manhattan? Because God or whoever is in charge decided they wanted to fuck with me?” Her words are angry, but she just sounds sad._

_“This isn’t fair. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t even want this.” She gestures to their surroundings, but clearly means more than the lab, more than the tower, more than the city. She’s not angry, just dejected, and Bucky’s pretty sure that’s worse._

_“But now?” Peter asks gently after far too much time has passed. Bucky really needs to do something now. Before Steve or someone comes down to see what’s taking him so long. But he doesn’t. She doesn’t tell him these things, but does he have a right to know? Probably not, but he can’t help being desperate to learn more._

_“But now?” She asks Parker, giving him a kind but sarcastic smile. “Now I don’t know.” She pauses enough to sigh loudly and to put on the web shooter. “I want it. Of course I want it. I’d be stupid not to want it. They are sweet and funny and thoughtful and smart, and I’d be an idiot to not fall in love.”_

_“In love?” Parker’s asking all the right questions. Maybe Bucky should cut the kid some slack during their next training. Although, the kid would probably enjoy annoying Bucky more than being friends with him. Bucky can’t think about that now though, he needs to listen carefully now._

_“I don’t know.” Another sigh. “Is it even love? Even if it is love, is it even anything noteworthy? Don’t you have to fall in love with a soulmate? Isn’t that the whole point?” Bucky thinks that in itself is a good point. He watches as Y/N fires the web shooters at a whiteboard covered in what looks like chemical equations._

_“I don’t think the point of a soulmate is to fall in love. I mean I wouldn’t know. I’m just a kid. I’ve never had a soulmate. But I’ve seen other people in love without a soulmate and I think they managed to fall in love just fine. No soulmate needed. Just think of Mr. Stark and Miss Potts, or I mean, Mrs. Stark. They’re not soulmates, but I don’t think you could call it anything other than love.” He pauses, observing her face with great curiosity. Maybe this kid is as smart as Stark claims._

_“And so I think there’s probably a different point to having a soulmate.” Parker pulls up his sleeve up to his elbow to display another set of web shooters which his fires with much more accuracy and confidence. She takes the web shooter off her own wrist and sets it back down on the table._

_“And how do you suggest I figure out the point of a soulmate?” She’s smiling, so Bucky knows she’s just teasing the poor kid who doesn’t notice as he pulls his sleeves far over his hands to conceal the gadget. Peter shrugs. “Again, I don’t know. But I would dare to guess that talking to your soulmates about this is the right place to start.”_

* * *

“Barnes, Barnes,” Natasha is gently shaking him, her hands warm on his skin. Thank God. Y/N must have gotten back alright after all.

“Took you long enough,” Bucky says with a grin. His leg is killing him, but he can’t help himself.

Natasha ignores him and only speaks into her comms, “we’ve got him Cap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief summary of the normal text "gory parts":  
> Basically Bucky is in pain and hoping that reader is okay and help is on the way soon. He passes out which leads to the flashbacks. At the ends Natasha comes to his rescue.


	11. It only makes it worse to live without it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! Here's an unromantic chapter from yours truly <3

“Just relax Cap,” Natasha hums as she reorganizes Stark’s bookshelf. “We’ve just got to lay low for a bit. You know the drill.” Natasha had arrived at Tony’s in a two person airplane with Bruce and news of the others. News that Steve barely heard.

Something about New York and Wanda’s magic. Something about Thor being a no show. Clint and Rhodey had left soon after they arrived in means of transportation unknown to Steve. Whether Rhodey simply carried Clint through the air or they took rollerblades, Steve simply does not care right now.

“I know,” Steve responds gruffly, trying to ignore Natasha completely. She ignores him ignoring and continues talking. “Nat I fucking get it!” he finally breaks. “But my soulmates, as in plural, two soulmates, are out somewhere undeterminable when they should have checked in by now.” He sighs heavily and focuses back on the transmitter in his hands. He knows the transmitter works just as well whether he’s staring at it or not, but for now he watches it as if he can power it with his eyes.

“Look, Barnes is a big boy, and the girl, well I don’t really know her, but I’m sure Barnes can handle her on his own.”

Natasha’s comment has Steve fuming. “Don’t you dare insult my soulmates ever again. This is the last straw Romanoff. I am not playing any games.” Steve’s commanding tone doesn’t make Natasha even blink. But before she has time to retaliate, Stark steps in.

“Movement in the tree line. Get in position right now you children.” Stark himself has suited up again and is ready to fight. Steve hastily grabs his shield, half wondering if the last conversation he’ll ever have with one of his only friends from the 21st century will be a fight; the other half still consumed by Bucky and Y/N.

All eyes are on Stark’s 80 inch flat screen TV which is displaying a surprisingly (for Stark tech, anyway) grainy video of the aforementioned tree line. There definitely is something there. Something moving. It’s low to the ground but too large to be a fox, or even a dog. Too small to be a deer or bear, and yet what is it?

Before any of the others have figured it out, Steve is flying out of the front door, shield abandoned. He calls out her name as he runs through the thick snow, desperate to get to her. “Bucky?!?!” he calls out repeatedly, eyes scanning the swirls of white for another dark mass moving closer. He reaches her in seconds, and she’s covered in snow, shivering and crying.

“Bucky! Where’s Bucky?” he asks her desperately, cradling her head in his hands. She shakes her head no and cries some more. Steve doesn’t want to believe that answer, but he’s got to take her inside immediately. Another dash through the snow and wind and the Avengers are a mess of loud confusion.

She remains in Steve’s arms but now on the couch directly in front of the fire. Thankfully Natasha, despite her previous inclinations towards indifference, immediately starts checking her over with the help of Bruce. As she’s peeled out of her coat and shoes, Steve holds her close as they both cry. “Is he gone?” is all he can choke out into her wet tangled hair.

“No!” she shouts, looking surprised to have spoken so loudly. “He made me leave him,” she sobs. “He told me how to get here but he’s hurt.” She trembles in his arms and Steve forces himself to stop crying. Bucky needs help and his emotions can only get in the way now.

“Where is he? How was he hurt?” She answers through her tears and Steve gently sets her on the couch to stand up. “Tony, you and I will take the quinjet there now. Natasha you-”

Natasha interrupts him. “No, I’ll go with Tony. You need to stay here.” Steve wants to argue and to fight, but the tears are threatening to make a reappearance. “You have a soulmate right here who is very scared and needs you here, now.” She looks pointedly at said soulmate whose ankle is swollen like a balloon and who still hasn’t stopped crying. Natasha’s right, at least about the important stuff, as usual.

“I’ll stay,” Steve concedes, “but you two need to head out now and give me an update every five minutes.”

“Ten,” Natasha tells him. He’s ready to fight for seven, but she’s quicker. “Ten and an immediate update when we’ve got eyes on him, when we make contact, and when we’re on our way back. If the situation allows for it.” Steve lets that go and gestures her towards the jet where Stark is already ready to fly.

“Nat,” he calls out as she opens the door to go outside. She turns around impatient to hear his words. “If he’s,” Steve can’t say it, “if he’s.”

Thankfully she understands. “If he is, which I doubt, we’ll knock him out and bring him home all the same.” She leaves before he can even thank her.

Now that Bucky will be in safe hands soon, he can turn his attention back to his other soulmate. The tears have slowed, but she’s still shaking like a leaf and Steve has a feeling it’s not entirely due to the cold anymore. Bruce is trying to wrap up her ankle, but Steve disrupts him to bundle her up in his arms again. She curls into his chest and he just lets her breathe for a bit, only tensing up when Bruce pulls a little too tight on the wrap.

“I wish we could do an X-ray but I’m pretty sure it’s just a sprain anyway. She’ll need to stay off of it for a while and keep it elevated. Most sprains heal up on their own in a week or less but depending on how much she tried to walk on it before resorting to crawling, it could be more severe and take longer to heal.” She doesn’t confirm or offer up any explanation as to how long she crawled, so Bruce carries on. “I’m going to get some ice for the swelling. I was thinking I could also run you a bath?”

Steve, checking the transmitter for an update from Natasha, didn’t hear much of Bruce’s words, but she perks up at the sound of a bath. “A bath would be great. Thanks, Dr. Banner.” Her voice is so small again. Bruce smiles and returns after a bit with a bag of ice and to confirm that a bath was being started.

Steve takes the time to look her over properly. She looks exhausted in every possible way he knows, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Her palms are torn up. Her knees are bruised. Her ankle is swollen. Her clothes and face have blood on them. He had seen this on so many other faces and so many other bodies. He had seen it on his enemies, comrades, teammates, even in the mirror. But to see it on her was a whole new kind of pain.

She had crawled miles through snow to get to him. And that was after walking miles through snow. Which was after Bucky had been injured and forced her to abandon him. Which was after jumping out of a plane. A plane they had taken after they had been attacked. And on Thanksgiving. All in all, a crazy day for him let alone your average non-superpowered human who was still brand new to the superhero lifestyle.

She was always small in his arms, but like this she felt even smaller. How was he supposed to make life better for her if he did all of this to her instead? How could he possibly keep her and Bucky safe when his life made that impossible? What could he do to prevent this from ever happening again? He didn’t know the answer to any of those questions but thankfully he knew the answer to this one, as Bruce called out from upstairs.

“Bath’s full. Can you carry Y/N to the bathroom?”

* * *

After a bath for her and a shower for him they were both feeling a bit better as they settled back down on the couch. There was still an elephant in the room, or perhaps missing from the room in the shape of one Bucky Barnes, but other than near constant glances at the transmitter on the table, they didn’t mention Bucky or the rescue team at all.

Natasha had radioed over just as the bath was ready with the news that Bucky had been found and brought into the jet to head back. However, Stark being as paranoid as one can be after having their brand new vacation home destroyed, is taking an extensive roundabout way on their return trip. They both took the time to clean up and in just a few more minutes the trio will be reunited again.

“Hey,” her voice is a gentle whisper, unsure if Bruce is near enough to be disturbed. “Do you think Bruce could rewrap my ankle? I undid it for the bath, and I don’t think I did it right when I put it back on.”

Steve has to smile at that. Traumatized and injured and she was still worried about hurting someone else’s feelings. “I don’t think it’ll make him hulk out,” he answers with a soft grin.

She laughs at him and sticks out her tongue. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” He smiles back, managing to forget for a second that Bucky isn’t here with them, but injured and in pain. The transmitter sits quiet, no new dramatic updates of life ending blood loss on the ride back, so he reaches for her ankle to take a look. He’s as gentle as he can be, but she still winces as he moves her foot into his lap.

Sure enough her own job of rewrapping her ankle isn’t doing much help. “Bruce wouldn’t mind, but I think I can handle this one on my own.” She nods politely to give him the go ahead and he begins unwrapping the bandage. “How much pain are you in?” he asks her once the wrap is removed. “Can you move it at all?”

She flexes her foot and immediately groans. “Yeah that hurts. It’s not too bad though,” she says. “Worse than my wrist was three months ago, but not too bad. It’s not throbbing as much as before, and it doesn’t look as swollen. Still gross,” she teases lightly, “but not horrific.”

Steve smiles and starts to rewrap. He’s about to ask Bruce to bring over some more ice, but she keeps talking. “Bucky’s was horrific.” Steve’s hands freeze along with his ability to take in fresh oxygen. “His leg was a mess, Stevie,” her eyes are watering, and her hands are in fists pulled close to her chest. “He said he’d heal quick, but it looked really bad.”

Steve wants to say comforting words. He wants to tell her about the two times he himself has broken a leg horrifically, but the fear is starting to take over him. Bucky doesn’t heal as well as him. Yes, he’s still far, far beyond human healing, but what if her description is more than Bucky can handle?

She notices his reaction and reaches for Steve’s hands. “I threw up when I saw it, but he just laughed at me. Said I wasn’t gonna be a nurse anytime soon.” She’s trying to smile, but it looks more like a grimace. “He promised it’s been worse. Maybe he was lying to me, but I believed him. Otherwise,” she trails off, “I wouldn’t be here.”

Steve squeezes her hands twice and finishes up wrapping her ankle. “I’m just gonna go and find some ice for that, okay?” He needs air and a break and most of all Bucky. She and Bucky have always been closer than she and him. Bucky would know all the things to say to make her laugh and feel better about a horrific situation. Instead she’s left trying to make him feel better when he’s just been sitting in a millionaire’s cozy cabin for a few hours. But much more selfishly, Steve needs Bucky for himself.

He’s angry at Bucky for putting him in this situation at all. Forcing her to walk alone to the cabin was stupid and reckless. Sure, maybe he couldn’t walk but there had to have been another way. He would’ve found another way. They surely could have found some way to contact them. All the technology, all the superpowers, and Steve is still just a man wishing and hoping and praying that things out of his control will work out in his favor.

Thankfully one of his wishes is granted and the quinjet lands in the yard, Bucky limping alongside Iron Man. Steve immediately takes over and walks Bucky inside and over to the couch where their other soulmate anxiously sits. Before Steve can properly assess Bucky’s leg or even give him a proper hug, she spirals into panic.

“Bucky,” she sobs, both afraid to touch him and ready to attack him with a hug. Bucky responds by opening his arms and although he’s much filthier than she ever was and she recently bathed, she embraces him without a thought. Seeing the two of them together right in front of him is too much and soon Steve too is crying. The rest of the room clears out to regroup and Steve finds himself joining the hug.

“Bucky, I’m so so so sorry,” she whispers in between sniffles. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright doll,” Bucky says wiping away his tears and leaning back on the couch. “Leg’s already pretty much good to go. I’ll be back to 100 by morning.” Steve immediately wants to argue, but the words can’t escape his throat.

Instead he finds himself repeating her words over and over again. “I’m so sorry.” He shouldn’t have let them go off on their own. He should have prepared them for this. He should have thought ahead. He should have gone out searching for them. He could have done more. He is so so so sorry.

They apologize and cry until they’ve all run dry and then, after a long and exhausting Thanksgiving day they fall asleep.

* * *

Sleep doesn’t last too long. There’s not really room on the couch for the three of them and she and Bucky haven’t eaten since brunch. Steve’s not entirely sure if he’s eaten since then or not, but he can’t deny his stomach’s growling once he’s awake. Steve being the only one of the three with working legs goes to check out the kitchen.

Natasha’s in there with some kind of stew and no words. Her face says something, but Steve doesn’t have the energy to decipher it now. He’s sure it’ll come up in time. Steve brings the food back to his soulmates who eat ravenously. With full bellies they finally seem to recognize that Bucky is still disgusting, and so Steve goes to help Bucky into the bathroom while she finds blankets that aren’t quite as muddy.

When Steve and Bucky return, it’s nearly four in the morning and they are both in dire need of sleep. Y/N is fast asleep, curled up in a tiny ball on an armchair in front of the fire. It doesn’t look comfortable, but Steve’s not sure where else they can stay. He leaves Bucky to stretch out on the couch and looks for Natasha.

Natasha’s in what Steve assumes to be Tony’s office/workspace, a cozy room filled with books that Steve doubts Stark has actually read. “Hey, so are there any beds left? Buck needs to keep his leg straight and well she needs a bed too.” Natasha remains quiet but Steve’s not in the mood to play games. “Spit it out.”

“I know you're sick of hearing me talk, and you’re right, I don’t have much relationship experience,” Natasha says plainly. “However I think it’s pretty obvious that you have a lot to work on here. She’s still convinced that you love each other more than you love her. I’m not sure how to get her to figure out that’s not true but you need to get it done. She thinks that she’ll get blamed for everything that goes wrong and that itself is wrong.”

Steve’s brain won’t stop reminding him of all the times he’s fucked up. Not just the ones from the last 24 hours but also the past three months. In fact, the past 100 years really have been full of regrettable errors on his part. Natasha’s not done though.

“Maybe you don’t love her as much as you love Bucky now, but it could change. I don’t know. Maybe that’s normal and okay, but you do need to tell her that you love her. Or at least show her. Right now all she sees is you fighting for Bucky. Even when you fight with him it’s clear that it’s because you want what’s best for him. When have you fought for her?”

Steve’s been sighing a lot lately, but yet again it feels like the appropriate response. “Honestly, I never knew something could simultaneously be so easy and so difficult.” He wants to say more, to explain it all to Natasha who probably does deserve some more insight, but Bucky joins them in the office, hopping on one leg and leaning against the wall.

“She’s still asleep but she should have her foot elevated, not however it is right now.” Bucky’s got a point; once again Steve has forgotten all about her and her injuries and focused on himself and Bucky. Natasha explains the sleeping situation. Tony in his bedroom, Bruce in a guest room and she’s already claimed Morgan’s twin bed.

Steve helps Bucky back into the living room and then helps Natasha unfold the pull out couch. She bids them goodnight then heads upstairs. “She’s right you know,” Bucky tells Steve as he pats the space beside him. Steve joins him on the transformed couch and snuggles close. “We’ll need to have a proper talk in the morning.” Steve only nods before he falls fast asleep, still clinging to Bucky.

* * *

Morning comes quickly thanks to a brilliant sunrise reflecting over all of the snow. Steve is surprised to see Y/N not in the armchair but beside Bucky on the lumpy couch mattress. Steve only hopes that Bucky had thought to move her there after he had most likely fallen asleep. Once again, Steve’s fucked up. He gets up, closes the blinds and gets right back into bed, this time thinking about all the things he has to say.

After a few more hours of sleep the rest of the house wakes up and Tony says his goodbyes. He needs to join Morgan and Pepper who have been in another safe house. He kindly reminds them to not touch his whiskey but allows them to stay for as long as needed. Bruce leaves with him, pronouncing Bucky’s leg 90% healed up.

Bucky teases Y/N a bit at hearing this information. She had obviously expressed doubt towards Bucky’s healing ability and he wasn’t ready to let it go. “It wasn’t so bad,” Bucky says squeezing her tight, “just a bone poking out of skin, no big deal.” She looks ill just from hearing that and Bucky laughs brightly. Steve doesn’t miss the way her cheeks blush as she hides her face in Bucky’s chest either.

Dr. Banner thinks Bucky should give his leg another day or two, but Bucky shows them he can walk just fine by doing a dramatic strut around the living room, complete with some dramatic jogging in place. Y/N laughs but Bruce warns Bucky to take it slow for a while (he won’t) and for Y/N to continue to ice and stay off her ankle (she will, but only out of actual necessity).

Her ankle still looks bad, but Bruce is convinced it hasn’t gotten worse and isn’t broken. He still recommends an x-ray and claims zero medical responsibility, but Steve figures he knows that won’t be happening right now. The three of them are left with Natasha who has no comments as to why she isn’t checking in with the Barton’s or helping out Wanda and Vision in New York City.

They wave goodbye to the quinjet, have a quick breakfast, and fall back asleep this time with Y/N in the middle. They’re far too tired to think about the beds upstairs or to have a conversation that they probably should have had months ago. They’re so tired they miss FRIDAY’s alarm system.

Natasha is the one who wakes them, armed and ready to go. She throws a duffle bag at Bucky and the shield at Steve. A ring of keys are thrown at Y/N and Natasha is out the door and into an armored car. Steve doesn't know where she's headed, but Natasha is certaianly capable of watching her own six. 

FRIDAY’s systems warn of possible threats to the protective barrier around them. The very barrier that had failed to protect the previous cabin from the previous attack. Steve's trust in it doing its job is minimal to say the least. 

Thankfully Y/N’s injury doesn’t prevent her from getting a piggyback ride from Bucky. She climbs up, only one boot on thanks to her other wrapped ankle, and they head outside. She clicks the key fob and something unseen beeps in response. They approach until Steve literally runs into it. She hits more buttons and a small two person plane pops into view.

There’s no time to curse Natasha for not bringing a larger vehicle to the cabin with Bruce after the first attack, and so they clamber inside. There’s no hexagonal patterns in the sky showing that the barrier is failing, but Steve’s not taking the risk. All buckled in with Y/N on Bucky’s lap in the copilot seat, he flies them far away.

Twenty minutes later and FRIDAY tells them that there still has been no damage to the barrier. It appears to have been a false positive. Natasha has returned to the cabin, but Steve has already charted a path. This time to a destination he knows is not affiliated with Stark, the soulmate registry, or even his real name. He knows he can trust Natasha, but the rest he's not so sure of. They might be in a big mess, but at least this time they’re together. Steve is determined to not fuck this up more.


	12. No compromise and no second best

“I think we’ve lost them,” Steve mutters, still staring intensely at the dashboard filled with buttons and screens you dare not touch.  
“Which is exactly what they say in the action movie before they get bombed,” Bucky mutters under his breath. Unfortunately, you’re stuck on Bucky’s lap which has apparently become a recurrent situation and so you can hear all his mutterings.

“Not exactly what I want to be hearing now,” you say back softly, knowing that Steve’s super powered ears will still pick it up. You lean over to look out the back window of the small two person plane. It’s so dark you can barely tell what you’re looking at, and therefore doesn’t comfort you at all.

“It’ll be alright,” Bucky tries again in a not unsoothing voice but not a very confident one either. His arms wrap comfortably around your waist and you let out a sigh. Just when you thought things had settled down at Stark’s cabin you were getting whisked away to a new location. Another recent trend in your life, one less comfortable though.

You had fled the small cabin thanks to a robot’s false reports, and it had led to this. This being, stuck in a small plane for hours. The worse part was knowing that Natasha was probably enjoying herself in Stark’s cabin, drinking the fancy hot chocolate, and not being bombed at. The last one being the most important of course. Why Steve decided to not head back to a cozy cabin with a high tech security system in order to head to who knows where surpasses your understanding.

And in another snowstorm, nonetheless. With the blinding snow and wind and the fact that you were in an invisible to the outside, the plane should have been enough to keep you hidden, but apparently not. Steve had stressfully evaded two different planes and their various weaponry. It had been a terrifying affair; you had apparently squeezed Bucky’s arm so tightly at the first plane he had offered his metal arm during the second in order to prevent penetration from your fingernails.

Now that Steve claims to be in the clear you hope that you can finally relax. A few minutes later and you can’t keep a yawn in, Steve actually turning his head away from the dashboard to look at the two of you. “You should both try to get some rest. We’ve still got a long way to go and it’s late.” It had been late afternoon when Natasha had woken you, and despite sleeping away half the day, it hadn’t been enough. You are all still emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.

“Some talk, Rogers,” Bucky quips back. “Just put the plane in autopilot already and get some rest yourself.” Steve twitches in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable for him. You try to hide your yawn behind your hands and fail miserably. Two trained super soldiers cannot be fooled, especially when you were crammed into such a small space. Bucky’s yawn follows yours.

“Where are we even going?” You ask, eyes still searching the dark night sky for a familiar landmark. There’s nothing, just darkness. Bucky leans forward to see the dashboard, apparently he doesn’t know where you were going either. His body language completely changes as his eyes understand something out of the numbers that you don’t recognize.

Steve takes his eyes off the controls to look at the two of you. He and Bucky have a wordless conversation, both appearing to get more and more uncomfortable as the seconds move by. “A safehouse,” is all Steve says in response to your question and while it doesn’t seem to sedate Bucky, he seems to accept it.

“Get some sleep, Buck,” Steve says in a soft voice, very different from how he’s sounded the last few hours or so. “Might need you to take over later.” You try to settle more comfortably into Bucky’s body, hoping that that would be enough to convince him to rest as well.

“Nah, these seats don’t recline.” Bucky quips playfully, more for your ears than Steve’s. “Stark goes on and on about his tech and his style and yet he hasn’t managed what commercial airlines managed twenty years ago.” This causes you to laugh, although it might be more from exhaustion or stress than humor. Either way the boys are both chuckling soon after.

Once the laughs die down and the plane is still flying steady with no apparent threats, Bucky sighs and wiggles a bit in his seat, trying to settle into a comfortable position. “Oh, sorry,” you say while immediately loosening the seat belt wrapped around the both of you in order to stand up to give Bucky a moment to find the optimal position for sleeping in a cockpit.

“Sit down!” Steve barks and this time you can hear the fear in his voice. Bucky’s arms quickly wrap around you once more as you both try to find a good position to sleep in your shared seat. “I’m sorry,” Steve’s apology is quiet, and he refuses to make eye contact, too focused on the fog and swirls of snow ahead. You don’t have time to overthink it; another yawn and you’re asleep.

* * *

You wake to bad news. There’s no enemies around you but not much else either. You are truly in the middle of nowhere and the snow is even worse here. The gas light is on and flashing and Steve is either ready to land the plane or have the worst break down of his life. And you can only assume from what you’ve read about the guy and seen these past three months, that would require a pretty big breakdown.

Thankfully Steve chooses to land the plane and so after a scary descent into darkness, you had landed in a forest. You manage to unbuckle your seatbelt and now that you are alone and on the ground, Steve doesn’t yell. You attempt to stand in the small space between Bucky’s knees and the dashboard, but you don’t last long, finding your spot back on Bucky’s lap. Good thing he doesn’t seem to mind as his hands find their place back around your waist.

“So,” Bucky says casually, and you try to turn around to see his face. You’re not sure if this is a genuinely casual ‘so’ that will get Steve talking or if this is a melodramatic ‘so’ that will lead to a nonverbal argument between your soulmates about something you don’t understand. You can’t see Bucky’s face from your spot, so you focus on Steve’s. He’s not looking at you or Bucky but out at the land around you. You glance out the windows, but honestly it’s scary.

A dark creepy forest in the middle of nowhere. You’re pretty sure you’re not in the United States anymore, unless Steve decided to loop around for the sights, but you’re also not sure where else you could possibly be. You stop checking the outside for movement like Steve most likely is doing and try to think of something intelligent to say or ask.

“So, um, what’s the plan?” Is all you come up with. Steve stops staring out at nothing and jumps into action, describing what you’re about to do. You can see his mind running a hundred miles an hour as he schemes, and you get more and more nervous.

“We can’t do that,” Bucky finally interrupts Steve after a few minutes. “It’s below zero out there and she can’t walk.” Steve only talks more about how they can’t stay and how he has a safe house for them to stay. You don’t hear much of it because you’re too distracted by the thought of wandering alone outside again. Your heart rate picks up and Bucky is the first to notice.

“Woah, hey it’s gonna be alright okay,” Bucky soothes while he makes dramatic eye contact with Steve. You try to calm yourself down while Steve rethinks his strategy while rummaging for something behind your seat. You close your eyes, but all you can picture is swirling snow. Thankfully Bucky’s face is there for you when you reopen your eyes. “I promise I won’t leave you,” he tells you and just as he had told you that you’d be okay out on your own, you believed him.

“Okay, I’ve got it,” Steve announces once you’ve had time to regroup. “We have to leave. There’s really no choice. This thing’ll go into shut down soon and then we’ll really be in trouble.” Steve continues rummaging through the small space behind their seats. You didn’t see much other than the black duffle bag from Natasha, but Steve finds more.

He pulls out towels, another duffle bag, and the world’s oldest ski boots. “We can make this work,” Steve says and then they get to work. In less than five minutes you are as ready to go as you’ll ever be. Wearing all of the clothes packed in the duffle bag, which includes a pair of Steve’s jeans and a plain black ‘this is a disguise’ baseball cap, you feel like an overstuffed marshmallow. Even your feet are carefully smushed inside the massive boots with ripped up towels as filler.

You are about ready to melt from being crouched down in the small space with the boys, but you know the second you leave, it will be astonishingly cold. The dashboard displays a temperature of -24 degrees Fahrenheit and you know that doesn’t account for the wind. You are dreading the outdoors and judging the expressions on Bucky’s and Steve’s faces, they feel the same way. And so with you on Bucky’s back and Steve loaded up with his shield and both duffle bags, you all head out into the cold.

Where exactly you are going you aren’t too sure, but Steve does and so he leads the way, moving quick but steady through the snow. The air is just as cold as the snow which at some points reaches up to their waists. They soldier on and after what feels both like minutes and days, you arrive.

Where exactly you have arrived appears to possibly be a haunted house or maybe a sinister murder barn. Despite it looking slightly warmer than the outdoors, you immediately want to stay far away. Steve is either not a mind reader or has a better understanding of the situation, and so he marches them past the door and straight inside. The fact that this structure isn’t locked only adds more uncertainty to the situation. Do you really want to set up shelter here? Maybe there is a blizzard outside, but this place has asbestos guaranteed.

Steve, not displaying any wariness to the dark and frightening, drops the duffle bags unceremoniously and starts a fire surprisingly quickly in the large fireplace. Bucky goes to set you down on the dusty couch, but you refuse to let go, so instead he just stands there in the middle of the room looking around. “Relax, we’re fine,” Steve tells you once the fire is blazing. Bucky automatically moves closer to the heat and an armchair, but you are more than reluctant.

This place is starting to really freak you out, and the light from the flames isn’t helping. The more you can see of this place, the more it looks like it hasn’t been touched by living hands in a decade or two. Dust covers every surface and those are definitely animal droppings in the corner over there. You can already feel all the creepy crawlies on your skin.

Bucky, sensing your anxiety, somehow swings you around to his front, where you cling like a koala. He sits down on the world’s ugliest armchair and you both give Steve your best stare (or glare). “So, yeah, um this is home I guess?” Steve’s voice is steady but unsure. He refuses to look at either of you for more than a second and instead starts opening drawers, moving farther and farther away from you.

“Yeah, no,” Bucky says. “We’re gonna need more than that pal.” Home? This could not be home. This is not right. Is this even Steve? Who is this person and why do they want to live in a murder hotel? Thinking back on it, you’d prefer the tiny plane over this. Maybe there was no bathroom and no room to stand, but at least it wasn’t creepy and cobwebby. You want to go back to the plane, and you want it right now.

Steve and Bucky are busy with a side conversation, possibly about the fact that the paint is literally peeling off the walls and there is a significant draft from one of the windows, but you ignore it in order to interrupt. “Let’s go back!” You announce, sounding much more hysterical than you mean to. “I want to go back. Let’s just go back now okay? I want to go home.”

Steve is the one to stop your panic from expanding. He kneels down at your feet and holds your hands. “I’m sorry. This isn’t exactly what I expected” he admits, “but we’ve got to stay. We’re safe here. I promise.” You’re not used to getting this much attention from Steve, but it sure is nice albeit a bit unusual.

Steve seems to be a little bit uncomfortable from his small speech and so he busies himself with wiping the dust off the couch. He fetches blankets that are a bit musty from a closet and helps you over to the couch to sit. You slowly undress yourself from your various bizarre layers of clothing while Bucky and Steve busy themselves with other work.

The sink only drips, but hey there’s plenty of snow outside. The gas stove works, but the electricity is a no. Steve lights a few candles and Bucky settles on the couch next to you. “So, when were you planning to admit that you followed in Stark’s footsteps after all?” Bucky sounds friendly but even you can detect the bitterness underneath.

“I didn’t follow in Stark’s footsteps. Or anyone’s for that matter.” Steve changes from patient to pissed. Whether it’s at Bucky for being annoying or at his cabin for being a piece of crap, you’re not sure. “I bought this back in 2012, right after I woke up.” This is the first time you’ve heard Steve so much as reference what happened to him in the time between WWII and rediscovering Bucky.

“So you had a thing for cabin life after all?” Bucky sounds confused but possibly not about Steve’s desire to live in the country. Something is off about his language and sure enough the two of them exchange looks that say more than you can understand. Probably a continuation of their wordless conversation when Bucky had seen the coordinates to this dump.

“No,” Steve says clearly annoyed. “After I had my breakdown, after the whole Loki mess, I needed a break. And so I took one, okay?” His tone makes it obvious that he’s not looking for any more questions, but Bucky doesn’t seem to care. Bucky pushes forward.

“And why here?” You’re not sure why the location is as important as the interior and exterior, but clearly you’re missing some information here. A lot of information, really. You’re here in a cabin that Steve had bought before he even knew Bucky was alive. Whether he wants to admit it or not, Steve had clearly thought about cabin life.

Steve ignores Bucky’s question and the fact that he wants to talk more about the new buzzword ‘cabin life’ speaks volumes. “Okay, maybe Clint had been first to live in the country, but I didn’t even know about it at that point.” Bucky doesn’t look pleased at this answer and it’s clearly not about Clint. You might not have known Bucky as long as Steve, but you know that he doesn’t like being left in the dark. Steve not mentioning this part of his life before now is definitely upsetting for Bucky to hear.

“Well I never thought we’d be needing it!” That much is clear as they take a look around. The furniture needs a deep cleaning or possibly just a burning. They had messed with the light switches but to no avail, and no one is sure if it’s because of the lightbulbs or the electricity itself. Maybe the lights have never worked. Has Steve ever even been here before?

Steve seems to sense that question as he goes further into defense mode. “This is only the third time I’ve been here. I bought it to be close to uh, and it fit all the criteria.” There’s the location aspect again. Too bad there’s even bigger issues with Steve’s statement.

“Criteria?” Bucky says speaking your mind. “What was the criteria? Old fashioned murder cabin that manages to stay stupid cold even with a fire going?” Steve can’t deny that Bucky’s words are truth. Even if Steve had bought this in 2012, it hasn’t been redecorated since the 70s at least. As for the heat, they’ve literally moved the coffee table aside in order to scoot the couch as close as possible to the fire.

Steve reaches down to toss another log on the fire and puts his face in his hands. “I don’t know. I just wanted to get away okay.” He clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, and you don’t want to make him.

“So, uh the two other times you’ve been here. Any chance you stocked the pantry?” None of you have eaten since dinner at Stark’s, and it’s probably been about 24 hours by now. Actually, maybe not. You’re not too sure where you are and so with a possible time difference, it might only be a couple hours since you woke up to Natasha shaking you.

Either way you are hungry, and you are sure that they are too. Neither of them had eaten as much as they normally did at home since before Thanksgiving which now felt like months ago. Was it really only a few days ago that Pepper Potts had complimented your sweater? The very sweater you were still wearing. You look down and know for a fact that no one in their right mind could think of a nice thing to say about your poor sweater now. It was disgusting at best.

Steve stalks off possibly to locate the kitchen or to just get some space. You’ll probably get a proper tour of the place later. An unnecessary tour. Steve has already informed you of the single bedroom, single bathroom, room you are currently in, and the kitchen. That’s it.

Bucky plops down beside you on the couch. “Ankle okay?” You nod and look down at your foot still in the too large boot. “Can I check it?” Bucky asks and you nod again. He gently takes off the triple knotted boot which your frozen fingers couldn’t handle. Off comes the towel scraps and the two layers of sock. Your foot is freezing cold and now that the outward pressure is gone, your ankle really does ache.

Bucky rewraps your ankle quickly and replaces both layers of sock. He then unties your other boot (this one actually being yours) and takes both of your legs into your lap. “Warm enough?” You try to answer but a yawn stops you. He places his own coat on top of you as a blanket and before you know it you're asleep again.

* * *

You wake to a whispered argument. “She needs to eat, Buck.” Steve’s whispers make him sound exhausted. You open an eye to take a peek. Neither appear to be near the fire or you for that matter. You stretch and sit up in time for Bucky’s response.

“She’s had a long day and she’s tired. She’ll wake once she’s hungry.” Bucky sees you sitting up and smiles. “See, problem solved.” Steve offers a smile and joins you on the couch with a bowl in hand.

“Not much, but we found some cans that the rats hadn’t gotten into.” At the sound of rats you immediately pull your feet back up and curl into a ball. Steve smiles weakly and pats your knee. “It’s alright, here have some soup.” You take the bowl and don’t realize how hungry you really are until the bowl is empty.

“Still hungry?” Bucky asks taking a seat on the other side of you. He puts an arm around your shoulder, and you lean into the warmth. You shake your head and set the bowl down on the coffee table which has at least an inch of dust. You sneeze two times which only causes Steve to throw a pile of blankets on you. Unfortunately the blankets are just as dusty and so you sneeze again.

“So, um how are the supplies looking?” You have a hundred questions for them, but you’re still not sure what time it is or if they’ve gotten any sleep. However, you do need at least some questions answered, like are you going to starve soon?

“We’ve got enough for a while,” Steve says and shows you a list of all your supplies, written neatly in pen. You look it over, unsure of what information you should be paying attention to. How important is the knowledge that you have twice as many cans of tomato soup as you do fruit cocktail. Or maybe the fact that nearly all of the food items are canned products should be a bigger concern.

“This isn’t gonna be a problem right?” You ask, finger tapping on four cans of canned corn. “We’re not gonna be here long, right?” The longer the pause is, the worse you feel for asking it. Clearly no one really knows the answer at this point and now you’re just bringing morale down. There’s got to be something you bring to this group, and sure isn’t super strength. You’re just not sure what it is yet.

“We don’t know.” Bucky answers shortly. “We don’t have transportation and Steve’s not sure about communication either.” Steve offers no additional input. “In the morning he’ll need to see if his security system is still up.” You’ve heard a bit about the security systems Stark had designed for them. There’s CASSIE (Cap and Sarge’s Security Intelligence Equipment) and there’s SABRINA (Steve and Bucky’s Real Intelligence Network Assistant). You’re really not sure about the difference or if there even is one, but you figure security will be more than handled without your help.

“In the meantime we’ll need to sleep in shifts. Me and you,” Steve says pointing to Bucky. “Not you,” he says pointing to you. You’re ready to argue on the basis of unfairness and possibly sexism but he probably has a point. Every creak in this house is making you jump anyway. All you’d end up doing is alerting them to unthreatening noises.

Thinking about staying here for an undeterminable amount of time puts you on edge. Maybe it will be better in the morning like Steve claims, but you can’t imagine it getting much better. You plan to stay as close to this fire for as long as possible.

Bucky and Steve have changed topic entirely, now arguing about what they should do first and who should sleep first. You would vote for Steve sleeping first, he’s practically asleep now, but something tells you this will not be a democratic affair. Thankfully Steve does give in and sits back down on the couch. You’re not sure if you should move so he can lay down properly or if he’s planning to sleep in the bedroom, but before you can ask him, a new sound starts up.

Bucky is suddenly grabbing his coat off of you and searching pockets frantically. He’s got some kind of old fashioned device in his hand and he’s listening carefully. Steve jumps back up once he sees it and returns with paper and a pencil. They immediately start writing and remain in complete silence until the clicking stops.

“Morse code?” You ask, unsure of what is going on.

“Close,” Bucky says, now frantically clicking the device in what you assume to be a response. “It’s an old communication language taught to me and Black Widow in the, you know. I’m a bit rusty but I taught some of the basics to Steve too.”

“So is it Natasha?” You ask, trying to read the paper filled with scribbles. Bucky has stopped clicking and is now waiting for another response. Steve tears the top page off of the notepad and hands it to you to read.

“BNS. CAP. SAF. TWR. STY. HDN. LCN.” You stare at the three letter phrases until they start to make sense. Barnes. Captain. Safe. Tower. Stay Hidden. “Lacken?” You whisper to Steve who is busy watching Bucky write down a variety of dots and dashes that Steve can apparently decipher.

“Location,” Steve tells her. Finally the clicking stops and Bucky sighs as Steve continues deciphering. Bucky gently stops Steve.

“No need, I’ve got that one memorized.” Steve looks just as confused as you feel. “Lay low, she’ll be here when she can, whenever that is.” Steve frowns and continues translating the markings as if that will prove Bucky wrong. Judging by the way Steve slams the pencil back down on the coffee table, they don’t prove Bucky wrong.

“So, um what does that mean?” You have three hundred questions and neither of the men in the room are in the mood for answers. The silence is deafening and so you fill it with more and more questions, your mind exploding with wanting to understand something, anything at all.

“Why three letters? Is it like soulmate initials? When did you learn it? What old language is it? Who else knows it? What is that thing? Where is Natasha? In the tower now or still in the cabin? Why did she leave? Is she safe or was that a question like location? How do you know if it’s a question or an answer? How do you know it was Natasha?”

You take a look at the second paper with Natasha’s second message and only make out one three letter phrase. DED. “Dead!?!” you screech. “Dead? What the hell! Who is dead?!?” You can feel yourself freaking out, but for an undeniably legitimate reason this time around. Everything seems to be elevating you to a new level of panic, but you really can’t help it.

Bucky grabs your hands and squeezes them. “Breathe, in and out, yep, nice and slow.” He waits until you’ve calmed back down and then he and Steve start to answer your questions. Thanks to their superb memory you know that they only skip questions they don’t want to answer not because they’ve forgotten them.

“No one is dead.” Bucky explains quickly. “Nat said that the world thinks we are dead. It happens nearly after ever battle if we don’t show up in the press immediately. Pretty damn annoying if you ask me, but-”

Steve cuts him off. “All it means is that she wants us to stay here for a while. It can be a good thing to be dead, at least for a while.” Bucky doesn’t like how morbid Steve is getting so he moves onto the other questions.

“As for what it all means is that we’re stuck here. The small cabin is still standing, but whoever attacked the tower, and the mansion cabin thinks they did destroy it. Whoever’s cabin they did demolish, sucks for them. Meanwhile we’re gonna be stuck here while they sort it all out.” Similarly, Steve apparently doesn’t like Bucky’s take on the situation and so he interrupts and explains it in his own words.

“We’re not stuck here. It just means that it’s not safe for her to come here yet and take us back.” Take us back? You’re not sure if you like how that was phrased, but Steve carries on. “It’ll all work out; it always does. I’m not sure if they can’t come here due to a lack of resources or if she doesn’t think it’s safe to come back yet.” Steve’s voice is calm, but tired.

“Or,” Bucky offers, trying to lighten the mood, “she just can’t be bothered.” You all know that it’s not true in the slightest and so Bucky’s comment does the opposite of what he had intended. Bucky tells you more about the device itself and the language while Steve struggles to stay awake.

“It’s an old Russian dialect used in World War I that Natasha learned in her training. I most have learned it as well, but I didn’t remember until Natasha showed me some of her old spy stuff.” Bucky sighs at the memories coming back, but he presses on. “It’s a tricky thing to learn because it is based in Russian, but we came up with a way that translates back into English. Our version of it is really just a Natasha and me thing. Steve knows some, but only once I take the Russian out,” he gestures to the markings on the paper as if that makes any sense at all.

“Words in three letters is something we came up with. And yes, it actually was in response to soulmate markings. Three letters can tell you so much and so instead of full words we shortened it. It adds another element to the confusion and it just makes communicating faster. Typically one communicating with one of these would use abbreviations whenever possible but would spell full words when necessary. If any of those had been complete words, or really anything not in threes, it wouldn’t be her.”

You feel doubtful about everything but that last bit seals the deal. “So because all of those were sent in three letter abbreviations we have to stay put? This is bull shit!” You don’t say the last part, but you’re pretty sure Bucky gets the idea. “And is Natasha safe or is she asking if we’re safe? Is it a question or an answer?”

Bucky sighs, suddenly looking just as tired as Steve despite sleeping on their flight over. “It always ends in a question. I’m not sure if tower means she’s in the tower or what, but I do know that she can’t talk now.” He puts the strange device on the mantle about the fireplace and his coat back over your lap. He’s ready to let it go and you are not. You want Steve to be able to sleep, but more than that you want clarity.

“This is insane!” You start, “I need proof. Like real proof, not just random lines on drawing paper.” Bucky remains in the armchair by your side and offers no additional proof. “What if this is this just some sort of prank show and a camera crew’s gonna jump out and say haha we’ve been filming you for three months now. You really thought you were going to live out in a cabin in the woods with national heroes? Wrong! It’s two complete strangers!”

Steve wakes up at the sound of that, although you think he probably wasn’t entirely asleep to start with. “Strangers? Honey, even if we weren’t who we said we were, I mean you said it yourself, it’s been three months!” Steve’s turning a bit hysterical with this realization. “I don’t think we’re considered strangers anymore by any definition.”

Bucky joins in on the enthusiasm, both of them coming alive at the idea of this elaborate prank. “And also how could he not be Captain America? You’ve seen him shirtless and lift a car! Stevie flex for her right now! See look at that muscle! You can't fake that!” Bucky prods at Steve’s stomach and arms as Steve uncomfortably refuses to make eye contact.

“I don’t know,” you groan miserably, “steroids, maybe?”

Steve smirks at that, shaking his head and suddenly flexing whether subconsciously or not. “Um, you do know the story of how Captain America came to be, right? Cause yeah, there were a lot of steroids involved.”

You bury your head in your arms and collapse dramatically down into the couch. “Okay fine. I concede. But you get my point.”

“Yeah,” Bucky says crashing down next to you, in a space much too small for him, throwing a heavy arm across your shoulder and burying his head into your neck. You’re not entirely sure how he can breathe considering all of your hair, but judging by his dramatic sighs, he’s doing just fine. Steve scoots closer to your other side, albeit a little more gently.

“It is crazy to ask you, but you heard, or um read what Natasha said. People think we’re dead and that’s a good thing for our enemies to hear. They can’t be hunting us down if they think we’re out of the picture. It’ll give us a little more time to figure things out anyway. Whether they actually believe it or not is another issues but taking a step back will hopefully leave them at least somewhat confused on what to do next.”

“It’s just a lot you guys,” you admit; pulling yourself away from the touch hungry Bucky and the puppy dog eyes of Steve. You balance on your good foot as you lean against the back of the couch.

“It’s really small here. Way smaller than the place at Stark’s or even from what I’ve heard, your place in Brooklyn. And there’s nowhere else to go. It’s freezing outside and I still don’t even have proper shoes. I think I might go insane. Add in the fact that we don’t have any real means of communicating with the outside world and that I’m already overwhelmed as is. I just don’t see how this will work out. And for how long?”

Ready to ramble on forever about your doubts you continue your hopping retreat into the bedroom. The one, singular bedroom. “I need some time to think without you guys guilt tripping me.” Without waiting for a response you close the door and sink into the bed.

It is a large bed, comfy too. Big enough for the three of you all together probably. And the views from the windows are stunning to say the least. But it’s also freezing cold with no blazing fire and no soulmates. Is this what’s best for you? For your relationship? Or are you just setting yourself up for failure?

“How long do you think she’s gonna be in there?” Bucky whines after ten minutes of you leaving. Steve has stretched out on the couch with his head in Bucky’s lap.

“I don’t know pal,” Steve reaches up to attempt to cuff him gently on the head. He misses and lazily rubs Bucky’s shoulder instead. “But she’s right. She needs space to make a decision. One without our influence.”

Bucky groans and fluffs the blanket until Steve is properly covered. “I’ll take the first watch,” Bucky says replacing his lap with a slightly moth eaten pillow. Steve nods in response and closes his eyes, either ready to doze off or to get lost in thought about what Y/N’s decision could mean.

It was hard to tell with Steve sometimes. He’d switch between calculating and logic to emotions and touch without warning. Bucky wished he had a better understanding of Steve’s mind, but he also figured Steve had the same thoughts about him, and he did not want Steve to read his mind. Perhaps it was all for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was stupid long. I got carried away writing the secret code portion lol but I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you again for reading and commenting! It’s hard for me to comprehend that real people are reading this, but seeing your comments certainly makes me feel better! <3


	13. This love left a permanent mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another ridiculously long chapter, but I just couldn't bear to cut anything out. Please enjoy!

Bucky hates to admit it but the longer he spends here, the more charming he finds the place. Each morning when he wakes and looks out onto the wintry scene, he can understand why Steve would want to make this place a home. Home it is not, but they’re trying.

They’ve been cleaning nearly nonstop in the two days they’ve spent in the small cabin. Steve’s got the water working and the although the electricity is iffy, the gas stove has been enough to heat up their meals. Meals that Bucky is sick and tired of. It’s all canned foods, canned foods that are a few years expired, but does canned food really go bad? According to Steve, they don’t and so they’ve been living off of green beans (yuck) and spam (more yuck).

Y/N gets a combination of canned food and the MREs that were in the duffle Natasha had given to him as they left. Bucky can’t complain though. She needs real food with vitamins and nutrition in order to stay healthy. The food they give her barely qualifies as nutritious. Meanwhile he and Steve just need the calories in order to function. Bucky can live off of dog food, but thankfully their variety of canned foods is a much tastier alternative. Bucky has much to be grateful for, and so he tries to focus on that.

After all, they are all together and becoming closer than ever before. The physical closeness has been beneficial, but there’s more to it than space. Sure, Y/N doesn’t have to go to work, Bucky doesn’t have to head to training, and Steve can’t escape to do “paperwork” (typically in the form of a punching bag), but there’s something more. Some kind of feeling in the air that this is their time. There’s really not much to do anyways and so there’s been a lot of talking.

They’ve been having conversations that they probably should have had during week one and it’s finally starting to pay off. They’ve talked about childhoods and the worst teachers they’ve had. They’ve talked about their favorite foods, everyone dreaming of real meals that don’t come in cans or bags. They’ve told the most mundane stories and the best stories. They’ve even ventured into talks about the future and what they want to do with their lives once they can leave. Mostly it’s talk of sleeping in comfy beds with proper heating systems, but there’s some personal stuff in there too.

It’s the start of another morning and Bucky is still in bed, listening to the sounds of Steve in the kitchen working the world’s rustiest can opener. Y/N is probably still asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace, which has become her bed, despite there being room for her in the one bedroom. She blames Steve’s snoring and Bucky’s kicking, but they both know she just needs more time. Considering time is the one thing they seem to have in abundance out here, they’re more than willing to give it to her.

Their day continues as normal as it can with three soulmates squeezed into 600 square feet. Steve is busy with updating their security system from CASSIE (Cap and Sarge’s Security Intelligence Equipment) to SABRINA (Steve and Bucky’s Real Intelligence Network Assistant). Why he even bothers, Bucky is not sure. The systems are pretty much identical except for voices and names which Tony had come up with suspiciously quickly.

Maybe Tony had provided a few extra updates when Steve had complained to Tony about going by Steve rather than Cap at home, but Bucky’s more upset about the fact that this only means that Steve has been to the cabin since Bucky has reappeared in his life. Steve is still being mysterious about this whole situation and Bucky is determined to get to the bottom of it. Okay, maybe not. Bucky does enjoy time off and if the bottom turns out to be alien monsters he’d like to keep his distance.

However, there is one thing that he is determined to get out of Steve and that is the very location of this small structure. Judging by Y/N’s comments on their travels, Bucky is pretty sure she doesn’t even know that they’re in Europe and now that he thinks about it, maybe he should be teaching her some basic latitude and longitude instead of ancient Russian spy codes. Bucky isn’t as green and so the minute he spotted the coordinates, he was able to pinpoint their destination.

What he wasn’t able to pinpoint was Steve’s reasoning. They have no real ties to the Austrian Alps, none at all, unless you consider that’s where Bucky had practically died nearly 80 years ago. Bucky has had zero desire to ever visit, let alone buy a vacation home, so Steve has some explaining to do. Steve has been avoiding this conversation for the past two days pretty successfully by either offering to go out in the snow to check the exterior of the cabin (still snowy and still standing) or by falling asleep the second his head hits the pillow.

The rest of the time Y/N provides a good enough reason for them not to discuss it. They’ve gotten better at not keeping things from her but going from Steve’s top ten failed dates in the 40s to Bucky’s near death experience is simply too much. They’ve been keeping the conversation light and laidback and Bucky wants to keep it that way. It’s just easier.

* * *

“Red and Blue?” Bucky proclaims in a heated debate between himself and Y/N about none other than her newest friend, Spider-Man. “I mean just pick a color,” Bucky says petulantly.

“Your boyfriend has the exact same color scheme.” She points out plainly and Steve is sure that Bucky is gonna have to secede. He’s wrong.

“But that’s literally because of America! Spider kid’s color scheme isn’t because of spiders. He just stole Cap’s colors because he couldn’t come up with anything better! Name a red and blue spider!”

“Spider-Man and the _Missulena occatoria_ , are both red and blue I believe,” Natasha shoots back, effectively scaring the shit out of everyone. Once Bucky has put away his gun and Steve his shield, and Y/N has recovered from literally falling off the couch (whether it’s because of Nat or the sudden appearance of weapons), they catch up. Natasha has news of the others and even better, a quinjet full of supplies. She’s brought their overnight bags that amazingly survived the bombing of the mansion cabin, toiletries and tools, and food.

Thank god for Romanoff. Bucky eats two mostly green bananas before he remembers that he should probably bring in the rest of the supplies. Real food just tastes so good when it’s not from a decade old aluminum can. Once everything is inside, Y/N busies herself with organizing, Steve with cooking a real meal, and Bucky hassles Natasha for what the hell is going on. Natasha can’t be bribed, not by the supplies she just brought them or promises to do a month of mission reports.

Instead, they talk about soulmates. It starts out the opposite of casual when Natasha tells him a frightening story about the only other pair of soulmates she’s ever known. A black widow who had met her soulmate on a mission, subsequently fallen in love, returned to the Red Room, and was killed on her return. Natasha herself had been sent back to take care of the loose ends, something she had explaining as unnecessary.

“He was practically dead when I found him. Too depressed to do anything, even to die. It was probably the most merciful I’ve ever had to be.” Natasha tells the story as if it’s not about her, but a fictional world, but Bucky knows that she’s hurting. He’s hurting just thinking about what it would actually feel like to lose a soulmate.

Steve has been eavesdropping on the conversation and he abandons the kitchen in favor of the couch. Luckily, Y/N’s hearing isn’t as good and she’s still organizing the clothes Natasha brought for her in the bedroom. “So why are you really here?” Bucky’s not sure why Steve’s being so rude. Maybe Steve is fine with baked beans every day, but Bucky is not.

Natasha takes it all in stride, used to not being thanked for her work. Bucky makes a mental note to properly thank Natasha later, but first he needs to hear what Natasha has to say.

“You’ll be here at least into the New Year.” It’s barely December and Bucky’s jaw drops in response.

“No way,” Bucky finally says once he takes back control over his mouth. Steve doesn’t have anything to say either for or against this ridiculous plan, and Bucky’s not sure what else to say other than no way again.

“I know it’ll be hard, however,” Natasha tells them, “this is really more of a favor to the team. And Tony, who wants you to lay low.” Bucky’s never been that big of a fan of Stark, but he does owe him a lot, mostly in rent money, but other things too. Bucky knows of Steve’s guilt surrounding Tony and his responsibility to the team, so there’s really no better reason Natasha could give to make them stay. Which of course makes Bucky very, very suspicious.

Natasha catches onto Bucky’s suspicion and finally delves into some real information. “You’ve heard of it to some extent I’m sure. Gossip mags are just the tip of the iceberg.” This is the last thing that Bucky would imagine Romanoff discussing right now. Reading gossip magazine was only something she pretended to do while on stakeouts, right?

“Soulmates.” Natasha clarifies for a confused Steve and Bucky. Steve immediately turns to the bedroom door on hearing that word, but Y/N is still in the bedroom listening to music and half singing. She’s entirely oblivious and Bucky wishes he could say the same about himself.

“The breakup of soulmates has always been a big deal, sure.” Steve might be willing to let Natasha set up the story, but Bucky’s more impatient right now. “But what’s this got to do with the attack in New York and on the cabin? How is this connected?”

“I’m getting there,” Natasha promises. “What the news doesn’t talk about is how a soulmate disconnect could lead to long lasting damage, even death.” There’s no way this is real. Bucky is about ready to tell Natasha to stop pulling his leg, but she doesn’t stop there.

“Three soulmates is even trickier. 95% of triads involve the original two meeting and knowing each other for at least two years before the final shows up. That leads to issues. Typically the last piece is left out but occasionally the one of the originals feels a stronger connection and they separate that way. It can leave to severe depression, heartbreak, death. That’s why Stark thinks they were hacking into the Soulmate Database.”

Something about statistics makes it seem a little more real. “So whoever hacked into the system wants to hurt her?” Bucky asks, still not entirely understanding the point of all this. Surely her information is no longer in the database. Surely Stark can handle a hacker. Surely this is all being taken way out of proportion.

“Not exactly. You see soulmates are soulmates.” They’re both immediately exasperated at Natasha’s language. She realizes her mistake and continues before they stop her. “Well they are. Even if they don’t think they fit they do. Maybe first impressions left a negative lasting mark, or they didn’t take the time to get to know each other properly. But even when they don’t work the connection is still there.” Bucky wonders if Steve realizes that he’s tracing the markings on his left wrist as Natasha speaks.

“When they don’t work out in a triad, when two go off on their own, not only is the one left behind hurt. They all end up with damage to their souls. Not typically immediately but still. Again this is usually just in extreme cases.” No one needs to say what they all are thinking. This is certainly an extreme case.

“Well why now?” Steve asks Natasha. He’s stopped touching his soul marks in favor of reaching for Bucky’s hand. Bucky squeezes back just as tight. Natasha just quirks her head, not sure what Steve is getting at. After all, soulmate bonds aren't exactly new.

“Why didn’t you tell us this when she and Bucky met?” Steve is getting even more exasperated. “Or hell, when you learned that we were all soulmates?” Bucky must admit that Steve has a point. “Why didn’t I die when I thought I lost Bucky?”

“Did you not have any issues after his death? Did you not feel your soul changing?” Natasha asks Steve. Bucky is immediately uncomfortable at hearing that. He hopes his palms don’t start to sweat. Bucky’s not sure if his own soul changed during that period of his life or if it had just entirely left his body. He hopes for the second.

Steve has to think Natasha’s questions over. “I, I don’t know maybe?” Is all he says, but it’s clear that he comes up with more thoughts on the matter than that. Bucky’s not sure which way Steve is leaning on the matter of a soul changing. He doesn’t like the idea of Steve changing any more than he already has.

“Well I don’t know either,” Natasha admits. “Maybe it’s your superhuman body or the fact that Bucky wasn’t really gone or maybe it just wasn’t enough time. But I hope we’ll never find out.” Bucky has to agree with Natasha on that point.

They sit in the cabin and listen to the soft music coming from the bedroom. Once again, Bucky wishes he could have sat this one out. However, he’s glad that Steve didn’t have to hear it alone and they’ll definitely be relaying this information over to their other soulmate soon. “Well clearly they haven’t been monitoring the tower,” Steve remarks sounding incredibly bitter.

Now it’s Natasha’s turn to ask. “What does that mean?” Bucky isn’t sure what Steve means either, but it can’t be anything good.

“It means that if we had been left alone I probably would’ve broken us up all on my own. I mean Jesus Christ could I have been more of an asshole.” As Steve’s voice raises, Y/N appears hobbling over as if on cue. Natasha flawlessly changes conversation to something much more mundane until the rest of the meal preparation is complete.

Dinner itself is a relatively quiet affair, with three out of four ravenous for a proper meal. Natasha does most of the talking which involves quite a few more compliments than the Black Widow typically offers. Bucky tries his best to compliment her in return. Nat's impressed with their set up and she’s happy to see that they are happy. Bucky’s not sure why he didn’t quite realize it, but he most definitely is happy, and looking at the blushing faces around him, his soulmates feel the same way.

Natasha leaves soon after eating with promises of returning after Christmas with more news. Y/N promptly draws up a calendar with the date starred. Four weeks with the three of them, this’ll be easy right? It better be, because if not, well three souls are on the line.

* * *

Bucky takes an after dinner nap on the couch in order to avoid looking at Steve trying to conceal his grimace. He wakes even grumpier than before with his newly repaired leg twitching uncontrollably. He punches it a few times, but it does nothing to offset the incessant tingling feeling. It’s as if his leg has fallen asleep and refuses to wake.

Steve is more worried than he needs to be, asking Bucky, “did the bone set right?” and hovering over him. Bucky wants to make a rude remark about a different bone, but he controls himself. Now is clearly not the time, even if Bucky wishes it was.

“If it didn’t then, it’s fixed itself by now,” Bucky remarks instead. Steve frowns. Possibly this is worse than if Bucky had requested assistance setting a different bone. Bucky has immediate regrets, even if it wouldn’t have led to anything. Steve had been surprisingly celibate over the past week.

“I wouldn’t have let you put pressure on it if I knew it wasn’t done healing.” Steve’s feeling guilty yet again and Bucky wants to fix it all. Too bad he knows they won’t be able to resolve it like they usually do. The bedroom walls are definitely not thick enough and there’s no punching bags in the wilderness. The last thing they need is Steve unraveling out here in the middle of nowhere. Bucky needs stable Steve more than he’d like to admit and Steve knows it which really just adds to Bucky’s own guilt.

“Well, we didn’t have a choice did we,” Bucky offers a smile which Steve responds to with a sigh and telling him to take it easy. Bucky still wants to ask Steve why the hell he bought a cabin in the place where Steve had thought he had watched him die, but they have a more important conversation to be having.

Being honest is hard, but they manage to break down their conversation with Natasha in friendlier terms. Leaving out the bleak story Natasha had started out with was a great call and truly Y/N was taking it better than how she reacted upon seeing a mouse run across the floor yesterday. The more they explain to her, the less guilt Bucky carries with him. He only hopes Steve feels the same way.

* * *

Bucky is in the middle of a very pleasant dream involving Steve’s mouth when a noise wakes him up. His bed is warm, and Steve’s arm is wrapped around him; he does not want to get up. Bucky turns on the lamp on the nightstand, it flickers but the Bucky’s electrical tape must’ve done the job and the light stays on. Sure enough, Steve remains fast asleep snoring lightly. He is clearly exhausted if he didn’t hear what Bucky heard.

That’s right, the noise that had woken him up has yet to be determined. Bucky reluctantly gets out of bed and onto the freezing floor. He heads out into the living room and hears another noise similar to what had woke him. A squeak from the couch. He turns on the light and sure enough Y/N was awake as well.

“Did you hear that?” She asks, hearing Bucky on the squeaky floorboards. She’s sitting up on the couch, but still covered in nearly all the blankets in the house.

“Sure did. Woke me up.” Bucky’s voice is gruff, and he has to clear his throat. He shuffles closer, wishing he had put on some socks or stolen the comforter from the bed. It probably was best that he let Steve sleep though. After a long conversation, Steve needed to recharge.

“Me too," she says, now looking at the front door. Bucky and Steve didn’t like the idea of her being so close to the entrance, but there really wasn’t anywhere else for her to sleep. It was warm by the fire and they were only a few feet away if something were to happen.

“Yeah I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing then.” She looks confused. “I heard you?” He reminds her, starting to feel confused himself. He pinches his arm. Yep he was definitely awake.

“I heard something!” She says, now pointing at the shuttered window. “I wasn’t dreaming.” Bucky follows her hand to the window and wonders if it’s worth it to undo the covering and take a look outside. He remembers that it’s in the middle of the night and despite his many abilities, night vision is not one of them.

“It was probably just the wind,” he tells her, but she doesn’t believe him. He moves to sit next to her on the couch. It was comfy enough, but he still wouldn’t want to be her every night, even if the warmth from the fireplace was nice. Steve was warmer.

“It wasn’t,” she says again. “I heard something!” She flinches as he leans back on the couch. “Did you hear that?!?” She asks excitedly.

“Nope,” he responds, looking down at her feet. “That was the sound of me sitting down. But I think I see what woke me up.” She frowns after following his eyeline.

“Yeah I woke up and forgot about it I guess. Sorry maybe that’s what woke you up.” He’s not sure how her toes aren’t frozen, but the wrap on her foot has come mostly undone and her ankle has restarted swelling.

“Yep,” he agrees, “it was.” He gently lifts her foot up to his lap and she turns sideways on the couch to allow him. He begins unwrapping the rest of the gauze to take a proper look. “You know you were nearly healed up right?” She nods looking upset with herself. “But now Steve’ll have you stuck on the couch for another day at least.”

She groans and starts to complain but then Bucky hears it too. And it’s definitely not just the wind. He sets her foot back down and heads back to the bedroom. The StarkPad Nat brought with the properly set up security monitoring system should be able to detect the noise.

Unfortunately, the system powering on with SABRINA at full volume wakes Steve up as well. Bucky’s thinks he might be more disappointed than Steve to have woken him, but Steve’s good competition. “What the hell is going on?” Steve’s standing up, but unlike Bucky, has taken the entire comforter with him. He looks like he’s wearing some ridiculous Greek toga Halloween costume, but Bucky manages not to laugh.

Bucky turns down SABRINA’s volume and has her run a scan of the perimeter. Y/N hops in from the couch and Steve is even more upset. “Bucky what’d you do,” Steve sternly says as he checks over her ankle. He abandons his toga costume in order to smother Y/N in the comforter and gestures Bucky to sit beside them.

Bucky joins them on the bed, and they all stare at the device waiting for the all clear. Steve is more tired than concerned, but Bucky and Y/N know they heard something. Sure enough, SABRINA finishes her scan and announces that she detects animals, possibly wolves. On cue they hear howling.

Steve yawns and goes to get the eight blankets from where they were abandoned by Y/N on the couch. He returns looking like a mummy and lays down to go back to bed. Y/N isn’t ready for this to be over yet. She doesn’t appear to feel any better, instead she’s back to shaking and Bucky knows that it’s not from the cold. She’s covered in a king sized down comforter and right next to Steve. No one could possibly be cold.

Steve is annoyed he was woken up, but he feels sympathetic towards her. He gets her to lie down beside him and he strokes her hair, clearly hoping she’ll just go back to sleep. She’s embarrassed but also unable or possibly unwilling to go back to sleep. Steve tries his best to soothe her with joking promises that he’ll protect her from the big bad wolf, but she still doesn’t settle.

Bucky double checks the StarkPad and has SABRINA run another scan. This one returns quickly with confirmation that it is indeed wolves in the vicinity. This information does not soothe her needs. Meanwhile Steve has closed his eyes in an attempt to go back to sleep. It is three in the morning, but she’s not done yet.

“Werewolves,” she decides, “or maybe robot wolves.” She’s convinced there’s something more evil outside than just natural wildlife, and Bucky can’t blame her. She’s certainly been through a lot, but that doesn’t make the thought of werewolves any less funny. So what if they laugh at werewolves; they’re not laughing at her. She pouts. “Thor is real and so are aliens. What makes werewolves any different?”

“Okay maybe you’re right,” Steve acquiesces and promises he’ll protect her from anything, and apparently those are the magic words. She lies back down, and they go back to sleep. Bucky goes into kitchen to monitor. It’s only a few more hours until morning but if he stays on the bed he’ll fall asleep and he wants to make sure there really is nothing else malicious outside. Plus, he needs some alone time to process all that Natasha had told them earlier.

He thinks more about how much having a soulmate has impacted his life. His connection to Steve is undeniable and has been from the start. He and she are more iffy, but they’re definitely getting there. He spends the next two hours reading up on the science and research that has been done on soulmates, until SABRINA sends him an image.

It’s of a few wolf-like figures roaming about the property and one figure alone near the woodshed that Bucky has yet to go into. If the interior is half as scary as the exterior, he’s not sure he ever wants to go in it. He shivers as he thinks of being outside and decides that the kitchen is too cold. If her ideas about werewolves have him nervous, he won’t admit it.

Bucky brings a kitchen chair into the bedroom and immediately Y/N sits up. Bucky apologizes, thinking that he woke her, but she assures him that she was still up. She’s scared and Bucky feels bad. Steve is usually a comfort, but not so much when he’s asleep. Bucky shows her the normal sized wolves. “Werewolves would be big right?” He means to joke, but she’s not sure about the proper size of werewolves and so it doesn’t help.

She doesn’t want to sleep so they talk. They talk about what Natasha had told them and about all that they’ve been through since Thanksgiving. “I’ve never seen someone move like that,” she admits to him in reference to his actions in the snowstorm. Is she afraid of him? “Any of those people could’ve killed me. And worse they injured you.” Her voice is sad, but Bucky’s struggling with finding the right thing to say.

What do you say when your soulmate sees you murder a bunch of people? Maybe they would’ve killed them in return, but they’ll never know now. “Would he even care if I died?” Her voice is so low the howling wind outside nearly drowns it out. He’s still struggling to find the right words but at least this time he speaks.

“I despise that you would ever think that.” He holds her hand and tries to tell her how important she is to him and to Steve. If only Steve would wake up and fix this before he makes it worse. He imagines this is what Steve feels like when the responsibility inevitably falls to his shoulders. He promises her that her life is precious to them and that they would do anything for her. His promises are legit, but they both know it’s not him who she struggles to place faith in.

The look on her face is clear doubt. “But Bucky.” He knows what she’ll say before she says it. “What can I possibly give you that you can’t already give each other.” He pauses for a moment to think of how to properly phrase this. He’d be lying if it hasn’t been on his mind since he first saw the second set of initials on his wrist.

“Did you know that when I started to remember things again I couldn’t remember Steve’s name or that we were soulmates?” She looks shocked, but thankfully doesn’t interrupt. “I knew I had a soulmate from the mark, but I never really thought about it, I guess I didn’t have the ability to. Once I started remembering things I knew I knew him, but I didn’t know how or why.”

Bucky thinks back to that whole period of his life where he was just an in between person. “I had to research to remember his name, but I remembered small things. I remembered this green shirt he used to wear as a kid. It made his eyes so blue. I remembered the pumpkin pie his mom Sarah made. I remembered the way it felt when his hand was in mine. The big stuff came later, but these little things were first.”

She’s speechless as she listens to him. “And there’s lots of small things about you that I think I would remember if god forbid it happens again. I don’t think I could ever forget how you looked in that red scarf when we properly met. I doubt I’ll forget how you threw up twice when my leg was broken,” he teases playfully and then transitions back to serious.

“And no amount of brainwashing will make me forget how right it feels to hold your hand too.” Bucky can see her eyes getting watery and he himself feels similarly. “Anyway I just want you to know that I,” he pauses again. “I adore you. Steve adores you and you are very much needed.” A few tears fall at that admission, but she wipes them away and accepts his embrace.

“I don’t know if you’ve realized, but Steve and I are pretty fucked up. We could use some normality in our lives and so we thank you for it. You bring us back down to earth and back into reality. I know you and Steve have a ways to go, but I know he adores you and I know we won’t stop trying to make this all work.” There’s a lot more that he could say about that, but he doesn’t need to.

“I adore you too. Both of you.” Her words are as true as Bucky’s, but there’s still a slight awkwardness hanging in the air. Something is missing. She glances at Steve who is still fast asleep in bed beside her. Neither her nor Bucky knows what to say now. “Will you come to bed too?” Her head is just peeking out beneath the covers and she and Steve look so warm and snuggly.

He shouldn’t. The sun is starting to rise but he’s got to tell Steve about something. But it’s so hard to remember when her yawn makes him yawn, and when her hand reaches out and touches his, well, he’s asleep in bed with his soulmates just like that.


	14. And all I ever knew, only you

Steve wakes up to find Bucky in bed with him and Y/N. So much for Bucky’s proposed all-night watch. Honestly it’s fine, Steve doubts that there’s anything significant outside anyway. He stretches in bed, carefully moves a hand off of his chest, and without waking either soulmate, gets up. He gets dressed quickly in the cold air and throws a few more logs on the fire. There’s not many left; he’ll need to go out and replenish their fuel before another storm rolls in.

Steve takes care of a few other chores while the others sleep. He sweeps the floor and adds a few more repairs to his list. He’s worked hard to make this place livable, and now he wants this place to be enjoyable. He plans to come up with a better way of washing their blankets and sheets and daydreams of installing a washing machine.

Maybe he could build an addition in the springtime. They could certainly do with a guest room and a second bathroom wouldn’t hurt. Maybe he could have a study here, and a little sunroom for Y/N to read in would be perfect. He could get some chickens and maybe a cow or some goats and Bucky would certainly know how to handle the animals.

A larger kitchen would be appreciated by Steve, but he can make do with what he’s got for now. Thanks to Natasha’s offerings, their pantry is fully stocked, and Steve can go back to being the number one provider, at least in the kitchen. He makes pancakes and washes some of the fresh fruit that Natasha brought. The fruit will mostly go to Y/N, but pancakes will more than please Bucky. Steve hums as he prepares the meal, wondering if he should wait a few more hours before actually making the pancakes in case they want to sleep in more.

His daydreaming is cut short thanks to SABRINA. The AI warns him of a nonlethal presence outside and Steve heads out, half expecting to find Nick Fury. Instead he finds a dog who barks loudly upon seeing him. Steve tries to calm the dog down by slowly approaching in order to offer pets, but the dog only wants to run around and play, barking all the while. Eventually this must wake the others, because Steve is not alone for long.

Despite Y/N leaping off the couch and onto her hurt ankle last night, she’s walking just fine when she sees what’s making all the noise. “A puppy!” She crouches down, ignoring the melting snow and the dog runs right up to her. So much for Steve’s attempt at getting close to the animal. The dog rolls over and allows her and Bucky to give it belly rubs.

“You must be the big bad wolf hiding in our shed, huh boy?” Bucky’s baby talking the dog in a very cute way, but Steve doesn’t miss the words being spoken. Apparently the "wolves" had gotten closer than Steve would have liked. Well maybe the rest really were wolves, but it's probably doesn't matter now.

Bucky senses Steve’s stare and looks up. Steve tries to give Bucky a stern look, but it’s hard to when the dog is licking Bucky’s entire face. “I knew there was something I was forgetting?” Bucky says in apology.

Y/N’s too busy fawning over the animal to notice. “Who’s a good boy? You are! Yes, you!” she practically sings. “The cutest puppy in the world,” she announces, and Steve doesn’t entirely disagree.

“I don’t think that’s a puppy,” Bucky says. “It looks like it could weigh as much as you.” Sure enough she is struggling to get up with the dog laying on top of her. Bucky throws a stick to get it to jump off of her and Steve has to laugh.

“All dogs are puppies,” she proclaims once she can breathe properly again. The dog wiggles like it agrees and starts running in circles around the yard again. He refuses to let Bucky have the stick back to throw, preferring to drop it and then snatch it up again once Bucky gets too close.

“This one could be the exception,” Steve says looking at the sheer size of the animal, but he looks pleased too. The dog is large but clearly friendly, and Steve doesn’t know of anyone else living nearby. He’s not sure where this dog came from, but he seems to be alone for now.

“A Christmas puppy? Can we keep him?” Steve gets the feeling that she’s not really asking but being polite. It might only be the first week of December, but with the snowy weather it already feels like the holidays. Time seems to be moving faster these days and Steve knows that Christmas will be here before he knows it.

“I’m not your father,” is all Steve comes up with in response. He wants the dog too, but weirdly enough, isn’t quite ready to admit it.

“Maybe not, but you sure act like it sometimes,” she mutters in return before telling the dog yet again just how wonderful he is. Bucky about dies of laughter at hearing her words. Steve’s got to make a decision about the dog before Bucky takes his previous words further out of context.

“We’ll keep him,” Steve finally concedes, “but only if he doesn’t pee in the house.” Bucky’s still laughing but thankfully seems to be keeping the rest of his thoughts to himself.

“Did you hear that, good boy? No pee pee in the house and you can stay where it’s nice and warm and cozy.” Steve had no idea she liked dogs this much. Or maybe she was just sick of them and needed new company. Either way it appeared like the dog would stay.

* * *

A week later and Steve would’ve rethought the dog situation if he had known just how much hair he’d be cleaning up. Despite the incessant shedding, the dog really is an excellent companion, even if no one can decide on a name. So far the pup responds to just about everything from Broccoli to Roger as long as it’s said in the right tone of voice. Both of his soulmates have strong opinions on their name choices, and nothing seems right yet, so dog remains unnamed.

Steve enjoys taking Dog (he wasn’t picking any sides or agreeing with any names so far) on walks around the area. Bucky and Y/N are cold averse, but Steve loves going out and listening to the sound of the wind shaking snow off of the trees. They go out for hours in the cold sunshine, admiring the frozen over creek and chasing after rabbits. Some activities were better suited for Dog than him, but the company was still nice.

Steve didn’t think he’d like being away from the city, but the city has changed so much, and he does love it out here. It’s beautiful in the same way he remembers it being, but this time any sadness is erased with the realization of the present. He has everything he needs in a cabin just a few miles away. It really can’t get much better than this.

Despite not wanting anything to change, Steve still comes up with a dozen ways to improve the place. Once spring rolls around, everything will change once more. Maybe they could have a garden or go fishing in the creek. Maybe they would go picnicking or hiking up the mountains. Maybe he would draw again. He certainly has the inspiration for it again.

Steve returns back home in a fantastic mood. Unfortunately his other companions are more on the crabby side of things. Bucky’s claiming that he didn’t cheat in cards and Y/N’s claiming that she knows Bucky had the Queen of Hearts. How or why they are arguing over a game of go fish is beyond Steve, but he listens to their bickering as he gets water for himself and Dog.

Things get worse when Bucky, still refusing to admit that he was cheating, decides to turn to Steve. “Steve! I didn’t cheat! Tell her I didn’t cheat! I never ever ever cheat,” Bucky’s voice is more sweet and conniving than serious, but Steve struggles to match the tone when he responds.

“He’s a cheat,” Steve tells her, hoping that this will put an end to the conversation, and he can tell them about the wildlife he saw on his walk. It doesn’t and Steve wants to walk right on the door and leave them to figure it out on their own. Their fights never last long anyway. An hour later and they’ll be back to normal; Steve just happened to enter at the wrong time.

“Fuck you,” Bucky says, hastily shoving the rest of the playing cards in the box. “I might be a cheat, but at least I’m not a liar. Not like you.” This conversation has gotten way too real way too fast, and Y/N tries to stop it. She leans against Bucky’s side and tries to distract him, but Bucky’s gone from zero to one hundred and Steve’s gonna have to see it through.

“We’re in the middle of Austria right now,” Bucky informs her after harshly moving away from her and into the armchair. “Did you know that, or did he not tell you? Cause he sure hasn’t explained shit to me.” Steve would be lying if he said he didn’t anticipate this conversation happening, but it doesn’t make him any more interested in having it.

“I nearly died in Austria,” Bucky continues. “Not sure if you knew that, but we’re less than a hundred miles from the Hydra base where they made me into this.” Y/N looks like she might be sick, and Steve doesn’t feel much better. “Oh but don’t worry, it’s completely destroyed now. Absolutely obliterated so it makes sense to come here on vacation, right?”

Steve doesn’t know where to start but Bucky’s not waiting for Steve to get his words just right. “Spill,” Bucky commands, “spill it all or I’m out. For real this time.” Steve tries not to think of the last time Bucky had threatened this and instead focuses on 1942, the year he lost Bucky for the first time.

“He’s right,” Steve admits. “This is, uh, close to where I last saw him before I woke up in the ice. The last place I’d seen him alive.” Steve clears his throat, wishing he could take better control of his body. “Until later obviously.” Steve’s struggling with what to say, but Bucky’s still angry and Y/N’s still quiet.

“I knew that logically you couldn’t have survived but, I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t live with it.” Steve’s hands are shaking, and he has to sit down on the couch. Dog sits on the floor beside him and puts his head in Steve’s lap. “So I needed to search for you, and I needed a place to stay. Everyone else was moving along, but I had to take some time, uh away for a while.”

“I’m sorry I lied earlier,” Steve says. “I didn’t buy this place in 2010, I bought it in 1942. I needed shelter and there was a man who owned the place. It was the middle of the war and I wanted to rent it out, but he needed money and I had money. So I bought it under a fake name and, I.” Steve clears his throat. “I should’ve searched longer, but I just didn’t have the time. It’s my biggest regret, Buck.”

The memories start flooding back and Steve has to close his eyes. “I didn’t find you and so I had to move on. I still owned the cabin, but there were bigger things on my mind.” Steve opens his eyes and looks at his surroundings. Y/N is looking at him, but Bucky is just looking at Dog, who sits patiently between Steve’s legs. Steve scratches Dog’s ears and continues.

“After the ice and uh Loki, I had well, you know. I had my breakdown.” Judging by the pitiful look on her face, she knew exactly what Steve was talking about. About a month after aliens had flooded the sky Steve had finally come to the realization that this was his life now and that he couldn’t go back. Unfortunately the realization was recorded, posted, and shared in every possible way. The worst news stations still liked to refer to it, but at least they couldn’t legally display the footage on TV anymore.

“So after that I took some time off and I came here. I looked around some more, but I really didn’t stay long. It just felt wrong. I did buy proper furniture, so you should be pleased with that. Otherwise the place would be empty.” It’s a flat joke, but maybe now they won’t be so harsh towards the décor that Steve had gathered at various garage sales during his trip here in 2010.

“And so that’s the story. I’m sorry I didn’t explain it earlier. I should have.” Steve finishes his story lamely, hoping that this conversation will be over soon. He needs to go on another walk alone as soon as possible.

“And ever since I showed up? Why didn’t you tell me then?” Bucky has a point. Steve really could have, and he really should have. “Why!? I know you’ve been back. I doubt CASSIE just happened to go by the same acronym before I showed up.” Bucky’s voice is harsh but sad.

Great, Steve is still a liar. “You’re right, Buck. That's not the full story. I did come back once I knew you were alive. You had only been in the tower for a week and I just didn’t know what I was doing with my life. Tony had upgraded my security to our security, and I guess I wanted to visit?” It’s a lie again. Steve stops and changes tracks.

“I felt like, like such a failure and so I needed space. I said I was going to Kuwait for a mission, but I came here. I only stayed long enough to unpack and then I realized I needed to be with you, so I came back. I’m sorry. I am a liar. I should have told you. It was wrong, so wrong.” Telling the truth is supposed to make you feel better, but Steve just feels horrible for keeping this in for so long.

“I wanted to tell you! I swear I wanted to come clean about it all, but I just kept overthinking everything. You were so fragile at the start. I didn’t want to say or do anything wrong that would have made things worse. The whole situation was crazy, and I felt so weird about it. I was embarrassed and worried about what you would think and the longer I waited, the weirder it became until I decided I just wouldn’t ever mention it.” Steve’s volume is picking up, but Dog and his soulmates remain calmly seated.

“Until now obviously. I don’t even think I realized where I was taking us until you looked at the coordinates and by then it was too late. I’m sorry. I fucked up again and I keep fucking up and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to take care of you, Bucky! And I don’t know how to take care of you,” he gestures at her.

“And honestly I don’t know how to take care of me. I’m so sorry you have to deal with me. It’s not fair to you and you would probably be better off on your own together without me! But because of this,” he gestures half-heartedly to his soul mate markings, “you’re stuck with me and I’m so fucking sorry. I understand if you don’t want me here.”

“Of course we want you, stupid,” Bucky wraps an arm around Steve, holding him close. Steve listens to the solid, steady rhythm of Bucky’s heartbeat. “But you could have told me, you know. You don’t need to carry all of this on your own. You have us on your side. You can tell us anything.” Y/N nods enthusiastically, finding her place on Steve’s other side.

Sandwiched between his soulmates, Steve begins to cry. He utterly and entirely blames himself. It’s his fault for splitting them up and for leaving her and Bucky to wander all alone. It’s his fault for taking them away from Natasha and safety and landing the plane in a forest in the middle of nowhere. It’s his fault for taking them here to this half rotting cabin. She’s scared and Bucky’s upset and it’s all his fault.

Steve’s tears slow enough for him to say a few words. “Even before all of this I fucked it all up. From the very start I rejected you.” He looks at Y/N and tries not to cry even more. “And then on Thanksgiving! I should have prepared you! I should’ve sent you with the others, but I was selfish and wanted you close. And then I regretted it and sent you away with Bucky and well, look where that’s taken us.”

Bucky does a dramatic look around the room. Steve knows exactly what he’s thinking. The cabin was a bit decrepit, but it had become homey. And with his soulmates and now a dog it really was cozy. Everything bad he did might have led to this moment, but it’s still wrong. No, Steve can’t handle this. It’s just not right. Not even if Bucky thinks it can be.

“I didn’t want any of this. And it’s not personal at all,” Steve says to her. “Before I knew anything about you I hoped it wasn’t real. And I know that’s fucked up, but I wasn’t ready. Hell, I wasn’t even ready for Bucky to come back to me. I didn’t, I don’t-”

“Don’t start this,” Bucky says interrupting Steve.

“Don’t start what,” she asks, looking back and forth between them.

“He doesn’t think he deserves any of this, any of us,” Bucky gestures to them being all domestic with their quilts and mugs of hot chocolate, “and it’s bullshit Steve.”

“I wasn’t built for this. I was built to end wars. I’m not supposed to do any of this and that’s why it’s all my fault we’re such a mess.” Steve wants to get up and blow his nose, but Bucky’s not ready to let go just yet.

“Neither was I,” retorts Bucky. Steve shakes his head adamantly.

“But you didn’t choose it, Buck. I chose my life to be this. I wanted it.” Steve really truly had wanted it more than anything. He wishes he had realized how lucky he had been back then. He didn’t have much, but at least he always had Bucky.

“You didn’t know it would last this long,” Bucky tells him. “You didn’t understand what you were getting into. There was an immediate threat, and you didn’t think about how long the consequences would last.” Steve thinks this over. He’s heard it before, but maybe this time it’ll stick. He turns back to look at his other soulmate.

“I failed Bucky. I don’t want to fail you.” Steve thinks back to all the ways he should have acted better. “I know what it’s like being thrust into a whole new world without having any say in it and I should’ve treated you better. You shouldn’t have had to go through all of that. I should’ve known better.”

“I did know better,” Steve corrects himself, “and I know it’s not a real excuse, but I was jealous. I was afraid as well, but mostly jealous. I was jealous of how happy Bucky was when he talked about you. I felt like I was being replaced and I hated you for it. But all the same you pulled me in as well and what I thought was hate turned into the opposite.” Steve sniffs loudly and wraps his arms around both of his soulmates and pulls them in for a tight hug. “It’s dumb I know, but I swear it’s as true as I can put into words.”

* * *

Despite Steve being certain that he had ended everything, the sun still rises in the morning. Y/N on his left and Bucky on his right. Dog at the foot of the bed. Instead of getting up as he usually does, he remains in bed, thinking. He thinks of all the ways Bucky has supported him over the years. He thinks about how she had supported him last night. She could have stormed off and screamed, but instead she comforted and cared.

She had made him dinner that night instead of the other way around, and Steve was pleased. He knew logically that he didn’t have to do everything, but seeing it work in action was an entirely different feeling. She and Bucky had comforted him, and they had talked. They had talked about all the implications of Natasha’s information and what it could mean for them.

Steve still feels terrible about what he has done, but it feels like they might be able to move on from it. Steve still feels so, so terrible for all that he’s done. However, for the first time in a long time Steve had gone to bed last night without anxiety about tomorrow blooming in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I add a dog for no real reason? Yes, absolutely. Sorry if animals aren't your thing, but after writing super long chapters, this one was just too short without something else, and I wanted it to be cute :) And this way you can see that Steve's approach to something new is more or less the same no matter what the new "thing" is 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! It really means a lot to me!
> 
> P.S. the dog breed won't ever be specified but after I did way too much research (looking at pictures of puppies) I thought the leonberger breed would be perfect for what I was thinking of when writing :)


	15. We could dream this night away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I said this before but this story is complete and I plan on posting a chapter every other day until it's all posted! Thanks again for reading!

After the disaster that was Thanksgiving, you haven’t been looking forward to the rest of the winter holidays. However, Bucky does not appear to be of the same mind. He’s played the singular Christmas record that Steve owns, Bing Crosby’s 1945 compilation album aptly titled Merry Christmas. Steve’s got dozens of records, but Bucky won’t let you listen to anything else, and it is slowly driving you insane.

Christmas is still a week away and if you have to hear “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” one more time you’re going to have to cut off your ears. Steve doesn’t seem to matter Bucky’s obstinance, or maybe he loves the season just as much as Bucky. It’s a bit hard to tell with Steve even after witnessing his breakdown and listening to what he’s been feeling. Steve’s still a bit guarded, but you can’t blame him. There’s some things that you’ve been keeping to yourself too.

Some secrets are good, especially when it comes to presents. Both Bucky and Steve have been mysterious the past few days but in a good way. A way that makes you nervous to come up with something worthy of their time for their gifts. Steve spends a lot of time in the kitchen on a normal day, but he’s taken to not letting you or Bucky inside either. It doesn’t bother you though. Steve’ll just grab food for you and hand it out of the door.

Bucky on the other hand has been trying to snoop. He’s been trying to sneak his way into the kitchen for days now, but Steve only lets him in at the end of the day and there is nothing different that you can see. Bucky’s been less mysterious and more frank. He’d head out to the woodshed for hours at a time, announcing to everyone that he was going for a “walk” and no one should go into the shed, but the two were unrelated, of course.

You’re not interested in going in the old shed anyway. Although you’re surprised to know that Bucky has been spending time in there. The comments he had made towards it from day one had been anything but savory. He’s definitely got your curiosity piqued.

None of these are real issues. You prefer spending your time as close to the fireplace as possible. However, you do have a problem. There’s literally nothing you can come up with that either Steve or Bucky will like or appreciate. You can kind of draw, but after seeing Steve do a quick sketch of Bucky, there’s simply no point. Natasha brought a few games and tools and of course food, but there’s nothing there that you can transform into something worthwhile.

The only benefit is that the nearest shopping mile is miles away so you don’t have to wander the department stores trying to find a sweater or a cologne that would be deemed good enough. You don’t want good enough, you want it to be perfect. But good enough doesn’t even seem possible anymore. You’ve opened every drawer, searched every cabinet, looked under the bed, organized and reorganized all of the supplies and inspiration has yet to strike.

There’s simply nothing to make or to do that would be acceptable. You’ve turned to training Dog to do a few tricks, but you figure that’s a present from Dog, not you. They’ve both got secrets hidden up their sleeves and you’re sure that whatever it is they’ve planned it will be incredible. You want to do something better for them. They certainly deserve it. Now if only you can come up with something at all.

* * *

Christmas Eve comes quicker than you would have hoped. The three of you had settled in bed after a heavier than usual meal and were peacefully watching Dog snore near your feet. You are alongside the boys after deciding it was simply easier to go along with Steve than against him. Steve, acting every bit the child that Bucky has been for the past few weeks, has claimed that Santa Claus simply couldn’t leave presents if you were asleep on the couch.

You had pointed out that there would still be a blazing fire in the fireplace, making the trek down the chimney unlikely, and Bucky had pointed out that all things considered, the big guy would be more likely to give you all coal. Steve had ignored all of this and instead shuffled you all into the bedroom and snuggled up together.

You hate that you’re excited about tomorrow, but you really are. Your presents are lacking in more ways than one, but it’s fun to have people to celebrate with. It’ll be lovely to wake up to a snow covered yard and to spend the day as you usually do, together in the middle of the unknown. You fall asleep listening to Steve’s soft snores with the feeling of Bucky’s metal arm pressed against your side. It’s peaceful and comfortable and easy in a way you’d never have thought possible.

* * *

Christmas morning is a lazy slow endeavor. Everyone sleeps in, even Steve who’s normally up with the sun. Eventually Bucky rises to fetch coffee for everyone and to let Dog outside. He returns with the first present of the day, a lumpy something or other hidden under the worst of the moth eaten blankets. It take you a while to figure out what it is, even after it’s been unwrapped, but once you do realize what it is, you have to laugh.

Steve looks just as confused at first as he unwraps the large item. Then his jaw tenses and his nose wrinkles in a very un-Captain America way. “You did not make a footrest, it’s hideous!” Bucky’s not offended in the slightest. In fact if you had to guess, Steve’s dislike of the clunky (yet perfectly sanded) wooden footrest only makes Bucky happier.

“Well you’re always on Y/N’s case for keeping her foot up and let’s face it Steve your feet stink. They need to stay far, far away from the couch.” You look at what is essentially a box made of scrap wood, but after hearing Bucky’s explanation it makes a lot of sense. Keeping Steve’s feet off the couch will not only make more room on the couch for all three of you but will also help everyone’s sense of smell. It’ll even match the disorderly décor. It’s not what you’ve expected at all, but it works and therefore it is so very Bucky.

After everyone has thoroughly appreciated the gift via trying it out, you all snuggle down onto the couch, where you now all properly fit since Steve and Bucky can stretch out without sacrificing comfort. You enjoy the small comforts in life and listen to (for hopefully the last time) Bing Crosby’s Merry Christmas. You’ve decided to wait until after dinner to open the rest of the presents and the suspense is slowly killing you. Will they like it? Will they have to pretend to love it? Will you have to pretend to love something horrible?

You spend the rest of the day trying not to dwell on gift giving. The three of you spend most of the day lounging except for a winter walk with Dog in order to please Steve. You and Bucky complain amicably, and everyone ends up having a nice time, even if it’s still incredibly cold.

After your afternoon walk you head to the bedroom to finish up your gifts, Steve to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner, and Bucky to the living room to entertain Dog. The afternoon passes by quickly and as the sun starts to set, a horrible smell starts to fill the house. Along with the smoky smell is the sound of Steve’s cursing. The faulty oven has failed your Christmas dinner and has effectively broken Steve’s heart.

Steve’s a bit of a mess after his perceived failure, but honestly you and Bucky would and have done much worse in the kitchen than that. Bucky works on talking Steve away from self-loathing for “destroying Christmas” and you start coming up with new dinner plans. Steve likes to call the two of you dramatic, but in reality you’re all considerably prone to overreactions.

You’re a far cry from chef status and so you come up with grilled cheese sandwiches. There’s no spatula, which nearly sends Steve into another downwards spiral, but you show off your pan flipping skills and soon you’re all sending sandwiches flying. The floor is full of crumbs and Dog got his paws on a few bites of sandwich, but all in all it has turned out to be a lovely Christmas dinner.

You’re all about ready to retire to the sofa to finish the presents, but Steve stops you and shyly announces his Christmas present for the two of you. He opens the untrustworthy, barely functioning refrigerator and pulls out a pumpkin pie. You’re not sure you understand the significance, but Bucky looks as if he’s just seen Steve take a unicorn out of the fridge.

“I know it’s been a while, but it felt right.” Steve nervously sets the pie down in the middle of the table. Bucky remains starstruck and speechless. “It’s probably not very good. The oven’s pretty bad as you saw earlier.” Bucky ignores this and cuts the pie, giving Steve and then you a piece before serving himself.

You and Steve watch Bucky take a bite and immediately Bucky runs through a variety of visible emotions. First you see surprise and then excitement and then happiness and then sadness and then now maybe he’s left somewhere calm. You could be just making all of that up, but maybe you can start to read his facial expressions. You’ve been practicing, but there haven’t been too many opportunities.

“Your mom would be so proud,” Bucky tells Steve and Steve blinks back tears, emotions similarly flooding his face. You think back to everything you’ve ever heard of Sarah Rogers and Steve’s stories of holidays past. Her baking was legendary according to Bucky. This was clearly a big deal for Steve, and you are happy to be a part of it.

Unfortunately now that Bucky and Steve have given their presents, you are up next. You had taught Dog some tricks for entertainment as a Christmas present for the boys (from Dog) and so you decide to start with that. Hopefully it’ll break the ice and take away some of the pressure you’re feeling. Their presents hadn’t been all that spectacular but memorable certainly comes to mind. You doubt yours will hold up in comparison.

“Calvin and I have a present for you both,” you’re more excited than you’d like to admit, but this is gonna be pretty damn cute, even if you are still a bit nervous.

“You mean Boris?” Bucky asks you charmingly.

“Nope,” you respond just as sickly sweet, “I mean Ludwig. Come here Ludy, come here boy.” Dog bounds over excited to play. “Actually, I hate that. How about Ziggy or maybe Calgary?” Dog wiggles around after hearing each and every name. If only he could be pickier about what he responds to and this wouldn’t be a problem.

“Calgary like the city in Canada?” Steve doesn’t understand why you and Bucky can’t just pick a damn name. It’s been a few weeks and he still refers to the dog as Dog. “How about Cavalry, like soldiers on horseback?”

“I do often wonder if he is part horse,” Bucky says thoughtfully, and you all burst into laughter. Finally you get Dog to calm down and perform his talent show. He’s got sit, lay down, and speak mastered, but stay is another matter. He just can’t seem to understand why he shouldn’t follow you around if you’ve got a treat in your hand for him. Dog stands on his back legs and the two of you do a little dance around the coffee table. Dog gets lots of pets and praise and you’re starting to regret saving yourself for last. The pressure is on!

You head back into the bedroom and open your drawer in the dresser. Under the sweatshirt of Steve’s you normally wear and the jeans you wore on Thanksgiving which now have holes in the knees, you get present number one. It’s wrapped poorly in what you believe to be butcher paper from the pantry, but it’s not nearly as bad as Bucky’s job with the footrest which Bucky himself is currently using.

You hand Bucky’s to Bucky and Steve’s to Steve and in sync they rip away the white paper. Inside are clothes, their own clothes, but with a little work done. It’s pretty rough, and you immediately turn red as they inspect your work. “It’s called sashiko or visible mending,” you explain quickly. “I didn’t know what else to do, but so much of the clothes in the closet were damaged and I thought maybe this would be-“

“It’s beautiful thank you,” Bucky pulls you in a hug while Steve inspects the yellow patches on the elbows of his gray shirt. “They’re like suns, Stevie,” Bucky tells Steve pleasantly. You just get more embarrassed when both boys put on their newly repaired shirts. “A wonderful, wonderful Christmas,” Bucky announces, gesturing for you to join them on the couch.

“But that’s not it, I also wrote you guys a poem.” You find the piece of paper in your pocket and fight the urge to run out the door and into the snow. Freezing to death couldn’t be that painful, right?

“Really?” Steve asks looking awfully enamored. You feel like your face is a thousand degrees. Surely you can survive the cold with your face heating up like a furnace.

You have half a mind to throw it into the fire and be done with it, but they both look so earnest. You just can’t leave. “It’s really bad,” you precaution them in hopes of lowering their expectations, “like really bad. It barely even rhymes.” Neither seem to care and so eventually you hand it over to Steve.

Steve refuses to take it. “Come on,” he says pushing your arm back, “read it to us.” You’re not sure if it’s possible but you feel your cheeks getting ever hotter. Now you want to throw yourself into the fire along with your writing.

Your hands are shaking, but they don’t say a word. They don’t look judgmental or ready to make fun and you’re thankful. Bucky loves to poke fun, but if he had teased you wouldn’t be doing this. You clear your throat nervously and start to read.

“You’ve made it home for Christmas and that much is clear.

It’s far from where we started but hey we’re all here.

I know I’m unexpected, that’s not all that’s strange.

We’re from very different worlds, that simply won’t change.

There’s still a long way to go but I trust in us.

I know it’s not a lot, maybe even foolish.

All of us together and I’m still learning my part.

I wish I had a better gift other than my heart.

A Merry Christmas to you from me and the dog.

There’s many more still to come just don’t make me jog.”

It’s an incredibly embarrassing poem and you give them a weak smile, hoping that Bucky will make a lighthearted joke about Steve lapping you on the track, but instead Steve makes the first move. He pulls you down onto the couch beside them and it should be super awkward, but it’s not. You make eye contact with him and then Bucky and then the three of you just sit and feel everything.

You’re finally having that conversation with only expressions, and this time you feel like you catch every meaning. There’s no words, just understanding and it makes you feel as though you’re floating among the clouds. And the kissing that follows it, makes you feel like you’re flying.

_____________

You’re on the couch and feeling undeniably crabby. Maybe it was too much pie or the fact that you stayed up half the night, but you are not in the mood. You should have warned the boys, but that would have required talking and you’re not in the mood for talking. Instead you curl up on the couch and stare at the flames growing and shrinking in the fireplace. You’d think it’s obvious that you want to be alone right now, but Bucky either can’t read the vibes you’re putting off or he doesn’t care.

He smushes himself behind you in an attempt to cuddle. “Ughhh,” you groan loudly hoping that will give him the hint, but he doesn’t take it. “Ugh, I’m gonna go help Steve now,” you announce in hopes that Bucky will release you, but that doesn’t work either. Maybe it’s because you’ve relaxed into his arms or because Steve asked if you wanted to help him twenty minutes ago and you did nothing.

“I’m getting up now,” you say as if that will convince your body to move. You really do want to go and help Steve peel the potatoes or whatever, but also you can’t seem to move your body. It’s not because of Bucky, although the way he’s slowly slinking over you, pretty soon you physically won’t be able to get up. No, it’s not Bucky and his warmth, it’s just you being lazy. Sorry Steve but fuck the potatoes, you just can’t be bothered to cook right now.

“You’re already laying down, just let me,” Bucky tries to wrap his arms further around you, but you wiggle like crazy in response, mostly to annoy him. Bucky stills his arms and pouts. You’re not sure how much longer you can resist that face, but if you close your eyes then it doesn’t exist right?

“You’re being selfish.” Bucky’s voice is a whine, and you can’t help but laugh. A voice like that should not come from a body like that. If only his enemies could see him now: Bucky Barnes in his pajamas whining about his girlfriend not letting him smother her to death.

“I’m being selfish? You’re being selfish!” Your retort is childish, but it’s Steve’s groan that cements this knowledge. You and Bucky are not three year olds, but grown adults simply acting like three year olds.

“Could you two be any more dramatic,” Steve shouts from the kitchen but it’s cheerful. He’s been exceedingly cheerful the past ten hours and you think you know why. Steve was almost always down for a moderate amount of physical contact with his soulmates. He liked to hold your hand and he wasn’t afraid of hugs.

Bucky on the other hand went from no touch no contact to smothering people with full body weight. It was a lot for a person to handle and so when Bucky decided to ignore your halfhearted complaints and simply put more of his body on top of you, you became irritated.

“Bucky I cannot breathe. You’re gonna kill me.” Bucky, who knows that if you can still speak you can breathe, ignores you. “Ugh, Bucky why you gotta be so big.” Bucky breathes into your ear on purpose, and you want to scream. You start to squirm but that doesn’t work so you lay completely still, hoping that Bucky will think that you’ve died and provide relief to your lungs. Bucky, who can feel your heart steadily beating in your chest, ignores you.

A few minutes pass by and all of this pretending to be dead has made you sleepy. You’re about to doze off when you hear Steve turn the faucet on and you remember what’s going on. “Bucky, get up,” you’re back to whining. “I was gonna,” you shove him off your chest and he reluctantly slinks farther away, “I was gonna help Steve in the kitchen.”

“False,” Steve remarks appearing behind the couch. “You weren’t and even if you were it’s too late. I’m all done.” He sits down in the armchair and starts to read a book. A few minutes pass and Steve hasn’t offered you two a single glance.

You change your strategy now that Bucky has found his spot back on top of you. “Steve help me, I can’t get up.” Steve patiently puts down his book to take a look at you.

He stares at the two of you spread out on the couch and shakes his head. “Yes you can. He’s not even putting his full weight on you. You can get up.” It’s simply not fair when the super soldiers team up and go against you. Truly ungentlemanly of Steve. Captain America wouldn’t do this to you.

“Stevie,” you whine, “I’m too weak from malnourishment. I need more chocolate in my system to get him off me. I can’t do it.” Steve had been found hoarding chocolate in his beloved kitchen last week and you refuse to let it go. Unfortunately Steve doesn’t fall for your guilt trip.

“Yes you can,” Bucky counters, rudely. “Do it, get up, I dare you.” Well you can’t ignore a dare. You finally start to attempt to sit up in order to get Bucky off of you. If chocolate can’t fuel you, then the need to prove Bucky wrong will. But the farther you sit up the heavier Bucky gets.

“No fair, you’re cheating!” You gasp out and try to kick your feet, but your legs are pinned. You manage to get a hand in Bucky’s face, but he takes it all in stride.

“Cheating?” Bucky only laughs before putting his full weight on you for a second. God, all that muscle weighs a ton.

“Ahh,” you manage to breathe out.

“Okay that’s enough,” Steve drags Bucky off of you and onto himself. You take a deep breath in exaggerated relief and pretend to check if your ribs are still intact.

“Thank god. I thought I’d suffocate.” You and Bucky continue to bicker like school children until Steve sits himself down in the middle of the couch where you can’t touch each other. Steve hands books to both of you and refuses to look anywhere other than the pages of his book. You can hear Bucky turning the pages of his own book, but it’s much too sporadically and so Steve and you both know he’s just pretending.

Five minutes later and Bucky’s bored of his book. He stands up and moves Steve and the footstool to the left side of the couch. He sits beside you and you slowly put down your own book. He probably knows that you were also pretending to read. “Agree to disagree?” he asks you and you nod in response. He puts your feet onto his lap and his head in Steve’s and the three of you settle back for another evening of tranquility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the world's shittiest poem. Super embarrassing and I would like to pretend this chapter doesn't exist, but I wrote it and it will not go to waste. 
> 
> I also apologize for the worst Christmas gifts of all time. I really struggled with this and maybe if I had planned this (and the damn poem) out properly when I was in the Christmas spirit it wouldn't be crap. Oh well, it is what it is and although I'm not really pleased with this chapter at least it's up!
> 
> I hope you still liked it! 
> 
> Also shout out to Wensdy whose comment on chapter 7 inspired the line "You’re not sure how much longer you can resist that face, but if you close your eyes then it doesn’t exist right?" Thanks Wensdy :)


	16. You come around, I come undone

Bucky’s sad that the holidays are over. It’s always sad to wake up and know that Christmas is another year away, but this year feels sadder. Bucky could guess a hundred reasons why he feels that way, but he’d rather not dwell on the feeling. Instead he wants to focus on what they do have.

And a baking Steve is the first thing that comes to mind. Steve had refused to bake for so long, something Bucky had found dumb especially since Steve did have a great interest in all other areas of the kitchen, but Bucky still understood. Sarah Rogers was the best baker in Brooklyn as far as Bucky was concerned, and there was still a lot of emotional baggage tied to her.

Steve’s pie hadn’t been as good as Sarah’s, but Bucky figures that once he gets some fancy vanilla and a proper kitchen, it’ll be pretty damn close. Their time alone in the cabin is coming to an end, Bucky knew it would never last, but that doesn’t change how he feels. He wants to make every last moment worth it before Natasha comes back with more supplies and probably more news.

And they really have been making the most of it. Ever since Steve’s confession and apologies, he’s been good on his word. He hasn’t kept anything from them, not even when he wakes in a cold sweat from a bad dream. He’s been gentle and thoughtful, and Bucky adores it. Occasionally he’ll see his two soulmates together (usually in the kitchen where Steve has been teaching her how to cook) and wonder if he’s the third wheel, but usually he’s just happy.

He does have a better understanding of how Steve must have felt when he hears them laughing together about something he doesn’t understand and he’s all the better for it. She and Bucky have been fighting more lately and Bucky hates it, but sometimes he just can’t help himself. Once he hears a certain tone of voice directed at him it’s as though his blood pressure increases in direct response. He still needs to work on controlling his emotions even after all of these years. The one thing Steve had nagged him about for years without much effort from Bucky and now he was paying the price.

Thankfully Christmas had resolved any hard feelings between him and Steve. Bucky had been harsh with Steve, but Steve had hidden a lot of information from them, and it was time for him to explain himself. Bucky felt bad for making Steve cry about it, but if that’s what it took to get Steve and her to become close, then it was worth it.

“Okay now you want to slice it,” Steve’s voice escapes the kitchen and echoes around the living room. A rug would really tie this place together; Bucky wonders if Steve would be opposed to a large area rug. Tony had once offered to buy them furniture to match Cap’s uniform. A red and blue rug complete with cartoon Steve’s face would liven the place up. If anything it could warm up the freezing wooden floorboards.

“Like this?” Her voice is unsure, but not anxious. Steve hums in response and Bucky listens to the quiet sounds of a knife cutting through vegetables. She’s improved quickly from grilled cheeses to full blown dinners with the help of Steve. Cooking has never been Bucky’s thing, but he sure does love to eat and having two chefs can only be twice as good as having one.

“Beautiful,” Steve tells her and Bucky wonders if he’s describing her knife work or simply her. She laughs lightly in response, which doesn’t solve Bucky’s mystery. He can imagine her blushing now as he hears Steve continue to talk about how lovely it looks. “Very even, they’ll cook up perfectly.” So it was the food Steve had referred to. Bucky probably would’ve gone for the other compliment.

Dog lifts his head up off of Bucky’s legs. The two of them have been lounging on the couch all afternoon. Bucky knows he’s gonna have a hell of a time getting back in shape once they have to go back to work, but it’s nothing he hasn’t been through before. Who knows, maybe it’ll even keep him on the bench for an extra week or two. Steve has approved of and even encouraged Bucky retiring for a while now, but Bucky won’t until Steve does the same. He knows Steve can handle himself in the field, but maybe this way Steve will realize he needs to take some time off. They’ve unquestionably been enjoying it.

Dog jumps off the couch and begins to whine at the door. Bucky gets up and opens the door for Dog to run out. He pulls on his shoes and finds his coat, telling his soulmates that he’ll be back in a minute. The snow is finally starting to melt, and it’s created a mess of mud that Dog is very fond of. However, Dog isn’t rolling around in the mud, he’s nowhere to be found.

Bucky wanders about the cabin’s exterior whistling loudly, wondering if a rabbit or other small creature has got Dog’s attention. Finally he sees Dog who is racing away from the house. Bucky doesn’t see the rabbit Dog chases, but he starts to jog towards them still calling for Dog to come. As Bucky gets closer he sees it’s not an animal Dog is after. A dark blue truck pulls up over the southernmost hill and towards the cabin. Bucky is frozen in place.

A man gets out of the car and another dog jumps out behind him. Dog runs up to the man and the other dog and attempts to lick the man’s face. The man scratches Dog and pats his head before shooing the dogs away to go play in the mud. He approaches Bucky, who is still just standing there watching. As he gets closer, Bucky starts to understand what he’s saying. The man is speaking what sounds like Austrian German, and Bucky’s German is pretty rusty.

He gets the gist of it though. Dog is his dog and he’s leaving now. The man thanks him and Bucky finally seems to unfreeze. He tells the man to wait just a minute and he runs back inside. She and Steve are still in the kitchen, giggling over the stove top, but they stop once they see an out of breath Bucky. Bucky’s not sure what to say so he just goes back outside, and they follow.

Steve is immediately on the defensive, standing in front of her and slowly retreating back inside to get her to safety but Bucky drags Steve forward. This man isn’t evil. Bucky’s not sure why he knows this, but he knows that this man is just here for his dog, nothing else. The man smiles and waves at them. He explains himself and Bucky attempts to translate. He’s not sure he’s very accurate, but they understand what’s happening as well.

“Aww and he’s got a friend.” She’s sad to see Dog leave, but she’s accepted it. They watch Dog chase his brother or sister and their owner scratch behind their ears. The man approaches them and shakes all their hands in thanks. Dog sits in front of the three of them and they all bend down to give Dog once last hug and pet. They're sad but they see how happy the dog and owner are together. “You belong together,” Bucky hears her whisper to Dog.

Unfortunately as the man gets into his truck with the dogs, a look passes across his face. He recognizes Steve. Bucky’s trying to come up with how to explain their presence in German, but he doesn’t get the chance. The man gives them a tight lipped nod and wave and then drives away. They’re not sure if they can trust him to not tell people about Captain America living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, but it’s fine. Natasha’s due back at the end of the week; Bucky knows their time is coming to an end.

* * *

Their days pass by in comfortable but slightly changed hours. They all miss Dog and nothing Bucky can say can properly lighten the mood. Steve’s apologized for things that are out of his control (losing Dog) and she’s accepted it even if it’s not necessary. Steve honestly seems more upset about the situation than she is, although perhaps its more due to the implications of the man recognizing him.

“It’s okay,” she says in an attempt to comfort Steve. “He was never really ours to begin with.” She and Steve sit on the couch and joke about how they will finally be able to take control over the amount of dog hair in the cabin. 

“He called him Hund,” Bucky remarks out of the blue. It startles both Steve and her and Bucky feels as though he must be a million miles away from them. 

“Okay? That must have been Dog’s name.” Steve’s voice is so bland, it makes Bucky laugh. “What are you laughing at,” Steve asks, trying to relate to what Bucky is feeling. Bucky’s not sure what he’s feeling.

“Sorry it’s just that the dog’s name is dog.” Bucky assumed she wouldn’t know German, but he thought Steve would have picked up something over the past century. “Hund in German is dog,” Bucky explains. “Stevie you were right. His name was Dog not Boris or Marmalade or Theseus. Dog, just Dog.”

Bucky doesn’t get much of a reaction in response, even if he thinks it’s hilarious. Steve’s still worrying about why SABRINA didn’t warn them of the intruder and Y/N is still missing Dog. Bucky is feeling both of those things, but he doesn’t want to feel those things. He wants to feel sunshine and butterflies. He wants to feel like it’s Christmas morning all over again instead of the strange time in between Christmas and New Year’s when you could do anything but instead you do nothing.

* * *

The sun is still shining and most of the yard is mud, but Bucky decides to take a page out of Steve’s book and go on a walk to clear his mind. He first walks in the tracks that the man’s truck tires left behind. He follows the tracks until he can’t see the cabin anymore or anything other than trees and sky. Then he abandons the muddied path to the middle of the forest. It takes him a while, but eventually he finds it.

The two person plane they arrived in is still sitting in the forest clearing. Birds fly away and squirrels run away from their hiding spots as he approaches, but he needs to get close. The plane isn’t really damaged, but it’s worthless without gasoline and Natasha hadn’t thought to bring them any. Bucky walks to the driver’s side and rips off the door. He climbs inside and sits in Steve’s spot.

He closes his eyes and thinks. He thinks back to seeing Steve for the first time in the after. He had felt something then, but he didn’t know what it was. It certainly wasn’t sunshine or butterflies, and he had first thought it must be hatred. It wasn’t until months later did he realize it was longing. He longed to be with Steve and to have what they once had together.

Even after a trip to Wakanda to reset his mind and relearn the ways of humanity, Bucky was a mess. He didn’t understand Steve and more importantly he didn’t understand himself. Everything put him on edge, and he felt like he was always on display. He was always an actor, hiding behind a façade of what he thought he was supposed to be. The issue was he didn’t know what he was supposed to be.

He and Steve were supposed to be perfect together. They were soulmates and what they had all those years ago had been as close to perfect as Bucky had ever imagined. And then he had to go and ruin it all by signing up. He wasn’t really sure why he did it. Sure he felt duty and responsibility, but it was more than that. If he had to guess (which his therapist was always making him do), he would say he did it because he had to prove something. Whether it was proving it to himself or to Steve or to both or someone else entirely, he’s still trying to that figure out.

Steve had resented Bucky when he found out what he did and then he had turned around and did the same. It turns out that Steve had felt the same need to prove himself that Bucky did. Steve had gone around everywhere to try to enlist and then some fool had actually let him. By that point Bucky had been long gone but reading it in the letters had been bad enough.

The rest is really just a blur to Bucky, one that he would rather forget. By the time they were back together they were entirely different people than who they used to be when everything was just as it was supposed to be. Steve had a new body and Bucky had a new arm and a horrendous past. Steve was all about forgetting and forgiving and moving forward, but Bucky was stuck in the past.

Their fights had only gotten worse and worse until Bucky had finally done it. He had threatened to walk out and leave it all behind. They couldn’t go back to the past and at that point Bucky couldn’t see any future for himself, so he figured that was the best path. A path where he didn’t drag Steve down with him.

Of course his plan didn’t work, and Steve had found him wandering around the city in the dead of night. They were still far from perfect, but they were working on it. And if Bucky learned anything from that situation, he knew that the only way to move forward was to do it with the people you love. He can’t do that here in the forest in a two person plane, so he heads back home.

When Bucky returns she and Steve are as content as ever. They’ve made popcorn and are quizzing each other with movie quotes. Steve doesn’t know any of the movies she’s seen, and she doesn’t know many of the movies he has, but it’s still charming. Bucky squeezes in between them and stuffs his mouth with popcorn.

“I’ve got a tricky one,” he announces to them. “Super tricky, you’ll never get it.” He stands back up and turns away from them. He can practically feel Steve rolls his eyes at him. Bucky whips around dramatically and in his best crazed scientist voice announces, “it’s alive!”

Now Bucky can see Steve rolling his eyes at him. “Sorry, Buck,” she tells him. “Steve just did that one, but don’t worry your impression was way better.” Bucky sits back down on the couch.

“How do you know?” Steve teases her, “you told me you’ve never even seen it.” She shrugs and takes some popcorn to avoid having to respond.

“Hmm,” Bucky says. “Let me think. I’m sure I can think of a better one than Steve.” But Bucky doesn’t really think about a better movie quote. He just thinks about how nice it is to feel those butterflies again.

* * *

It’s the December 30th, the day before Natasha is due to return. Despite this, Steve is dutifully fulfilling his responsibilities. He’s forced them to all help him clean the cabin, and now he’s out splitting more logs for firewood. Bucky complained about mopping floors and dusting shelves, but this he can’t complain about. It’s not a bad view and Y/N agrees.

They’ve been pretending to look for food in the pantry for the last thirty minutes, but the truth is that the best view is from this window. And what a view it is. Steve takes off his flannel despite the cold and both of them stop reorganizing canned soups in favor of unabashedly staring at all that muscle. Steve’s arms bulge as he lifts the axe above his head and then he turns towards the house.

He’s spotted them, but they still can’t look away. Steve swings the axe mightily and the log splits neatly in two. Steve easily handles the wood and tosses it in the pile. He knows he’s being watched, but he doesn’t stop. Instead he puts down the axe, grabs a log and Bucky witnesses the hottest thing he’s ever seen as Steve tears the log apart in his hands.

When Steve sends a wink over at them, they have to put a stop to it. Bucky and Y/N take a look at each other and then they’re out the door and pulling Steve inside with them. What they do once inside is best kept between the three of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for taking away Dog :( but I put him in last minute and so I decided to write him out for the rest. But I promise he is very very happy to be back home with his own family!


	17. I've forgotten what I started fighting for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was rereading my previous chapters and I realized that Natasha is pretty much a main character at this point :) I hope you enjoy!

Natasha is never late and so just as she had told them, she arrives at noon on December 31st. She’s got no time to chat about Christmas or to hear requests for specific supplies. Instead she jumps right into it, just like Natasha does.

“I’ve got some news, but let’s all sit down for this okay?” Natasha’s not usually this thoughtful, blunt is typically a better description for her communication style. Steve’s not sure if this is for his newest soulmate’s benefit or for something else entirely.

The three of them sit on the couch and Natasha finds her place on the armchair. Y/N squeezes Steve’s hand tightly and he squeezes back to show his support. “So is it Hydra,” Y/N asks once they’ve all settled down on the couch and Natasha has remained silent.

“Not really,” Natasha says much to Steve surprise. He sneaks a glance at Bucky who looks doubtful at hearing this. Natasha continues without acknowledging their hesitation. “They definitely are somewhere behind the scenes and we have reason to believe that they provided weaponry, but this is the people.”

“The people? What people?” Bucky’s not getting it, but Steve has a feeling he knows where this is going. Natasha goes on to explain that the threat is really more like a cult. Y/N and Bucky are ready to dismiss it, but Steve has been anticipating something like that. You can’t just give all of humanity access to all information and expect them to know what is truth and what is lies.

It takes a bit of convincing, but finally Steve with the help of Natasha show them just how these things can happen. This cult through the influence of Hydra has convinced the public that soulmates are really evil and that by hacking Tony Stark’s access to the Soulmate Database, they can eliminate these evil beings from Earth.

It’s horrifying misinformation, but it's spreading like wildfire. They’ve stopped the originators, but it’s already spread to a large portion of the population. Unfortunately these regular citizens managed to get their hands on some high tech weaponry and with the help of Hydra, they fired these weapons at the people they feared the most, namely the Avengers. 

“Really you should be upset with me,” Natasha informs them. “When I released all that data to the public there was quite a bit of it on soulmates. Most of it was a waste of resources and a bigger waste of time, but Hydra had been doing their own research on soulmate separation. Some pretty horrific stuff. That set off a whole chain of events leading to these witch trials which are unfortunately focused on the two of you.”

Steve wants to groan and tell everyone that he gives up, but that’s not how this works. Steve still has responsibility and it’s no longer just to the United States or Bucky or even just the Avengers. It’s obligation to her too and she needs to see this more than any of the aforementioned entities. He can’t give up on her, not after all that he’s done.

“They don’t know about you yet,” Natasha tells her. “I figured we’d leave the mess up to them and then once it’s settled we can introduce you to public’s evil eye.” Steve has to agree with Natasha’s decision. Information on her might not have been leaked, but eventually they would need to come forward. That time just wouldn’t be now.

Thankfully Steve doesn’t have to come up with strategy. Pepper, the queen of press, has a plan. She thinks that because the instigators are taken care of (thanks Tony), it would be much more influential to show the positive aspects of soulmates and that they are really just normal people (at least when it comes to the relationship side of things). People are afraid that soulmates are all murderers or possibly possessed by the devil, and the falsified studies by Hydra aren’t exactly helping.

People need to build faith in soulmates again. Parents need to not disown children who find soulmates, and children need to not live in fear that they will die at the hand of a soulmate. Soulmates are not about a lack of the ability to choose who to love; they are about finding and connecting with someone whose soul matches yours in a way that no one has yet to properly explain.

There’s too many rumors cycling about death by leaving a soulmate and no certified research has even properly confirmed this. Natasha even apologizes for her use of faulty sources previously, but that’s the whole point of all of this. People are unsure of who or what to trust and that can lead to a whole lot of fear. The knowledge that neither Steve nor Bucky nor Y/N will die if this relationship fails is a relief but also unnecessary. Steve knows it’s going to work out. He’s ready to put in as much time and energy into this as anything else. He hasn’t failed his soulmates yet and he doesn’t intend to start now.

The biggest rumor is one that they’ve all heard before, although this time it’s phrased a bit differently. The main idea is Bucky has killed Steve, the new twist is that he killed Steve not with his metal arm or a knife or a machine gun, but with his ‘soulmate powers’. Ooh so scary. The only soulmate powers Steve is aware of Bucky having is the power to push Steve’s buttons when he is not in the mood.

So obviously Bucky’s soulmate powers are utter bullshit. However, no one has seen Steve or Bucky since Thanksgiving which means that the lies have gained traction. Natasha apologizes again, but Steve wouldn’t trade these weeks with just the three of them for anything. Not even if it meant not dealing with more press.

In the past the idea that Bucky had killed Steve was crushed as soon as they had shown up in the news, both healthy and alive, but Pepper anticipates it not being as easy this time. The fact that they had never acknowledged their soulmate connection in public or discussed it formally made people feel as though they had something to hide. And so now they’re going to come out as soulmates officially to the world.

They’ll need to explain themselves and Steve wonders if it would be better for the universe if they just hid out here for forever. Steve knows that’s not realistic. The man who came to get Dog could easily tell anyone and then they’d be in danger again. Steve and Bucky have to return to New York to stop the cult and make an appearance to the public. As usual, Steve would rather fight an army of aliens than do this, but it’s all part of the job.

Oddly enough Natasha refuses to let Y/N come along. She claims that it’s for her own good. Maybe Natasha’s right and whatever Pepper has planned will be worse than Natasha is explaining, but Steve doesn’t care. He is pissed off that Natasha would even suggest such a thing. “No, she’s coming with us. You want to right?” Steve turns to her to double check that they’re on the same page and she nods enthusiastically.

No matter what Steve says he can’t seem to sway Natasha to allow her to join them. It only enforces the that the trip will be even worse than he’s anticipating it to be, but that’s not what’s bothering him. He doesn’t want her to be here all alone in the woods. There’s wolves and who knows if that man will come back. He seemed friendly enough, but he’s not sure if he would trust anyone alone with her in the middle of nowhere with no backup.

Steve (finally) stands up for his other soulmate which he imagines she’s been waiting to hear. “If she wants to come with then she’s coming with. We need her with us; we won’t leave her behind.” Maybe this was Natasha’s point after all, no time can erase her manipulative side. Natasha doesn’t have a response and Bucky joins in on Steve’s side.

“Come on, Nat. He’s right, we need her with us too.” Bucky’s saying the same words, but he’s taken a more emotional take on it. Steve figured logic would resonate with Natasha, but maybe he’s been wrong about that all along. Natasha at least appears to be considering it.

Before now Steve hadn’t quite caught on to how invested Bucky was in their relationship. I mean sure he knew that they had spent a fair amount of time with each other now and if this had been a normal relationship, they’d be in the “officially dating” stage, but hearing Bucky’s emotive voice show how much he cared about Y/N’s opinion of him kind of breaks Steve’s heart.

The more that Steve thinks about his heart, the more he sees how she has wedged herself firmly inside. The soulmate connection might not be so laughable anymore. In fact, he himself is certainly feeling something inexplicable.

Unfortunately, Natasha decides that she is better off staying back and Steve eventually has to back down. She’ll be safe here even if she is alone and they’ll both be back within 48 hours. They say their goodbyes and climb into the quinjet with Natasha in charge.

Sure enough, the threat is worse than Natasha was explaining. There’s no press conference but instead multiple press conferences and a live TV interview, and a town hall where he and Bucky heard the worst and best questions they’d ever heard. Some people wanted to know about their sex lives, others wanted to know why Bucky was controlling was Steve’s mind with his metal arm. However, some people had been understanding and after a full day of press Steve is ready to go back to the cabin for a lifetime.

Sadly they head back to the Tower to spend the night before continuing the rounds tomorrow. As they return Steve is even more thankful that Natasha had told her to stay behind. Keeping her out of sight of the cameras and reporters would have been a mess, but worst of all is facing Tony. Stark is tipsy and annoying when Bucky and Steve return to the private quarters of the Tower. Unfortunately no other team members are around to break up the horribleness, not even Natasha who has slithered away.

“Where’s your girl?” Stark asks loudly. Steve wishes he had the ears of someone his age and could ignore it. “Lose her already?” Steve sighs and wraps an arm around Bucky to keep him from jumping Tony. “She’s too young for you, you know,” Stark shouts out. “Too good for you! Don’t lose her like I lost Pepper!” Pepper did always come back though and although Steve doesn’t understand why, he imagines she would do the same for them. It’s still not something he plans on testing.

Steve curtly wishes Tony a good night and (under his breath) good luck fixing whatever he did to upset Pepper. He and Bucky head into the elevator and up to their floor. They haven’t been in here since Thanksgiving, but at least someone has thought to empty their refrigerator. Bucky heads into the shower and Steve collapses onto the couch. It was a nightmare of the day but at least it’s over. Now all he’s got to do is get into bed and do it all over again. Then, after that’s complete he can go back home.

No, not home. He’ll go back to the cabin, but probably just to pack up and ultimately move back here. Here which is still not home. Home isn’t his and Bucky’s place in Brooklyn either. She’s never even been inside, and Steve already knows it just won’t be right.

* * *

After their reluctant night in the Tower Steve has come to some realizations. First is that hot water in the morning is better than he remembered. Second is the realization of how much she had changed him. He’s not sure why he just came to this conclusion or why it took so long but he hadn’t figured it out until now. Not until he woke up in the middle of the night because he had stretched out and felt Bucky instead of a smaller, colder body in bed, did he realize how much he missed her. It was different, but he had gotten used to her being around. He didn’t need anything else to change anymore; he just wanted to go back to what they had.

With the threat handled they return home to the cabin, and reluctantly pack up to go back to the city. Steve is already planning on coming back in the summer to build that addition, but their 48 hours in New York only reminded Steve of all the responsibilities he has here. He and Bucky have a few more scheduled press appearances in the upcoming weeks and too much flying back in forth will only lead to someone finding the location of their cabin.

And so they are back to living in the newly partially repaired tower. Wanda did a great job of shielding it, but Tony felt like redecorating. Or maybe Pepper did in order to get back at Tony. Apparently he had blundered pretty badly when questioned on soulmates. Pepper had taken offense and Tony was trying his best to make up for it. Steve’s been there before, and he feels for Tony. However, after watching the news clip, he thinks it’s gonna take a little more than a few weeks alone in a cabin to fix that.

They’re simply trying to find the new normal amidst all the training. Bucky complains that he feels out of shape and old and Steve just wants to spend more time with his lovers instead of at work. She’s also back to living in her own space and Steve’s not a fan. It doesn’t make too much sense for her to move back down into their guest room, and Steve should probably just go ahead and buy a bigger bed for the three of them to share, but he’s not sure it’s the right move.

There’s too many opinions flying around the Tower. Even with most of the team expanding at the Compound upstate, the Tower is still overrun with judgmental comments. Steve’s not even sure if she likes being a floor away from them or if she’s just agreeing with what other’s think of their situation. Steve just wants her to be close.

The last speech that Steve made about soulmates to combat the false news spreading had been almost too personal. There’s a lot of fear cycling around, and he wants to make it clear that that’s not what being soulmates is about. He talks about what Bucky means to him and the whole time he wishes he could be talking about her as well. Thankfully at this meeting there’s no questions portion for them to screw up and so Steve and Bucky get to walk away free. This time holding hands with their marks on display.

There’s obviously been plenty of rumors about the two of them, but they’ve never been out to the whole world before. It’s never been on their own terms until now. Steve can’t wait until the day when he gets to introduce his other soulmate to the world, but now is not the right time. Some secrets are better kept. They just hope that whoever else knows about her, keeps it quiet too.

* * *

Things turn sideways when Y/N decides to accompany them to the gym. Steve’s been waiting for this day for months, but Bucky had encouraged Steve to keep his space. It was a good idea in theory, but less than good in reality. The gym wasn’t as full as it normally is, but there were still a good amount of agents and higher level Stark employees working out. Natasha had said her hellos and Steve had left to go to the punching bags. He’d put in his headphones and tuned out the world.

The world did not remained tuned out when Bucky had yanked his earbuds out. A scene was unfolding in front of Steve’s eyes. Bucky, who was supposed to be showing her around the gym had apparently left Natasha in charge, and Natasha wasn’t exactly well equipped to teach a beginner. Natasha didn’t possess a lot of patience.

“Look, I’m not trying to be mean,” Natasha says plainly. The people around them continue to exercise but no one is listening to music anymore, all clearly trying to eavesdrop. “She’s just going to hurt herself or someone else. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.” Y/N turns red, gives them a quick nod, and dashes out the door. Bucky follows her, but Steve’s not done with Natasha.

“She’s a beginner, Nat!” Steve growls at her. “Bucky was just going to show her around and teach her something easy.” Natasha rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to be such an asshole,” Steve reminds her before deciding that he’s not going to get through to Romanoff now and heads out to find his soulmates.

He returns to their floor which is empty and then takes the stairs to her floor. The door is unlocked, and Bucky is sitting on the couch. “She’s in the shower,” Bucky informs him. “She says she’s fine, just embarrassed.” Steve sighs and sits beside Bucky to wait for her to return. 

A few minutes later Y/N sits beside them on the couch, her hair dripping onto the leather. Bucky had apologized for leaving her with Nat and Steve had apologized for not doing something earlier. She doesn’t react much to either apology. “She’s right though. It’s her gym too, not mine.” Her words are very matter of fact and Steve doesn’t want them to be.

“You’re our guest and fuck it you live here too; you can use it! Tony doesn’t care!” Steve hates that he’s yelling, but it’s not at her. He’s on her side. He’s just all riled up from what Natasha had said. He should be taking this out on Natasha or better yet his punching bag, not her. She didn’t deserve this.

“But she cares.” She’s got a point. Natasha for whatever reason really did seem to care about Y/N being in the gym. Steve gives her a hug and promises he’s going to figure this out with Natasha later. First he needs to calm down. Otherwise he’s going to make a bigger mess of things for the other agents to gossip about.

Early the next morning Steve and Nat properly discuss the altercation. Steve explains the embarrassment his soulmate felt and how she had trusted Natasha. Natasha doesn’t apologize but starts down a different route. She wants to talk about soulmates in general, still clearly hung up on the information she had leaked and then told them about, which had mostly all turned out to be false. 

“Well I guess I was just not expecting it.” She looks at the well duh look on Steve’s face. “Okay no one was expecting it but still. You and Bucky showing up and saying hi this is our new soulmate? It really threw us, and I’m not used to that. At all.” She’s got a point, but Steve doesn’t want to talk about months ago; he wants to talk about yesterday.

“That barely explains your actions in the gym. Keep going.” Steve commands.

“Okay, okay, you’re right.” Natasha sighs shaking her head softly. “Never thought I’d say that,” she teases but seeing Steve’s no nonsense face she straightens herself back up again. “That was fucked up, but something about her being there just pissed me off. She didn’t know a fucking thing and so she was so out of place.” Steve doesn’t respond. He knows there’s more; he’s just got to wait for Natasha to spit it out. “Basically it just comes down to me being jealous.”

“Jealous? But I always had Buck before?” Steve’s incredibly confused face always makes Natasha’s heart a little warmer. Maybe warm enough to actually tell Steve what’s been on her mind.

“Yeah, I know, but I had played the number one woman in your life before her and then I was just shoved aside. I’ve barely seen you since you met her.” Steve fights the urge to explain that it’s probably because he’s spent the past month in Austria with no contact to the outside world.

“And well you already had a soulmate. Now you get a second one? How is that even remotely fair?” Steve suddenly feels very, very bad. Natasha was a beautiful woman, but also very scary and as far as he knew, very single.

“Nat, you’ve got no reason to be jealous. Yes, she’s my number one woman, but your role in my life hasn’t changed. In fact I probably rely on you more than ever cause now I’m asking you about all of these womanly things I never even thought of before.” Natasha rolls her eyes.

“As for soulmates,” Steve pauses. “You don’t need a soulmate to find love. Or even to start something new. And who knows, maybe you’ll go out one night and come home with three soulmates. At this point I think anything can happen.” Natasha smiles at him, but Steve gets the feeling it’s really just to humor him.

Natasha’s waiting for him to finish up. Is he really that easy where she just has to wait to respond, and he’ll spill his guts? Yes, he is. “Look, she’s my soulmate who I love and adore, and you are one of my best friends who I also love and adore. You can’t hate each other or make each other cry, even if there are a lot of other issues at play.”

“One of your best friends?” Natasha’s smile this time is genuine.

“Come on. You know Sam would kill me if I named you as my best friend when I just told that little kid at the town hall and the rest of the world that I didn’t have a number one best friend.”

Natasha gives a rare chuckle and pats Steve on the back. “Two best friends, two lovers, Steve you’re developing a pattern.”

“Be sure to let Tony know, he does love to analyze those of mine,” Steve quips back much to Natasha’s enjoyment.

“I’ll be nicer, I promise.” She finally says once they’ve sobered up a bit. “I just felt like maybe you were replacing me with a poorly trained version of me who was didn’t know how to do a bench press and is afraid to touch a gun.”

“Poorly trained?” Steve scoffs. “That puts it lightly. She is not and will not ever be trained. And neither you nor her will ever be replaced. You’re both irreplaceable in my life at this point, and that’s just something you’ll have to learn to deal with.”

“I guess you’ll have to deal with it too, then,” Natasha responds. A moment and then she fake gags. “I take it back, that was the cheesiest thing I have ever said in my life and you will not tell anyone about this moment ever.”

“I promise you,” Steve answers, holding out his pinky to her. She ignores it. “One of my best friends,” he finishes his response, now waggling his pinky dramatically. Natasha flips him off and stalks away.

“Irreplaceable,” Steve shouts at her as she walks off.

“Love that song!” Hawkeye says entering the room with a bowl full of spaghetti. “Hey FRIDAY, play irreplaceable by Beyonce!”

Steve leaves shortly after, wondering why he ever lived here, especially with a roommate like Clint who is not shy about slurping up pasta at seven in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there were a few people who were thinking that Hydra was going to be the big bad. But I felt like Hydra is nearly always to blame in these stories, so I went with something that’s (unfortunately) a little bit more relatable. Misinformation can cause a lot of destruction and so I guess this is just my take on it (even if it’s in an imaginary world).
> 
> Thanks again for reading! We’ve just got a few more chapters left but I hope you’ll finish the rest of the story out with me! :)


	18. I'm okay now I'm with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit different because it switches out in the middle from Reader’s POV to Steve’s. Other than that I don’t have much to say! Just two more to go after this and one’s the epilogue! Thank you for sticking with me on this journey and I hope you enjoy!

You’re lonely in the cabin without your boys. There’s really nothing to do here when you can’t poke at a sleeping Bucky or watch Steve multitasking. You’ve had your fun turning the music up loud and using up all the hot water, but it’s not too different from your normal routine except for the obvious. You didn’t realize how much you’d miss them.

Maybe it was a soulmate thing? You had to admit that the concept of soulmates has grown on you since last fall. Your skepticism has faded with time, monopoly games, and canned foods. You had lived alone for a long time and had never not liked it until now. Now you just thought about how much longer you would be left alone. After all, the cabin is still pretty creepy and you miss your furry companion, but these are just things you’ll say as excuses when the tears start to fall once your boys return.

And fall they do once Steve and Bucky burst through the door. Steve’s got a handful of flowers and Bucky’s got a book that isn’t the biography of a long dead war general. None of that matters once you’re in their arms. And good thing too, since it all falls to the ground when you jump into their arms.

It’s an embarrassing affair, especially since it’s not even two days since you last saw each other, but thankfully no one else is there to witness it. You’re not sure what Natasha would say but you can definitely imagine the smirk on her face. You’re kind of surprised at how fucking happy you are that they are home and safe, but Natasha wouldn’t be. Nat just had to be right yet again.

* * *

You spend the rest of your night eating leftovers in bed, snuggling, and staring at your boys. Were they always this attractive? Does distance make the heart grow fonder or does it just affect libido? Steve talks about the mission and all the work he has to complete, but thankfully Bucky has other things on his mind. Once those activities are complete and everyone is thoroughly exhausted, Bucky brings up something entirely unrelated.

“So,” he starts off staring up at the ceiling, “we need to go back.” You’re still trying to catch your breath, so you don’t really comprehend what he’s saying until Steve acts like Steve and starts talking logistics and pros and cons. You feel like you’re experiencing déjà vu, but instead of hearing Bucky ramble about the benefits of living in New York City while you sit in a hotel room, you’re listening to Steve prattle on about city living while his entire left side is touching you.

You sit up and speak what’s on your mind. “What the fuck?” Here you are still naked lying in bed with your two lovers (who are also naked) and they want to talk about something this serious right now? How can men compartmentalize so easily?

At least they both seem to realize their mistake as they pull on some underwear and get a t-shirt for you. “Bucky brought it up,” Steve immediately deflects, “I only thought that since we were talking about it, I should give you the full picture.”

“We weren’t talking about it.” You inform him. “As you said, all that happened is that Bucky brought it up. Next time please wait until everyone is dressed before talking about something as serious as moving back to New York.”

“Well we couldn’t stay here forever.” Bucky’s voice is quiet and gentle, but it makes you feel like an idiot. Obviously you couldn’t stay here forever, you’ve always known that, so why do you feel like your walls are crumbling? You should’ve marked Natasha’s return on the calendar with the end of an era. Now that the boys are back in the headlines, they’ll need to be present in meetings and on missions. You can't all stay hidden away in the mountains forever.

“We’ll come back,” Steve wraps his arms around you, and you lean back into his chest. “I promise we’ll come back.” You want to believe it so very much, but the world is calling their names and you’re not sure if your voice will be heard through all the noise.

* * *

The journey from your cabin back to the Tower is the least exciting of all of your quinjet rides. You watch the cabin grow smaller and smaller until you can’t see it at all and then all that’s left is the comfort of Bucky’s hand on your knee and Steve’s hand in yours. He’s taken a step back from the controls for once and trusted auto pilot to guide the way. You try your best not to think of what lies ahead.

Your days living in the Tower pre-cabin-life weren’t the happiest. Sure there were lots of wonderful memories and fun stories to tell about it, but you felt like you were four inches tall in the Tower. Every person you passed in the hallway was stronger than you, smarter than you, better than you and your confidence shrank down to the size the cabin looked when you were a couple thousand feet in the sky.

Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, living in the Tower doesn’t last long. After making a fool of yourself in the gym, among other places, you all decide that it’s just not the best place to be living. Steve’s still got a team to lead and Bucky’s still on the team, so it doesn’t make sense to go back to the Austrian cabin, even if it had become home.

Instead you finally move into the Brooklyn apartment that Bucky had mentioned on that video call that night so long ago. That girl in the hotel had no idea what she was getting herself into and to be honest, you still weren’t sure what to expect. Things were always changing in the superhero world and you didn’t think you’d ever get used to it.

* * *

Living in Steve and Bucky’s Brooklyn apartment is a huge improvement from living in the Tower, even if it is a little cramped. The place has a large kitchen and an open concept living space, but still just one bedroom. There’s no guest room and the office with the day bed that Bucky had mentioned so long ago is basically in the living room with a slight partition to separate the two. You can’t imagine Steve getting any work done in it and judging by the amount of time you all still spend in the Tower, Steve doesn’t like bringing work home anyway.

Despite the smaller space, it’s larger than the cabin is Austria and this way you can focus on the three of you without having to deal with teammates or emergency missions. The boys will be close enough for emergencies, but you’ll have your own privacy. Privacy is a tricky topic here as well. You had spent most of your time in the cabin sharing one bed, but the one here was smaller and after a couple of days in the Tower it felt weird sleeping with them in New York.

Especially since the day bed is comfortable enough. And so you sleep on the day bed in the “office” while the boys get the bed, but only because all other arrangements make no sense. The first night you had all crowded in together, but the bed simply wasn’t big enough for all three unless you squeeze. And squeezing doesn’t work when Bucky moves in his sleep.

Therefore you have determined an arrangement. You sleep alone in the other room and in the morning when Steve and Bucky go for a run with Sam, Steve picks you up and lets you sleep in in their bed. This is because the neither the couch nor the twin sized day bed is big enough for two super soldiers, otherwise the boys would take the couch and you would get the bed.

But because of this they let you sleep in the massive bed in the mornings once the boys leave. It’s honestly one of your favorite parts of the day. You stay half asleep and Steve’s strong arms carry you into a still warm bed that smells just like them. The arrangement works well enough, and you all pretend it’s working out the way you want it to.

Until, like all things eventually, it doesn’t. Your morning is normal enough, Steve’s arms gently picking you up and depositing you under the covers in the king sized bed. He whispers something in your ear, and you hear Bucky in the hall but you’re back asleep before you can process it.

Normally you sleep until Steve and Bucky return and the smell of cooking and coffee wakes you up. Today, for some reason, you wake up before then and decide to head into the kitchen. You decide you might surprise them with breakfast, but before you can check to see how many eggs are left, you see something else.

Someone is on the couch. They’re turned over enough that you can't see their face and one of your favorite blankets is covering their body, but they seem large. You know that if they had visitors Steve would have warned you and so you make a decision. You grab the biggest knife from the kitchen and slowly approach the person on the couch.

In retrospect you should’ve recognized the hair or the deep breathing, but your adrenaline was too high. You thought you were being quiet, but it hadn’t been quiet enough. The person woke up and immediately your weapon was gone. You tried to get out of their tight grasp, but there was no point once you heard his voice.

“Good morning sweetheart.” Bucky’s voice is gruff in the mornings and this is no exception. He puts the knife away and drags you onto the couch with him to explain what’s going on. Apparently Bucky had been skipping out on morning runs, much to Steve’s disapproval, and had been crashing on the couch. He hadn’t wanted to disturb you in bed and so he had taken to falling back asleep on the couch. It was ridiculous but sweet to think that you didn’t love being near them.

You both must’ve fallen back asleep on the living room couch, because a sweaty Steve wakes you with breakfast. “I see you’ve finally caught onto Buck’s lack of interest in exercise.” Bucky grimaces but he offers no excuses and goes straight for the fresh bagels. “Just so you know, I didn’t approve of this from the start.” You don’t really care either way, but it is kind of adorable that Steve thinks he claim innocence here. “Hang on I’ll grab a knife, I didn’t--”

“Yeah, we know,” Bucky interrupts Steve, “you didn’t get them sliced because they last longer this way. May I remind you yet again it doesn’t matter if they last longer this way, when they’ll all be eaten in the next hour.”

Steve comes back with a knife and is surprised to see that Bucky has already sliced and spread cream cheese on the bagels using the butcher knife. “Bucky what did I tell you about weapons in the house!”

“Not a weapon darling,” Bucky answers, mouth full of bagel. You try not to laugh but it’s difficult. Cream cheese is on Bucky’s nose and Steve’s indignancy is just too Steve-like. There’s really nothing like these two in all the worlds. And the best part is they’re all yours.

“Keeping kitchen utensils on you while you sleep for the purpose of defending yourself isn’t healthy either Buck.” Steve’s got a good point, but it’s partially lost by the fact that he too is speaking with his mouth full. Someone has to teach these boys some manners. Unfortunately it’s not going to be you. You’re just trying to hide the best bagels away for yourself to eat later.

“I didn’t keep this one on me,” Bucky responds, licking cream cheese off the corner of his mouth and missing the larger blob on his nose entirely. He continues ignoring Steve who’s ready to keep talking. “Your girl gave me this one this morning albeit a bit reluctantly.”

“What did we talk about Buck, she’s not my girl or your-- wait what?” Steve spins around to stare at you. “You gave him the knife?!” Steve can be intimidating even when eating breakfast on the couch.

“Reluctantly?” You say as if that’ll help your case at all.

“She was about ready to stab my eye out until she realized who I was.” You’re not sure if Bucky’s trying to make this better or worse for you. He certainly looks mischievous but maybe that’s just how he always looks to you these days.

“Y/N! That is so dangerous!” Steve says looking aghast.

“I am so sorry I really didn’t mean to hurt--” You’re cut off from your excuses as Steve continues his rant.

“You should never wield a weapon that you can't eventually defend yourself from if you lose it. That is reckless. And deciding to attack a complete stranger? Didn’t you see his size? Didn’t you realize that if he was a foe he would surely be able to overpower you?”

Feeling stupider and stupider you shrink down into the couch. Steve’s right and you know he means best, but you are sick of this topic coming up yet again. So much for a lighthearted morning.

“Ease up, Stevie. She didn’t know any better. And besides, no harm done, it was just me.” Bucky soothes the both of you, a hand rubbing circles on your back while the other grabs yet another bagel. Steve softens at Bucky’s words and your face, but you still feel guilty.

“I just,” Steve shakes his head frowning. “I, I’m sorry, but I want to keep you safe, and I thought you knew by now, after everything, that our enemies are vicious. You can’t come at them with a knife and think you’ll have the upper hand. And I mean honestly maybe I need to spend proper with you in the gym. Give you some one on one training. You could really use some muscle and--”

“Stevie,” Bucky said loudly, having just swallowed the last bite of his fourth bagel. “That’s enough. She’s not a soldier; she’s not here to learn how to fight combat. We’re all here to continue getting to know each other. And for me to win all of your money in poker.” He jostles both of you playfully, reaching for another bagel and then surprisingly enough, offering it up for you instead of shoving it into his mouth.

“Right, right. I’m sorry again, Y/N.” Steve offers you a shy smile, but it does nothing to dim the stark look in his eyes. He’s still strategizing ways to keep you and Bucky safe, but mostly you since well yeah in terms of defending yourself you’re zero out of however many by now.

“It’s okay,” you offer and pat his arm with your bagel free hand. “Thanks for the breakfast, I’m gonna go get dressed now.” You can’t help but think about your most recent trip to the gym. You do not need a repeat of that embarrassing moment.

Steve stops you before you can leave. “That was out of place,” he tells you. “I’m sorry. I know I keep taking things to the extreme, but we’ve all been through a lot and I want to keep you safe. I won't push you on the training if you really do oppose it.” His honesty is refreshing and so you have to do the same in return.

“Actually I wouldn’t mind some help. Although,” you add pointedly, “I would prefer for it to take place alone, privately.” Steve nods in agreement. “I understand where you’re coming from and I’m happy you want to keep me safe.”

“Yes, of course,” Steve stutters. “I want you to be very safe. And whatever you want, we’ll work it out. Private session in the gym, or hell even right here I can teach you some things. We can use Bucky for practice.” You sneak a look at Bucky who looks incredibly proud despite Steve offering him up as a punching bag. Steve is still going to be Steve and worry about your safety, but this understanding and thoughtfulness is what you had been lacking before. This is definitely going to work out just fine.

* * *

Steve had come home to an unexpected scene. Normally his morning started with Bucky in bed, which led to moving Y/N into bed, which led to a run with Sam, which led to bringing or making breakfast, which led to happy soulmates. Instead they are both asleep on the couch, where Bucky has been sleeping in the mornings. 

Why Bucky does this makes no sense to Steve. She wouldn’t judge Bucky for skipping out on a workout and clearly they were comfortable together, but Bucky didn’t want to impose. Perhaps he was still trying to prove that he was a gentleman which by Steve’s assessment was entirely unnecessary. Bucky was nothing but lovely to her from the start.

He on the other hand has been trying to build something here. Not from the ground up like he should have started, but from six feet under. Thankfully he’s pretty sure he’s filled the hole he dug and is working on a foundation, but he’s still got a long way to go. He takes another step forward as he evaluates the situation on the couch.

Oddly enough doesn’t feel upset or jealous that they’re cuddled together and look so much like a proper couple. A month or two ago and he would’ve needed to walk back out the door to calm himself down, but now it makes him feel happy. They’re so damn cute together and they are both his. Even when Bucky carries knives, and she has no fighting skills. Steve is still Steve with all of his faults, and thankfully they don’t seem to mind that either.

Steve and she had gotten into some pretty bad fights over their time together, but he figures some couples just are like that. Y/N and him fighting ends in hurt feelings, mostly because they fight about big things. He’s still working on that and he imagines big things will continue to come up in the future, but at least now that he’s aware of it he can attempt to tread lightly.

Y/N and Bucky fighting ends in tears and cuddles, mostly because they fight about stupid shit like card games and TV shows. He and Bucky, lately they’ve been fighting over and about Y/N, but it the past it was usually about other large issues. They’re undeniably better than this time last year though. This time last year they couldn’t agree on anything whether it was as big as Bucky retiring from the team or the color of a new throw pillow for their couch.

It’s just how different people are. He and Y/N aren’t going to stop arguing anytime soon, but he hopes it’ll be more over who has to get up for another bottle of wine, not over if she is loved. But if it is the latter, at least now he’s ready to profess his love. He one hundred percent believes that she and he and Bucky are soulmates.

* * *

Steve wants to wait for Valentine’s Day to say it. In fact he’s got it all planned out and everything. Unfortunately no plan survives first contact with the enemy, or in this case, lover.

She’s eating popcorn on the couch (for dinner? for a predinner snack?) and for some reason it’s entirely mesmerizing. She’s honestly making a huge mess, tossing popcorn up to catch in her mouth and failing more often than not. Bucky’s busy flipping through channels complaining about how there’s nothing good to watch and she’s complaining that he has the worst taste in TV.

Steve sits down between them and she immediately switches from tossing popcorn to shoveling it in her mouth. Steve should be offended that she would think he’d steal it from her, but she’s not wrong and it really is quite charming to see her cheeks stuffed full. His endearment is far too much for February 13th, but he spits it out before he can stop himself.

“I love you.” She chews ferociously and Steve is slightly concerned she might choke.

“Um, what?” She asks him, gesturing between herself and Bucky. “Were you saying that to me or to him?”

“You,” Steve says, glancing at Bucky who is holding his stomach and dying of silent laughter.

“When I was-” she doesn’t know how to finish her sentence and instead just gestures to her previously full mouth. She lifts the popcorn bowl with only kernels left up to the ceiling. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Steve says blushing, “I love you.” Now she and Bucky are both laughing, but he doesn’t care. He might’ve fucked up his romantic plan, but it’s too late now. He can’t take it back, not that he ever would want to. “I know it’s unexpected and I wanted the first time to be better, but I just had to say it.”

She and Bucky laugh and laugh until they’re both red in the face. Bucky does a few imitations of her with his cheeks full of air doing a ridiculous eyebrows raised impression and then they’re all melting into the floor with laughter.

Once they calm down, she finally gives the response Steve’s been waiting for. He wasn’t sure if he was going to get it or not and truly he was fine either way, but he was definitely hoping. “I love you too,” she says it sweetly and gives Steve a quick kiss on the cheek. “But,” she adds, making Steve very nervous, “that actually wasn’t the first time you said that to me.” She hesitates before adding a, “maybe.”

Steve has no idea what she’s talking about and judging by Bucky’s own eyebrows raised expression, he doesn’t either. “Um remember when we left Stark’s mansion cabin?” Both boys nod synchronously, neither will ever be able to forget that day. “Well we were out there, and you were uh fighting?” Both boys nod again in order to keep her talking.

“Well yeah so you told Bucky to go with me to Stark’s other cabin with uh the uh coordinates?” She’s phrasing everything like a question, but everything is concrete fact in Steve’s mind so far. “And then we left, and you shouted it. I wasn’t sure if it was for Bucky or um, me, but we made eye contact, so I, I wasn’t sure?”

Steve’s not sure what to say. He doesn’t remember that interaction at all, but that wouldn’t be the first time he lost time during a mission. He’s prone to just keeping the facts of the battle and suppressing anything remotely emotional until much, much later. That way hopefully his enemies can’t shock him into freezing with information like, “Bucky’s alive.”

“Maybe I just made that all up,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I don’t really remember much of that day, but that part seems so clear. Maybe it was just a dream or some kind of hallucination. Can you hallucinate from being out in the cold? I meant to look that up, but I never got the chance.”

“No, no!” Steve stops her rambling. “You’re not crazy. I’m sure I said it. I’m glad I said it.” He’s still trying to rack his brain for the moment, but it’s still not coming. He remembers the real reason why she brought it up. “And yeah it was definitely for you. For both of you. I definitely loved you then too. I just didn’t really understand it until now. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she says kindly. “At least now we all know.” She gives each boy a quick kiss and heads back in the bedroom. “Know that Steve’s horrible at romance!” Bucky dissolves back into giggles, but Steve can still hear her laughter through the bedroom door. It’s only been a little over a week in the Brooklyn apartment and he’s already wondering if it’s time to find yet another place to live. Maybe a place with room for a bigger bed?


	19. And there is happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last full chapter! Thank you so much for following along with this story! I can't believe it's finally coming to an end! <3

Before you we were red and blue.

Then you came and we were new.

There’s so much we have been through,

But I swear we won’t leave you.

We’re no longer red and blue

With you we’re a different hue.

Mixed all together purple.

“Fuck,” Bucky mutters to himself. His poem is seriously the worst, and nothing rhymes with purple so there’s no way he can get out of this hole. He crumples up the paper and throws it away. It was way too dorky and embarrassing anyway. She wouldn’t like that, and Steve would try to put on that ‘wow that’s really great, Buck’ face and Bucky would see right through it. He’s had three years of that face, now that they make sense again, he never wants to see it again.

Valentine’s Day needs to be perfect. He’s not sure why he’s found himself so attached to holidays recently, but it’s so much fun he’s not sure why he didn’t do this before. Oh right, the stress of not having everything work out the way you want it. Yep, that can be a bummer.

Anyway, Bucky wants this year to be special in every possible way. Their New Year’s Eve had been spoiled by the arrival of Natasha who didn’t even think to bring champagne, and now it was time to redeem himself. He could be romantic! He had been plenty romantic in the past, but it had all come so naturally to him back then. Now he had to work for it, which wasn’t all that bad. Okay, it was a lot of work, but he knew the results would be well worth it.

* * *

Bucky’s been trying to reminisce about their relationship, but it was difficult when he wasn’t even sure how it started. Bucky hated thinking about past missions, but he needed to know if he pulled her out of rubble or how he actually first touched her.

They had sat down and with the help of Steve taking notes like the nerd he is, they had walked through their days. Bucky wasn’t too sure where he had been throughout that morning or what he had done, so she starts.

“So I was downtown waiting for my conference to start. I was there early maybe seven in the morning?” Steve writes down 07:00 neatly on his paper. Bucky fights the urge to throw the notepad across the room. Steve’s just trying to help, and believe it or not, but Bucky will need that support once it’s his turn to talk. She goes on to explain what she had experienced which thankfully wasn’t that much.

It had been a lot for her, and Bucky feels bad about it, but it could have been much, much worse. They had seen the robots arrive via a news station and they had headed into the basement where they would remain for the rest of the morning. Sometime in the afternoon paramedics would arrive to find her alongside a hundred or so others, dusted in drywall pieces thanks to one side of the building being smashed in, but all very safe.

They had heard her explain how the paramedic had noticed her soulmate mark and asked her about it before, but Bucky still liked hearing it. It was the first moment she realized she was tied to him, unfortunately it’s not what Bucky thought he was going to hear. Her realization while in the arms of a strong paramedic isn’t an issue at all (Bucky’s sure that he’s stronger), the issue is that it still makes no sense. Bucky doesn’t appear in any of these places on that fateful morning.

She seems to realize it as well once she’s finished explaining her side of the story. “But where were you?” Steve stops taking notes and takes Bucky’s hand in his. It’s time for Bucky to remember what happened that day.

Bucky explains his involvement in the defeat of the AIM robots as clearly as he can, but there’s a lot of missing pieces. Unfortunately the chances that one of these missing pieces is him going into a basement to hold hands with his soulmate before leaving and her forgetting it ever happened, are highly unlikely. She and Bucky are completely mystified.

Steve on the other hand is much more logical. “Okay well what about earlier? Maybe earlier in the week when you first came to New York? Did you go anywhere when you arrived?”

She pauses to think. “Not really. I landed at La Guardia the night before and I was exhausted. All I did was take a taxi to the hotel and go to bed.” Steve jots down this information down.

“What about you Bucky?” Steve asks. “Were you at the airport that night?” Steve knows it’s a dumb question, but he asks it anyway. Steve knows that Bucky wasn’t hanging out at La Guardia that night; they had been together. Bucky shakes his head no. “Okay, what about the morning of the incident? Did you do anything in the morning?”

She screws her eyes shut and tries to think. Bucky wants to interrupt and tell her that it’s okay that she can't remember. They should’ve done this months ago. They can’t expect her to remember what she did that one morning last fall.

“I woke up early,” she starts speaking. “But I knew I was going to be tired, so I went out to get a coffee before the conference.” Her eyes remain closed, and they remain silent while she tries to think. “But I have no idea where or what I ordered or what happened there. Sorry.” She really does look like she feels bad, and Bucky wonders why he bothered to bring this up in the first place.

It didn’t really matter how they first touched. They know each other now and they can’t change what’s in the past. The problem is that there’s a nagging thought in Bucky’s head that longs for them to have a cute story to tell. He and Steve have the cute story of them in grade school where he had rescued Steve from a bully, and he wants the same for them. Even she and Steve have a great setting for their meeting. Central Park in the fall with a handshake, it doesn’t get more cinematic than that!

Bucky wants their relationship to be just as romantic as he used to be with Steve and he thought that once he figures out how they had met, the romance would come easy. Now he’s wondering if it ever was easy or if he just used to have a lot more energy to put in the effort. Anyway, now he’s wondering if this was a bad idea all around. He had to relive things he didn’t’ want to think about (even if he was involved with clean up and rescue rather than offense) and now she felt bad.

“Hang on,” Steve says, referencing his notes. “You stayed at this hotel?” He taps the address he’s written down and she nods to confirm. “You probably wouldn’t have wanted to walk too far to get a coffee right?” She nods again looking confused. “You usually use google maps right?” She nods for the third time.

“Ah ha!” Steve stands up. “I’ve got it!” She and Bucky share a look that says wow we both really like this dork don’t we. “The reviews online for Marigold’s are excellent and it’s only a few blocks from your hotel. It’s also where Bucky goes for coffee sometimes.” Bucky should be annoyed that Steve was snooping on his coffee habits, but he’s too excited to be annoyed. “If you arrived at your conference at seven after leaving the coffeeshop which is about fifteen minutes away then you’d-”

“Be there right about when I usually get coffee when I can’t sleep at night,” Bucky finishes Steve’s thought. He knows that Steve is thinking about why Bucky couldn’t sleep that night and why it was all Steve’s fault that they had had that fight, but it doesn’t matter now. “It’s okay Stevie,” Bucky says, “thank you.” Steve understands the message Bucky is sending and immediately pulls up pictures of the café to show her. She examines the images, looks at a blurry picture of the menu and confirms.

“Damnit,” Bucky says. “Why don’t I remember you? I totally should have remembered you and I don’t.” He’s incredibly disappointed. Even if he doesn’t remember her face, it was unusual for him to bump into someone and to touch skin? Bucky should have remembered something like that happening.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “It seems right, but I don’t remember you either. I didn’t spill my coffee or walk into someone or do anything embarrassing. The only person I touched was maybe he hand of the barista who gave me my drink, but even then maybe they were wearing gloves.”

They sit in silence to think about it. Bucky begs his brain to come up with something, anything that would make sense. He had to have remembered her from that day. Did his life really change that quickly without him even noticing it? And so much could have been different if only they had noticed it right away. Although Bucky wonders if it would’ve been worse. He hadn’t been in the right state of mind that morning and then if she had been near him during the attack, who knows what could have happened.

Steve flips through his notes and then she abruptly stands up. “I think I know how we met,” she admits after awkwardly sitting back down. “It wasn’t in the coffeeshop. Um I was getting into a taxi to head to the conference and um,” she looks sheepish and unwilling to continue. “Well someone stole my taxi. It was quite rude, but perhaps that’s just the New York thing to do. I didn’t see his face, but he definitely touched my hand. We both reached for the handle at the same time, but he got to it first and uh yeah.”

Bucky is mortified. No no no. That was the least gentlemanly thing to do on planet earth. And yet it wasn’t the only time he had done it. He always ended up signaling a taxi only for some out of towner to think they had done it and then he would take his taxi which he had flagged down all while the other person thought he was stealing it from them. Oh, god it was him.

Steve starts dying of laughter upon seeing Bucky’s face. “No way,” Steve breathes out. “Your mother raised you better than that!” Bucky groans and puts his head in his hands. “Talk about bad first impressions, Jesus at least she didn’t realize you were that asshole until now!” At least she doesn’t look pissed off; actually she seems to be finding it about half as funny as Steve does, which is still a lot.

“Ugh,” Bucky sighs. “I’m really sorry about that, but it was my taxi not yours.” She immediately begins to argue but Bucky doesn’t hear it. He’s busy mentally thanking whoever was out there pulling the strings so that this interaction was forgettable. Of all the things he could’ve done, and this was the least romantic thing of all. His Valentine’s Day plans of referencing this story are a disaster. At least now Steve will have a funny story to share with the team. Bucky’s starting to regret all of the embarrassing stories he’s told them all about Steve.

Steve thankfully changes the conversation back towards himself, probably feeling a bit left out. Steve retells the story of how he and Bucky had first met complete with a description of just how cute eight year old Bucky was. They laugh about the situation and reminisce about how she and Steve had met.

They talk about how she had overheard a Captain America sighting at the café they were supposed to meet at. She should have known right then and there that something was up. They laugh at all the stupid things they’ve done over the past three months. Why would Bucky spend their first facetime call talking about his taste in furniture? Why would Steve bring his motorcycle to the coffeeshop where it was bound to be spotted? Why would she shake hands with Steve with a hurt wrist?

Steve feels bad about that part, but not really. Maybe that’s the way it had to be in order for this to all work. They’re not willing to risk all of this for anything. They reminisce about how much it sucked until they realized that they were all soulmates. Three soulmates. They talk about how crazy this all is and how they wouldn’t change a thing.

* * *

Steve’s always been a needy soulmate but compared to Bucky it’s nothing. Steve’s right that Bucky is very hot and cold about touch, but when he wants it, he wants to be smothered, or in her case do the smothering. It’s led to some problems before, but nothing Mr. Problem Solver Steve Rogers couldn’t fix.

Steve’s gotten better at communication as well. Steve and Bucky had always had a strong connection, but connection wasn’t enough. Connection via communication, now that was key. Steve used to be more romantic and cutesy with Bucky and now he’s slowly getting back to that, even if his popcorn love proclamation was ill timed. He’s always been curious and nosy and overprotective and to some extent he probably always will be.

At least he’s got his jealousy under control. Steve had been jealous of Bucky and then for a while even the kid Peter Parker for spending time with her. Steve had also reached a period of self-hatred from his previous fuck ups, but Bucky is proud to report that he hasn’t reached the point he had in his 2012 breakdown. Bucky is confident that with the help of himself and her, Steve never will reach that point again.

When Bucky listened to her stories about her as a child he had been surprised. She used to be feistier and bolder and incredibly self-sufficient. Being with them had made her introspective and self-conscious, but Bucky is happy to see that every day with them brings out a little bit more of that other side of her. There’s still a lot they need to learn about her, but nothing they could learn would make them adore her any less.

Bucky himself has improved. He used to be so much more defensive and ready to fight with Steve about anything and everything. He went through a period of lounging about more and while that’s not very healthy either, he’s figuring it out. At least now he doesn’t have the urge to hide in bed and hide from the world. Now he wants to go out, as long as it’s not work related. He’s joking more and laughing more. He’s genuinely happier.

Bucky’s therapist is happy to hear all of this as well. His therapist had been pretty pissed about him missing seven appointments without an email, call or text, but he did have a good excuse. They both agree that the time away was unexpected and could have ended in disaster, but ended up working out really nicely for them, all of them.

* * *

Valentine’s Day is far from perfect, but pretty damn close. Their restaurant had been double booked and their reservation had disappeared. The dance hall Steve had planned to go to had paparazzi lining up out front. Y/N hadn’t been aware that Valentine’s Day required planning, but Bucky doesn’t care. He’s got it all under control.

They order take out and eat it on the couch in their new apartment. The furniture is minimal, mostly due to Bucky and she not agreeing on anything, and the walls are still off white, but it’s home. The mostly empty room has its benefits when Bucky gets the record player going.

“May I have this dance?” He takes Steve by one hand and her by the other and the three of them do an awkward sway on the floor. After a few dances with him and Steve, her and Steve, and him and her (with him scaring the crap out of her by an unexpected toss in the air, don’t worry Bucky never lets his partner fall), Bucky figures it is time. He puts on the song that he had especially picked out for them and they resume their three person sway. It’s awkward, but they’re getting the hang of it.

The time is right, your perfume fills my head

The stars get red

And oh, the night's so blue

And then I go and spoil it all

By saying something stupid

Like I love you

“So here goes,” Bucky says with a stupidly large grin on his face. “I don’t think it’s stupid, but I love you. Both of you. I love both of you so much.”

“So fucking cheesy,” she says hiding her equally large smile in Steve’s chest. She looks up at both of them. The adoration in all their eyes could not be more obvious. “I love you too.”

“And me?” Steve teases playfully.

“You too!” She laughs and pulls them both in close for a hug. “I love both of you even if you had to say it with a stupid cheesy song.”

“I didn’t say it with a song,” Steve points out obstinately.

“No, yours was so much better,” she teases again, “saying it in the middle of a battle and then again with the popcorn.”

“Ugh,” Steve groans, finally admitting, “Bucky’s was better.”

“Yeah,” she agrees softly, the three of them still swaying to Frank Sinatra in the background. “Any other relationship milestone you had better both step it up in the romance department.” Bucky and Steve share a look and she knows that they most certainly will. Whether or not it’ll be perfect or even romantic will be up for debate in the future. But as for right now they can just stay in each other’s arms and dance the night away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not in love with the ending so who knows... maybe in five years I'll find this and rewrite it lol
> 
> Thank you all again! Epilogue will be up on Thursday and then it'll all be over :)


	20. But you're here right now (and I think you'll stay)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the epilogue! Thank you to everyone who has gotten this far! I really appreciate you reading and commenting and thinking about my story more than I can explain! <3

“Come on baby. Come to bed,” Bucky whines, stroking her hair absentmindedly. She continues to type away on her laptop.

“No, stop it, okay? Just give me a few more minutes. I need to wrap this up first.” Bucky grumbles but manages to be patient for about half a second.

“Darling, please. I’m sleepy, Stevie’s sleepy and you’re sleepy too. Let’s all just get up and go to bed.”

She slams her laptop shut and stands angrily. “I said no! That means no! Now can you please stop touching me so I can actually get some work done around here?!” She up and storms away to the office and soon Steve can hear the sounds of her typing again. He crouches down on the couch next to Bucky who’s looking like a scolded puppy.

He bursts into silent tears the second Steve’s arm wraps around him. “Oh Buck, it’s okay you know she didn’t mean it.” He soothes as he guides Bucky into the bedroom where they both tumble into the bed.

“She did mean it and I am so sorry Stevie. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to make her think I didn’t respect her! I respect her and her words! And Stevie it was an accident!”

“I know, I know.” Steve’s not sure what else to say. This is far from the first time this has happened and he’s sure that it won’t be the last time one of his lovers starts a fight. And with emotional partners, who bottle their emotions up until they explode, it’s a difficult situation each time to say the least.

Picking sides is normally so much easier for him. Destructive aliens = bad, soulmates = good. But in times like this Steve usually goes with saying as little as possible while still comforting whoever comes crying to him. This time of course being Bucky.

“Come on let’s get ready for bed. No use moping around, right?” Trying to give Bucky some clear goals, he goes to find clean pajamas in their dresser, Bucky still clinging on to him as he moves across the room. They hear the sound of the shower in the guest bathroom turn on and Bucky shudders involuntarily.

“It’s okay pal,” Steve reminds Bucky. “She just needs a little space right now. We’ll talk in the morning.” Thankfully Bucky doesn’t react too terribly to these words, just dresses quickly and crawls back into bed deep under the covers. Steve joins him and they snuggle together, Bucky sniffing every once in a while.

The shower turns off and they hear the sounds of their girl going to bed in the spare room. This causes Bucky’s shoulders to shake. “She’s all by herself again instead of with us and it’s all because of me. It’s all my fault again."

“It’s not your fault sweetheart. We can all talk in the morning. Let’s just get some rest first okay?” Bucky nods and shoves his head back into the pillow but not for long.

The door creaks open and the one and only woman of the house is behind it looking bashful. “Can I come in?” She asks in more of a whisper. Steve looks to Bucky who is sitting up and rubbing furiously at his eyes. As she approaches they can see that her eyes are red and swollen too.

She carefully approaches the side of the bed closest to Bucky and slowly offers a hand. “Bucky I’m so sorry,” is all she manages to get out before dissolving into tears. She is quickly wrapped up in Bucky’s embrace and the two get out one last cry together.

“I didn’t mean to freak out on you like that. I’m so sorry. It’s no excuse for how I acted but I was stressed from work and I really did need to submit that report like five hours ago, but I wanted to help with dinner and the cookies and well I felt guilty about it and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve any of that and I am so sorry.”

Bucky nods fervently at her words then changes his mind once he realizes she’s finished. “No, no! You shouldn’t be apologizing it’s all my fault anyway! I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I asked if you were ready for bed and you said no, and I didn’t listen. That’s not your fault!”

“Can we agree that you both have been acting selfish and dramatic tonight?” Steve asks. They two fools in his bed nod at this. “Then can you both get under the covers so we can get some rest?”

* * *

Rest isn’t acquired immediately afterwards, even though the trio all agree. Someone’s hair is sopping wet and somebody else wants a fresh glass of water from the kitchen. It takes a while but eventually they’re all snuggled together; Y/N holding tightly to the front of Bucky’s sleep shirt, Bucky lightly snoring against her head. Steve scoots in closer to spoon her and a laugh bubbles out from him.

Surrounded by these silly humans and yet he can’t think of a time where he was more happy than this moment. To think that another person in his bed would make his entire life make more sense is so absurdly ridiculous and of course fits perfectly.

She and Bucky shift in their sleep grumbling slightly, and the similarity between them nearly causes another giggle. These two, both selfish and dramatic, and yet they are both so kind, thoughtful, and sweet. Steve doesn’t know how he got this lucky, but he guesses that this must be what being soulmates is all about.

THE END.


End file.
